Jackson’s thumb brushed my arm, reassuring, and I smiled into it, grateful that he was here.
“But then it became too much. I started wanting my own things, and Brad would find ways of making me question it, or he’d make little dismissive remarks so that it didn’t seem like something good anymore. It got to the point where I felt I always needed his approval before I did anything. I stopped even having an opinion on anything after a while, just deferred to him.”
The muscles in Jackson’s arm flexed, but he said nothing. “He didn’t understand why I wanted to leave Empire, didn’t understand why I wasn’t angling for a promotion. Always asked me what was the point of working so hard if it wasn’t going to personally benefit me. For him, everything had to be building towards a goal.” I paused to take a sip of my tea, my mouth dry.
“I just, it got to a point where I wasn’t happy with him anymore, but I didn’t want to be alone. We had so much history together; how could I give that up? Marriage is about work, so I kept trying to work at it.” All that effort, and for what? A man who was able to walk away without a second thought. “But Brad wasn’t satisfied. Kept saying I was giving up on myself. On us. That I was wasting my life.”
“Fucking asshole,” Jackson said with a force that took me by surprise, holding me closer to him.
A rough chuckle escaped me. “That’s what Tiff said.”
“So that’s why you said what you did at the bar that night? About being enough?”
“You remember that?”
“Yes. And I shouldn’t need to tell you this, but you are enough, Audrey. You’re incredible. Smart, sexy, compassionate. A million other things, and probably more that I haven’t even begun to know yet. No one can take that from you or diminish it because it’s you. It’s who you are.” He punctuated his words with a searing kiss, which I returned eagerly, pouring into it everything I felt but was too scared to say.
“You’re good at this.”
“You make it easy to be.”
28
Audrey
Returning to work the next day, I felt lighter, a weight lifted with the knowledge that Jackson now knew my history and hadn’t run screaming.
Waking up with him curled up behind me in bed this morning had been wonderful. I’d forgotten how much I missed these intimate moments with someone. And while I would rather have spent the entire day keeping him in my bed, I had far too much on my plate to take a day off.
This rum wasn’t about to launch itself.
The event was under a month away, and most things were on track. The venue was locked in, Tiff had planned a great cocktail list, one that even Jeff and Julie were excited about, and the caterer had finally confirmed this morning. I still had to talk with the furniture hire company to lock in the bar tables and chairs, and there was also the lighting, the bar staff … Ok, maybe there was still a fair bit more to do.
Jackson’s sneaky little promo hadn’t hurt either; it managed to drum up enough buzz that tickets had already sold out. I’d thanked him because it was sweet, really, but it hadn’t stopped the nagging doubt that plagued me. Now I’d never know if I could have managed the same without his help.
I was still searching for something extra to make the launch special. The previous day, I came up with the idea of bringing pieces of the distillery to the venue so the guests could learn about the history behind the brand and the backstory of how the rum came to be. I set a reminder for myself to call Jeff about it later this afternoon.
“Audrey, are you sure there’s nothing more we could help with? Maybe Jet and I could take over some of your client visits? I was looking at the plans for the launch and thought maybe I could manage the catering and hire contracts? I have a minor in event management and actually ran a lot of our school events, so it really wouldn’t be a problem.” Winnie and Jet were settled in their usual seats in my office, and both now looked at me, hopeful.
I blinked, frozen in contemplation.
On the one hand, I knew they were bored and needed more to do. I’d been trying, really I had, but I’d already handed over all of the easier stuff. Anything else meant shadowing them as they followed up with customers, spoke with our vendors, and completed the mountains of paperwork which kept the inventory and shipping on track, which would leave me almost no time to focus on the launch.
There was the rub, wasn’t it? If I spent the time to train them, I would be free to really focus, but I would have to stop working to train them … Not for the first time, I was angry at David for putting me in this position.
That wasn’t fair. I was angry at myself.
I knew I was messing this up. I wasn’t being a good leader. I had a list a mile long of calls to make to get the launch ready, and all I could think was, I wish I could talk to Jackson right now. Maybe run away to a beach somewhere and have marathon sex until I forgot what day of the week it was.
Not that I needed a getaway to do that. I actually had no idea what today was; I was that scattered.
Winnie was looking at me expectantly, and I let out a long breath. I needed their help, but I was torn in wanting it. Letting go and delegating was hard for me, and I’d never had to do it before. I was finding it a lot harder than I expected.
“Thanks, Winnie, I really appreciate that. Let me look over the workload and see what I can do.”
She jumped up suddenly and clapped, something I didn’t realize anyone other than children did anymore, and nope, I wasn’t going to think about how old that made me feel. “That would be great! It’s just we see how hard you’re working, and we’d love to help more. That’s what we’re here for, you know?”
I nodded and smiled, guilt sinking into my stomach. I suddenly wished she had a better mentor. I couldn’t imagine I was doing much for them right now. I’d have to speak with David and maybe have them reassigned to someone else.
