“What are we doing here?” I ask, my throat scratchy and the words soft.
He doesn’t answer me, but walks right up to the counter and orders two slices to go.
I don’t catch what he orders, but I’m in no mood to eat so it doesn’t matter. “Hudson, what are you doing?”
His eyes roll over my body with sadness in them. It only makes me worse. “You look upset. I figured food would help.”
He thinks a slice of pizza can help? Hudson’s never been further from the truth. Nothing will help me now.
I watch the pizzeria worker take two slices of pizza and put them in the oven to heat up. It’s easier to watch her than look at Hudson. I’m scared he can see through my lies.
“There’s something upsetting you, Amanda. You need to tell me what’s wrong. The lines were blurred between us, but I’m here to keep you safe. If you’re worried about the gang, trust me. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
I nod. “I know. I trust you.”
“Then what is it?” His words grow in harshness and anger, making me flinch.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“What I don’t understand is why you won’t tell me. How can I help you if you don’t tell me the truth?” He stands directly in front of me and I’m forced to look away as the worker boxes up his order.
She dings the bell on the counter to warn us the order is done even though we’re standing right here. Hudson shakes his head, clearly irritated by my refusals.
He grabs the two small boxes of individual slices and turns to me before we go out the door. “I’m not dumb, Amanda. Ben and I both know you saw more than you’re telling.”
I suck in a breath. “You’ve been talking to Ben about me?”
His face hardens. “That’s what you’re worried over? If you don’t start telling the truth, it’s only going to lead me to think the worst about you.”
Water wells up in the corners of my eyes but I refuse to cry. Hudson doesn’t understand my dilemma. Honestly, I’m starting to question myself, which is even worse. What have I done? And when did everything get completely out of hand? I’ve been so busy denying what I saw I’m not sure I even remember what I did see.
“I didn’t see what you think I saw.”
He passes both boxes of pizza in my direction. “Fine, you keep believing that. Go ahead and eat both slices of pizza. I find myself not hungry anymore. I’ve never had an appetite for being surrounded by liars.”
His words sting, but mainly because there’s so much truth in them.
I have gone and fucked up this entire situation.
And the worst part is I don’t see any way out for me.
Either I tell him what I saw and lose friends or I keep lying and lose Hudson — and likely get found out in the end. No matter what I do, this ends badly for me and those I love.
Hudson fumes the entire walk back to my apartment. Which isn’t far in regular city miles, but when you’re doing it uphill in San Francisco, you notice the distance. And even though he is obviously pissed off, there’s something about Hudson that draws me to him. I feel as if he’s also drawn to me. He’s doing his job, but even as he walked three to four steps ahead of my own pace, I knew he was aware of where I was the entire time.
Don’t think I’ve lost my mind. I remember technically he’s in San Francisco as a bodyguard and probably doesn’t get paid if I die, but I like having someone protect me. It’s nice to know someone has my back.
He slams the door, locking it behind him when we reach the safety of the apartment.
“Shhhh,” I say over the loud squeals of hungry guinea pigs. “If we’re going to fight, let’s at least not let Marissa find out.”
He turns on a heel leveling his narrowed angry eyes in my direction. “Oh, we’re going to fight.”
That’s what I thought.
The pigs squeal louder, not happy it’s taking us so long to bring them their food. I would be the woman to buy two animals who constantly think they’re starving. Hudson opens his mouth like he’s ready to say something — probably start this fight he’s so worked up to get to — but instead he turns a new direction and heads to the kitchen. The refrigerator door opens and the bottom drawer veggie tray scrapes along the bottom.
“It’s a pepper day,” I yell at the kitchen, so he’s aware where we are in the veggie rotation.
