CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Six o’clock ticks past on the large wood-framed clock in the lobby of my building. The sound mixes with the scuffle of my tennis shoes on the tile floor as I walk to the stairwell. The muscles in my legs scream on each step up. Walking everywhere this week has taken a toll. My whole body needs a weekend at home to recuperate.
With no need to rush out of work early to avoid a certain black Escalade, I stayed later to make up hours. Yet, even after reminding myself plenty of times not to expect Jake to be waiting outside for me, I couldn’t stop the letdown I experienced when he wasn’t there. I knew better. With the lack of flowers, lunch time delivery, and that cold, to-the-point text, Finn and I are officially over. He’s done with me. Whether it was trying to get me back or an attempt at expunging his guilt, he’s over it now. The small speck of hope I'd been holding on to flew down the street as I started toward home.
I no longer need to avoid Finn at our place… um, my place so I’ve decided to go home tonight. If the number of exclamation marks in her reply is anything to go by, Rebecca was ecstatic. She read more into my text than what I sent. I'm sure she sees my returning to the nest as a sign I’m getting over the breakup. Little does she know the real heartache has just begun. Denial and I were besties this week, but now it’s time for a visit from cold, harsh reality.
The shared hallway between my apartment and the penthouse is empty. I should buy a rug for the entrance, but I worry it might be against Rule 6: No Hallway adornments. If not, my landlord might make a new rule to cover my attempt to decorate. Many times I’d forgotten Finn wasn’t my actual neighbor, but now the prospect that at any time the person who created Rule 3: No unapproved paint on any walls could come back is daunting.
“Aspen.” His voice carries through the bare space between us. My heart rejoices before I shut that shit down in fear I’m hallucinating.
I turn in the direction of the voice. Finn stands outside what was previously his door. It clicks closed behind him. Lost in my own thoughts I missed his entrance.
“Finn. You told me you wouldn’t be here.” There is so much I want to tell him. Five hundred different thoughts of what I would say in this situation came to me this afternoon, but now I can’t remember any of them.
“Yeah, I lied.” He at least has the decency to cast his head to the floor, but I don’t miss the small smirk before he does. "I needed to talk to you and I couldn’t think of another way. You wouldn’t answer my calls, you’ve dodged me at home and work.
“I tried to write out an apology, but I couldn’t fit everything I needed to on a four-inch gift card. I knew you wouldn’t read an email or a letter. What else could I do?"
“What do you think we need to talk about? Britney explained most of it to me last weekend.”
I haven’t moved from my position in front of my door and Finn uses my hesitation to decrease the distance between us. “I don’t know what Britney said to you, but I promise it wasn’t the truth. I rushed back for you on Sunday like I said I was. You weren’t here, but she was sitting in the lobby downstairs. I tried to get by her, but she followed me up the stairs and refused to leave.
“I pounded on your door and waited in front of it, but she wouldn’t shut up. I don’t even know how she got the fuck in the apartment. I didn't let her in, but I must not have locked the door. It’s only been the two of us up here. I left to hunt you down at the park. That’s where you were supposed to be. I thought she followed me down, but I was so worried about you I wasn’t paying her any attention. I just knew I had to find you.”
His hand shoots through his hair disturbing pieces that don’t lay back down right away. His words are chipping at my hardened heart. I want to believe him. “When you weren’t anywhere in the city I came back here to find her sitting on the couch, half-dressed and sputtering some shit about us being soulmates and how you understood now.” He threads his fingers through his hair again and sighs. “I had to threaten to call the police to get her to leave.
“I tried every day before and after work, but I figured you stayed with Ben. I even went over there one night. He said you were sleeping and wouldn’t let me in. I thought about making a scene, but I wasn’t going to tempt my fate. The man gets paid to carry a gun and I broke his little sister’s heart. I wouldn’t blame him if he shot me.”
I stop his apology. “Are you saying you aren’t back together with Britney?” I can’t maintain our eye contact as I ask. Ben never told me he tried to see me.
“Hell no. I don’t want to be in the same city as Britney. There is no way I could handle being in the same building as her.” Finn runs his hands through his sandy brown hair again, disrupting the wave more. “She’d been texting me for a few days. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. Britney and I are never going to happen. I told her when she showed up at the charity event, but she didn’t take the hint.”
Finn must see the skepticism when my eyes raise back to his.
“Here Aspen, look at my phone.” He pulls out his phone and passes it to me. “I haven’t answered a single one of her texts.”
I don’t want to look and one day I hope to be a big enough person I won’t need to, but that day is not today. I take the phone and scroll through the pages of texts. Finn’s not lying. His phone is full of unanswered texts from Britney. He’s received them for months, but they definitely increased over the last few weeks, her desperation growing with each message.
I hand the phone back to him. “She was your first love. You said so yourself.”
Finn hesitates for a moment. His appearance is better than our last breakup. The jeans and button down shirt he has on are clean, but his face shows a few days of stubble. Those black-rimmed glasses rest on his nose and help the overall sorrowful expression he wears. I want to go to him and wrap my arms around him, but I’m not ready yet. We could pretend this never happened, but I'm still nervous. My feelings of betrayal and hurt circle one another.
He takes another hesitant step in my direction. Now only a few scant inches separate us, but I don’t move back. “Yeah, she was. I loved Britney, but she didn’t love me. She loved the idea of what I could bring her. It was a hard lesson to learn and it’s one of the reasons I acted so stupid and didn’t tell you who I was right away.
“I don’t even regret Britney. If it hadn’t been for her breaking my heart, I wouldn’t have been able to recognize what real love was when I found it with you. I’ll forever regret not being truthful with you from day one.”
My eyes fill with moisture as my heart thumps against my ribs. “You love me?”
“More than anything in the world.” Finn closes the short distance between us. His hand runs up my jaw line where he stops to caress my face. He pulls a piece of dark-brown hair from my shoulder and wraps it around his middle finger. "I don’t know how it happened so fast, but it did and I’m not going to let it go without a fight. I’ll do whatever it takes to win you back.”
“I love you too. It makes us crazy, but I love you too.” I wrap my arms around him and shove my face into his shoulder. It helps to muffle my sobs as he strokes the hair that falls on my back.
We stand together in the hallway until a particularly big sob rocks my body and Finn pulls away. “Don’t cry, Aspen. I’m so sorry. I have so much to say and to make up for." He wipes away the tears no longer caught by his shirt. “Come to my place. We can eat dinner and then talk.”
I snuggle back into his body but don’t answer.
“Please, baby. I’m scared to leave you until this is fixed,” he pleads.
I was going to go the first time he asked, but now he’s thrown a baby in there, I can’t resist. His door is only a short few steps away, but I’m not ready to let go yet. I've dreamed about this exact moment all week without believing it would ever happen. I don’t want it to end less I find out I’m still at my brother’s house and dreaming it all.
Our hug lasts another minute while I allow Finn’s scent to fill my senses. I’ve missed his earthy musky smell. I didn’t even have his scent on a pillow while I've been at Ben’s since Sunday. Finn sighs into my hair and squeezes harder prompting me to take action.
I pull back but stand inches from him. “Okay. Let me change my clothes and then we’ll go to your place.”
His answer is quick. “No, since you’ve agreed to my plan, I refuse to let anything stand in our way. Lock the door and let’s go. You can wear something of mine. That's my favorite look on you anyway.”
I don’t move fast enough, so Finn takes my keys and closes the door for me. I expect to turn and head down the hall, but when he leads me to the stairwell I remember Finn’s place is somewhere else now. Even as I stand next to him, I experience sorrow over the thought we are no longer neighbors.
