“You know Barry. I’m scared of what he’ll say. I told him now that your divorce is final, he has to marry me and he said no.”
Turning my head, I chuckle and do my best to get quiet so I don’t offend her. It doesn’t surprise me that he won’t get remarried. Our divorce wasn’t what you’d call pleasant. I’ve never considered myself a vengeful person — at least not until he cheated — but I made my husband pay… at the bank. I don’t feel guilty about it in the slightest.
He’s probably learned his lesson about shared assets.
“I can’t tell you what to do, Lindsey. I’m sorry. Make your own choice in how you handle it, but if you’re worried, I would ask him to be honest with you. It’s always better to know the truth than to wonder.”
It’s true. I believe every word I said. Learning my husband was a cheater sucked. It was one of the worst days of my life, but I’d rather know and get to make my own choices than go through life wondering.
“Do you think he’ll ever marry me?” she asks, her tears picking up as she wipes them away with the tissue.
I shake my head. “Maybe. He has a crazy ex-wife who took him for a lot of money in his last divorce. He might be ring shy. Give him some time.”
Lindsey smiles up at me, even though it fades as she nods her head. Right then, as I’m looking into her sad but beautiful blue eyes, I realize I’m not angry anymore. Sure, I’m still hurt — and probably always will be — but I’d rather live the life I’m living right now than still be with my ex. And I’m sorry he’s continuing his shitty behavior with new women. If he is in fact cheating. Who knows with Barry?
I reach across the table and pat the top of her hands. “If he is cheating on you, Lindsey, he is stupid.”
“I know, right?” she says, followed by a laugh when she realizes what she said. “He keeps getting awesome women and then treating us like crap and we keep going back.”
Not all of us go back, I want to say, but I refrain. It’s not the time. She has to get there on her own.
“You’re right. I’m going to go home and ask him what’s going on. I deserve better than this.”
I stand when she does and walk her to the door. “Just make sure and ask three times so you get the truth. He’s like that character from theAustin Powersmovies.”
Lindsey looks at me and blinks, not understanding a word I’ve said. Oh youth. They missed out on so many wonderful movies.
“Right, you’re way too young forAustin Powers. Push him a little. He might deny it first, but he’ll cave in the end.”
She nods her head, sturdy and strong with a new resolution. I watch Lindsey walk out the door and down my hallway with her back held straight. She’s a girl on a mission.
I spend another second locking up behind her then fifteen of them tapping my fingernails on the kitchen table before I realized that, like Lindsey, I’m stupid. Rather than admit my problems and what worried me the other day, I lashed out at Nate. It wasn’t his fault I lost my job.
He’d done nothing wrong but want to support me, which is what you should want in a relationship. But because I’ve never been in a good one, I freaked out. I used Barry’s shortcomings against Nate and that’s not fair. Nate is three times the man my ex has ever been and would ever be.
And I was stupid and let him walk out my door. When you find something great, you don’t throw it away. You cultivate it with love and kindness. Grow it to be even better.
I let the best man in Pelican Bay go and now all I can hope is he hasn’t found someone to replace me in the two days he’s been a fish back out in the sea. Pelican Bay is crawling with women looking to hook themselves an ex-military type.
I’ll never forgive myself if I lose Nate because of my stupid behavior. Screw standards. It’s time to win him back.
My cell phone is inches away from where I dropped it after texting with Tabitha, and I grab it pulling up Nate’s number. I consider the pretty women I’ve seen in Pelican Bay and a frantic side of me takes over, wanting to get my call through as fast as possible before some other woman puts her hooks in him. She could be reeling him in as I pace with the phone to my ear.
“Josie?” he asks, when he answers the phone.
I’m out of breath, worried about what to say and also trying to think as quickly as possible. “Nate! Are you at home?”
I cross my fingers he’s not at the bar.
“Yes,” he answers hesitantly.
A worst fear comes to mind. “Is there anyone else there?” I ask, my heart threatening to break open my chest.
“No, is everything okay? You’re being weird.”
“We need to talk.”
“Okay, I’ll come right over.”
