My fingers wove through a wet dew of soft green spears. As colors became increasingly visible, a sweet floral scent with a hint of cedar filled my nose. Outside. I was outside somewhere, somehow.
A field of flowers and hills filled my view in the blink of an eye. The vibrant greens played with the golden yellow rays, dancing along the shadowed edges as the sun set on the vivid scenery. It was beautiful, almost majestic—this period of twilight.
Closing my eyes, I let myself feel this space and time, trying to let go of my mind that wanted to figure it all out analytically and just be present in the moment.
I don't know how long I was like that because as soon as I opened my eyes, the sky was dark, and the moon was out, lighting up the whole field with its moonbeams. Looking at the full moon, so close it looked like it was within your reach, I smiled. My mom would’ve loved this moon. She would’ve grabbed my hands and wanted to dance underneath it and sing songs of the moon and its blessings.
“Listen to your heart.”
Snapping my head around, I tried to see who had said that, but it was an open field, and no one else was there.
“Listen with your heart first. Head later. They’re yours, our Chovihani.”
This time, I looked up, my brain trying to connect a mouth with the words I heard, but there was none.
A flapping sound caught my attention, and I looked to the side to see a white dove approaching me. It landed before me, looked at me with its beady eye, and cooed. Something about this bird felt familiar. I watched it trot around in front of me, almost like it was showing itself off before it faced me and sat down. The more I looked at the dove, the more something inside of me propelled me to go forward, to reach out, like my soul was connected with this being, this creature.
Instinctively, my hand lifted, wanting to touch this dove that now felt like mine. I saw it bow its head, almost like an invitation to touch it, but my eyes caught on a symbol that appeared inside my forearm. Dark lines appeared, almost like an invisible person was writing on me, and my eyes followed the strokes. The design hypnotized me.
As soon as the lines stopped forming, I pulled my arm close to look, but a burning sensation spread as it took over my whole arm.What the fuck is happening to me?Before I started to freak out, I touched it, intending to rub it off, when a hot pulsing sensation thumped under my fingers, and I jerked back. That was not a regular type of tattoo. Regular tattoos don’t feel alive, connected to something on the other end.
I didn't like this. No. My insides clenched, my heart racing so hard my chest hurt. A ragged exhale slipped from my lips, and I clutched my forearm. My mind raced:this isn't real, this can't be. At least, that's what I thought before a searing pain filled my veins, and I gritted my teeth.
The dove hopped up on my leg and trotted closer to me, and the burning sensation began to lessen. In pure shock, I watched the dove lay its wing on my arm, and the pain immediately receded.
Once the dove removed its wing, I gasped at the drawing on my arm. It was an eye, the all-seeing eye. Lifting my left hand, I touched the design to feel its realness. With no warning, my body flung back as soon as my finger touched my right forearm, and everything went dark.
My eyes flewopen as I flung myself up, grasping at my chest as the pounding of my heart echoed in every cell in my body.I was okay.I blinked.I wasn't in that place of infinite darkness.Gulping down some air, my pulse leveled out and my eyes adjusted.
Glancing around, I noticed four bare walls and a closed door to my right. My fingers slid against the soft sheets I was tucked into, and I realized this was not my bedroom. What the fuck happened to me? Was that all a dream? The whole thing felt familiar, like I’d done that before, but I didn’t know what that was. Even with my mind consumed by this weird dream, my instincts told me I was in trouble and needed to get out.
Being as quiet as possible, I moved, shifting to get out of the bed before strong, rough callus fingers wrapped around my wrist and held tight. A fingernail scraped along my wrist, jolting my body, andhisvoice sounded, “Don't worry, my Roma. I won't let them take you away.”How the fuck did he know that about me?Fear turned my body cold, frozen in space, as his hand ran up my arm and softly cupped my face. Caressing my jaw like a lover.
A sigh caressed my ear, his lips so close I could feel his hesitation, his anticipation. “They don't know,” his fingers walked along my skin from my chin to my throat, curling his hand around it and holding it there, a reminder of my position in his hands. “They don’t believe, but don't hold it against them. They’ll come around. They’re my brothers, after all. We’ll have to get along eventually.”
My whole body froze, every muscle not making a single sound as I cataloged my situation. It seemed like the man at my mother's grave drugged and kidnapped me, then took me to his house where his brothers are, and they don't seem to like that I’m here. That makes sense. Who would want some random kidnapped girl in their house? That had felony written all over it.
His inky hand left my neck, and I felt the air shift around me, the only indicator that he had moved. The eerie silence left in his wake frightened me more than having his hand on me. At least with that, I knew where he was. At this point, he could be anywhere, doing anything.
A lamp clicked on, and I flinched at the soft, warm glow from the side table before me. His deceptively beautiful face, half on display, reminded me more and more of our first meeting.
He approached me carefully, cocking his head to the side for a few seconds before continuing his advancement. The bed dipped as he sat before me, smiling like everything was normal. Everything about this situation was just regular life.
“They tell me you're the one, but they didn't have to. I feel it.” He leaned forward, and my body burst into action, scooting away from him as fast as I could, that was until my left ankle jerked me back.
He shook his head, looking down, his nose crinkling up in disgust as he tugged at the blankets to reveal my ankle cuffed in a thick nylon rope that was tethered to the bed. “I didn't want to do that to you,” his face turned up, his emerald eyes wide and watery like it pained him to continue, “but…” His whole face changed; his eyes went hard, and his face turned down, his body shaking uncontrollably. “It was the only way they would accept you staying!” He smacked the bed so hard I jumped again, everything inside of me telling me to run.
This man was unstable. That I knew, but his growing obsession with me was also alarming. My psych student mind forced its way to the forefront, reminding me that I could survive this if I got him on my side. I needed to test how much he cared.
Closing my eyes, I let out a soft sob. His whole body turned to me. His hands hovered over me like he didn't know what to do about me or how to help. “W-what is going on? Are you hurt?”
His eyes searched for the culprit of my pain, but I kept my face down as I whispered my reply, “The rope hurts, and I just… I’m nervous your brothers will want to eliminate me when you aren't looking.”
Flicking my eyes up through my lashes, making my lip quiver, I wanted to ensure I looked helpless and pitiful. He lunged forward, wrapping gentle hands around me as he held me, and I made sure to choke down a sob. “Shhhh. I won't let that happen.”
“B-b-but,-”
He pulled me away and cupped my face with both hands as he leaned his forehead against mine. “I. Won't. Let. Them.” The fierceness in his voice was absolute, “They would have to kill me first, and neither of them have the guts for that.” His hands wove into my hair, carefully holding me in place. “They don’t know how this feels. At least not yet… but they will.”
