“We are interesting people. Aren’t we?” I took this apartment because it was cheapest and available, but I always planned to move closer to Clearwater where I work. However, after experiencing Pelican Bay, I changed my plans, deciding instead to look for something by the ocean.
“There’s one thing I didn’t plan for when I moved here. For the first time in my life, being surrounded by a group of SEALS isn’t enough family. I’d like to start my own.”
My stomach clenches in anticipation of what his words mean. Is it wrong of me to get so excited about a new relationship after my divorce? I told myself no more dating because men only caused problems, but I’d consider tossing it out the window for Nate. Could a man as nice, caring, and cute as Nate want to start a family with someone like me who already has a daughter and an ex-husband? He could find a beautiful, no baggage woman.
“Don’t freak out. I’m not asking you to marry me,” he says with a smile. “Although the way your body is tense right now, I’m a little worried if I ever popped the question.”
I laugh, trying to cover up my fears, and push against his chest. “We haven’t been together long enough to have the family talk.” Even though I wish we could. If only Nate and I had met before I had a past knocking at my back door.
“It is too soon. I’m not making any promises right now, but I want you to know where I’m coming from. Josie, I’m not looking for a two-month stand. I promise I wouldn’t be in Emma’s life if I didn’t plan to be here a while, and I want to be in both your lives for as long as possible.”
Hearing him say he wants to be in our lives creates another little crack in the wall formed in my chest keeping me from trusting. It’s too soon.
Neither of us are ready to say the words yet, but I hope he has found a family in Emma and me. I never thought I could be taken with a person — especially after the divorce — but as corny as it sounds Nate and I have a connection. Being with him doesn’t make me feel like I have to fill every second with mindless chatter. I don’t have to dress up and look perfect every time he’s in the room. With him I can be myself. It’s as if before I met him, I was running around looking for the second half of my soul. Now that Nate is here, I’ve been stitched back together. It’s a weird feeling I can’t escape even though my brain isn’t ready to accept I’m ready to love again. The L-word was supposed to be far away in my distant future, not staring at me in the face while sitting on my couch.
But the emotions become too much and the topic too heavy. The room fills with the silence between us as I process what he said. It’s too much for me to handle right now, so rather than jump into his lap and tell him yes please take me away, I laugh pretending the moment is lighthearted even though it isn’t. At least not for me.
“I have so much family that if you stick around, you’ll regret those words. The only thing my mother loves more than hating people is helping make them better.”
Nate laughs, sticking to my ploy of lightening the mood. “What you’re saying is I can expect to wear a lot of khakis in my future?”
I start to say yes but stop myself. “No, I want you to be who you are.” No one should have to change for my mother, and for the first time in my life, I don’t care if she likes Nate or not. I like him and that’s good enough for me. I’m the one who has to live with the choices I make, so I’m the only one who gets a say in them from now on.
Nate givesEmma a kiss on the cheek, making sure it’s extra slobbery, and then passes her off to me.
“Do you think she likes vanilla or chocolate?” Tabitha asks from behind the bakery counter.
Nate’s head lifts up, looking at the two cupcakes Tabitha holds out, one in each hand. “Chocolate, of course.”
“Nate, are you sure we want to pump her full of sugar?” I ask tentatively. Sure, she’s getting older and has had sugar before, but Emma has enough energy on her own. I can’t imagine what she’ll be like on a full cupcake.
When he mentioned bringing Emma to the bakery so I could talk with the girls while he went to work for a few hours, he never said anything about letting her consume large amounts of chocolate. The cupcake is half the size of her head. Chocolate and Emma aren’t always such the good mix. There’s no telling how it will go.
“She loves chocolate,” Nate says in a singsong voice, getting close to Emma’s face. “Doesn’t my little girl love chocolate?”
She hits him on the nose, and from the way he leans back smiling, I’m pretty sure he takes it as a yes.
“I wish I had a highchair for the bakery,” Anessa says walking over to the counter and handing Nate the chocolate cupcake. “It’s the first thing I’ll add to my next shopping list. I’m sorry,”
Nate takes the cupcake from her, using his finger to wipe off a small piece of the chocolate frosting and letting Emma stuck it off his finger. When I was a new mother, I would’ve been disgusted because who knows where his finger has been. But now I don’t know what the hell she’s eating half the time. Probably 75 percent of the food that makes it in her mouth touched the floor first. I have bigger priorities, like making sure she doesn’t run off and get lost. At some point we must get this potty-training thing started, too.
“If I leave, do you promise to stay in the building?” Nate asks, looking me in the eyes.
My word, make one little run to your storage unit and then drive through town with a car full of drugs and everyone acts like you need a babysitter.
I widen my eyes so he can see how honest my answer is. “Nate, I promise. I would never do anything with Emma.” What kind of parent does he think I am? Yes, I might let her listen Eminem but I wouldn’t risk her life.
“Nate, go do what you have to do. She’ll be fine here. If anything happens, we have our own undercover special agent right here with Crispin.” Anessa points out the same man I saw step up with Nate and Ridge during the confrontation with the motorcycles.
The blond-haired, dark-eyed man lowers the book he’s been reading — making me think he wasn’t reading all — and gives Anessa a look. Then with a fingertip to his lips he shakes his head at her. “Shhhs.”
Anessa rolls her eyes from behind the counter but Crispin only smiles.
“How long are you on crap duty, Crispin?” Nate asks.
Tabitha scoffs. “We’re not crap duty.”
“Regardless, Tabitha’s right,” Anessa butts in. “We aretheBakery Bandit girls and being stationed in the bakery is a high honor. Plus I pump them full of chocolate and food all day.”
