Nicu turned slowly, death in his eyes as his whole body shuddered. Getting ready for his wrath, I squared my shoulders, staring him in the eyes, letting him know I was not backing down and would take a beating for her. I was willing to do a whole lot for that woman just based on this feeling inside of me.
Ion’s shaky voice came between us as he patted us on the back. “Brothers. We don’t need to fight. Please. Cezar, you did a good job knocking her out, so it wouldn't be a big deal to put her back. Then we don't have to think about this incident again, huh? What do you both say?”
“No,” I repeated. Ion scowled at me, but I wouldn't let this go. I did everything for my brothers. Whatever dirty, horrible job they wanted me to do, I did, no questions. All I did was follow their orders day in and day out with no hesitation.
This woman, Kazia Lee, was my destiny. I could feel it. There was something about us written in the stars, and I was not about to let my brothers ruin it for me. No. That was not happening. I was a fucking Azadian too, and I deserved some respect.
“Cezar,” Nicu started, but I wouldn’t have any.
A tidal wave of rage took over, rolling through my body. With the flick of my fingers, a glint of silver flashed, and my switchblade was at his throat. I clenched my teeth so hard the little angry men inside me were hammering at them, trying to make them shatter. “I. Am. Keeping. Her.”
Staring into the black vortex of Nicu’s eyes, I wanted to plead with him. To tell my big brother to do this for me, for once, put me first instead of the family, instead of himself, but that wasn't how this family operated. The only thing that mattered was strength, brute force, slick words, and bloody battles. Survival of the ruthless, and I wasn't giving her up. I refused to, even if it meant harming my brother.
Zar, stay strong. M’s voice shook me. It always felt like a heavy anvil clocked me in the head whenever I heard M, but this time, her words gave me resolve, my hesitation erased as my hand tightened on the blade.
After a beat, Nicu didn't move or take it any further. Only staring back at me. I was taking that as he was finally taking me seriously. Flicking my wrist, the knife sliced away from his neck and back in its sheath.
Ants crawled up the back of my legs, propelling me to move. Shoving both of them out of my way, I went to her room to watch her sleep, maybe finally feel at peace. At this point, it was two against one, so I needed to sleep with one eye open.
Reaching the door, a predictably heavy sigh followed. Nicu’s voice rang out, choking me with the finality of its tone. “You’ll need to chain her up. I’m not having some random woman in this house roaming free. Do. You. Understand?”
“Fine,” flicking my hand in the air. I would do what he said, for now. He was my big brother, after all. Like a crab had my heart in its claw, it squeezed, reminding me I was putting a line in the sand with them—something I’d never done.
Pushing that all aside, like all the other feelings I don't like to deal with, I focused on my gorgeous catch of the day. They couldn't understand that chains didn't matter. They couldn’t keep my Roma and me apart. They would learn.
4
KAZIA
"Kazia. My Kazia."
I knew that voice—my mother.
My eyes popped open, and darkness surrounded me. Moving my arms and legs did nothing, like a tether kept me suspended in space and not of my own volition. It was almost like I was treading a line between consciousness and reality, and yet I was not the one in the driver's seat.
“Kazia. You need to see. To understand.”
The voice flew around me like a whip of the wind, causing me to turn around in the dark to try to follow it.
I carefully followed the voice's direction with nothing but darkness in front of me. I didn't want to lose it, lose her. Not again.
Picking up the pace, I ended up running. The sound of my feet landing on a surface began to fade, and my heart picked up. No. I needed to follow the voice. I needed to find out what she wanted me to know.
With that need clawing in the back of my head, I pumped my arms, hoping that I would make it. I just needed to make it.
I took my next step, and it was like the ground was pulled out from under me, and I was falling. With a scream lodged in my throat, I spread my limbs out, trying to grasp or touch anything. Something tangible I could focus on.
Logic dissipated with each second that passed, and my emotions kicked in. I didn't want to die. I just lost my mom, and I’ve only touched a few of the steps of grieving. My mom's voice filled my head,“Survive, my Kazia. That’s the way of the Romani. Adapt and survive. Nature will help us in this endeavor if we let it.”
As a kid, I always took that as her telling me someone was out to get us and we needed to be hidden to survive. As an adult, I learned that true survival was about your skills to acclimate to your surroundings. It's why I got into psychology in the first place. I wanted to know those around me and be able to adapt and conform. To see and understand while keeping myself close to the chest, but at this moment, something deep inside me was telling me to let go. To let go of all of that training and knowledge and be free.
Everything inside me wanted to kick into full gear to survive this situation. My heart raced, and a frenzied panic crept on the edges of my mind as I saw no way to escape this; that was when something soft and warm filled my chest. A reassuring sensation that everything was going to be okay. If I were going to die, I would want to die feeling cozy rather than freaking out, so I closed my eyes and cleared my mind. I let go of all the teaching I’d been taught in school, of all the logic, the memories that have shaped my outlook on life, and I just gave in to the silent darkness. If I were going to die, it would be on my terms.
“Kazia, open wide. Let it go.”
Stilling my flailing arms and legs, I let them fall to my side, letting go of the control of my body. For a split second, my blood froze, and fear took over, but I let that feeling pass through me like the wind.
All at once, my body became buoyant, floating instead of falling until my ass slammed into a solid surface with a thud. Lifting my hand to my head, a dizzy sensation took over my brain until the darkness shifted, disappearing like an ink-hazed mist. Pops of yellows, reds, and green colors began to come through, and I reached for the colors.
