Tiff’s award was the one after this if the program was correct, and I was relieved when she told me that we were leaving afterward no matter how it went.
In what seemed like mere seconds, she stood and accepted the award with the same casual confidence with which she did everything, and blissfully, there were no speeches. Just a simple handshake, photo op, and then she was grabbing my arm, and we hightailed it out of there.
“I can’t believe that dick. I wish he really was dead.”
“You don’t mean that. That’s a horrible thing to say.”
Tiff just rolled her eyes. “Can I at least wish him some serious bodily harm? And what about that witch he was with? I wanted to throw a drink on her to see if she’d melt.”
My throat was thick with emotion, but at this, I choked out a laugh, dropping my head to her shoulder and hugging her arm as the taxi took us home.
She turned her head and dropped a kiss into my hair. “You’re better than him, Auds.”
I was too emotional to smile, so I weakly nodded and said, “Thanks, Tiff. I love you, too.”
I was silent the rest of the way home, and it wasn’t until I was curled up on my bed in the dark that I let myself cry.
All I wanted to do was bury myself under a blanket and forget the world existed. Forget that tonight had happened.
But I also really didn’t want to be alone.
When he answered the phone, he sounded so relaxed I immediately regretted bothering him. “Hey, gorgeous, how did it go? I’m guessing Tiff won again.”
“Do you think you could come over?” My voice sounded as fragile as I felt.
His concern was immediate. “What happened? Are you ok?”
“Not really. Can you …” I drifted off, not even sure what I wanted to ask. I just wanted him here already, to be wrapped up in his arms and reminded that everything was alright.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
In the time it took for him to arrive, I’d run out of tears and was now pacing by the kettle as it boiled. I debated telling Jackson to go home, embarrassed that I’d worried him over what was essentially silly baggage left over from a relationship I was glad to be rid of.
There was a reason I hadn’t wanted to talk about it before now. What if he heard it and decided I wasn’t worth the trouble?
I really, really liked him. More than I remembered liking Brad at this stage. More than I remember liking Brad at any stage, and wasn’t that a scary thought. That I married someone who I never felt like this for.
The knock on the door came, and I realized that as much as I’d rather avoid this conversation, I owed Jackson the truth. If he really wanted to see where this relationship went, he should know what he was getting himself into.
He wrapped me in his arms the moment I opened the door, the surety in his hold loosening the tightness in my chest. My eyes prickled with new tears.
“Hey,” I offered weakly, blinking them back as I clung to him, burying myself in his warmth.
When we finally broke apart, there was a dark patch on his shirt where I’d cried, and he set me on the couch while he finished making the tea I had abandoned when he knocked.
He settled in beside me, close enough to touch but letting me decide what I wanted. I shuffled closer, needing the contact to calm me.
“I saw Brad tonight,” I started, watching the steam rise from the mug in my hands. Jackson was a calm presence beside me, and I breathed it in, letting it seep into my lungs before I continued. “I wasn’t expecting him to be there. He just showed up with someone.” I left out the details about Natalie because that wasn’t the part I was having issues with. “He hasn’t changed, but I don’t know, I thought—I felt—like I had, and yet … he was still able to get to me as easily as he used to.”
Jackson’s hand was gentle. “Tell me about him.”
“Do you really want to know?” I finally turned to face him.
“Yes. I want to know everything about you.” And the sincerity in his voice damn near made me want to cry again.
I closed my eyes. Started from the beginning. “We met in college. Brad was studying economics while I did business. We met at a party and just sort of fell into a relationship. I liked that he had his own life, his own friends outside of me, and I had mine. After we graduated, we moved in together without really deciding to, and then one day, we realized we’d been dating for five years, and it was probably time to get married.”
I continued, “At first, it felt like I had someone in my corner, a cheerleader. He was always looking ahead, seeing all the things I could be doing and motivating me to go after them, even if I didn’t feel ready. And it helped. It was nice to have someone see something positive in me for a change. With my parents, it was always about what more I could have done like nothing I did was enough. Brad celebrated with me and kept telling me about the next thing I could do.”
