“Christ,” he continued, “Do you realize how lucky it is that you haven’t been blacklisted?”I balked.Because it hadn’t occurred to me.“No, you haven’t.What consequences have you faced?Everything that has come out of your actions has affected me, not you.You’re still able to find work.But this is my business, my life, on the line here.”
“If you regret it so much, call Pierce.Take it back.”
“That’s not—” His brows were pinched.“I don’t want to take it back.Pierce needs to be told where to shove his shit.But that doesn’t mean I don’t regret what I said.This isn’t me.I don’t make these decisions.I’m not acting smart.”
“Meaning I’m not?”
“Stop twisting my words.”
“Then stop talking around what it is you really want to say, Sam.If you don’t want to be with me, then just say that.”
“I do want to be with you.But I think we need some breathing room.We’ve spent every day of the last five months together, whether that was working or—”
“Fucking,” I finished for him.
“Yes.”
The air hung heavy.He continued.“I have feelings for you.You know that.And I want to be you.But …”
“You need to be sure.”
“I do.”
“Goddammit, Sam.You’re not even going to try?Take this one little risk?”
“I … can’t.I’m sorry.”
“Fuck,” I breathed into the quiet between us.I want to fight him, shout, convince him.But I was worth more than that.And he knew it.But he was still walking away.And I was not going to beg him.He needed to want this as much as I did.Otherwise, I’d always wonder, and he might come to resent me.He loved me, I was sure of it, but if he couldn’t realize that and chose to put the bar before his heart, I couldn’t stop him.
The fact was, what I wanted hadn’t changed.I still wanted a partner who accepted me and was as committed as I was to making a life together.Making it work.It didn’t matter how much I liked Sam if he wasn’t going to be that person.
I couldn’t resist one last chaste kiss before I left, my fingers ghosting his in an aborted hold before I pulled back.“Goodnight, Sam.”
My steps fell heavy on the stairs as I left.
This was the problem with diving headfirst into everything.The risk was high, and the crash was hard.I had lots of practice picking myself up when things didn’t work out.None of them had involved my heart before, so ...
Guess it never was too late for your first heartbreak.
