A low chuckle escaped Vidar and made me question myself.
“I hear you revealing your doubts and yet I am flattered that my cock is the thing keeping you sane.”
“That is far from what I said.”
“Is it?” His hand slipped between my legs, his fingers finding my center. “Every time I touch to you. Every time I’minsideyou.” He slid two fingers deep, driving his point home when my thoughts ceased running rampant. “Is that not what you just said?”
“Should you not be upset by what I’ve just admitted? What if I am using you?”
“Then use me.” He pumped his fingers a couple times before withdrawing and dragging his touch up my side until he was cupping my breast in his hand. “I believe neither of us knows what the word means,” he said calmly. “Perhaps it is why I said it so quickly. Perhaps it is why you have not said it at all. We are monsters, built on hate and violence. How are we to know anything? Either way, you desire my company and I desire yours. We need not name the reasons why.”
“I care about you a great deal. More than you know. More than I want to admit for fear of it all being ruined. I think something is coming. Something awful that could tear all of this—whatever this is—to pieces. And what then? What am I without you? Without Meridan? Without your crew, even? I saw the way Aeris looked at Nazario and the way he looked at her and… we are so different from them.”
He sighed, sliding his arms around my waist.
“You cannot continue like this. Withhimin your head, infecting the thoughts we share.”
“And what if it’s my own madness I’m facing, passed down from a cruel mother, and Akareth is an entity that cannot bedestroyed? What if we’ve been using him as an excuse for our actions all this time, but the true devil is insides us like a sickness?”
“The sons force me to believesomethingis amiss. We will hunt every last one if that is what it takes.” His hand came out of the water, gliding around the back of my neck and pulling me close. “Call me selfish because whether or not this is love, I want you to myself.”
When our lips met, it was gentle. Controlled. It was… different. Our bodies had always come together in an untamed frenzy, desperate for aggression and ferocity. But that kiss was warm. Consuming. My heart raced over the sound of the crackling fire, swelling with Vidar’s presence. He had become my anchor in a world that was a hurricane, always trying to tear me apart.
“What are words but sounds we make,” I whispered. “To try and convey what we are feeling? If we were mute, would you doubt that I care about you?”
“Even though I scarcely remember my dreams, whether you’re in them or not, I know we are bonded in a way we cannot escape. We care about each other and that is good enough for me.”
I slid my fingers up the side of his neck to his scruffy jawline, tracing it to the corner of his mouth. “You’re a broken man, Vidar. As much as you pretend otherwise when you wake. You know I cannot mend you. I can only break you further. And if my fate is madness, I fear you would follow me.”
“You will break me until I cannot recognize myself.” His mouth curled beneath my fingertips. “A fate I will gladly accept.”
He parted his lips, letting the tip of my finger dip inside. His eyes were smoldering as he grazed me with his teeth.
I wanted to say it. I wanted to so badly, but I feared I didn’t understand well enough to speak it aloud. Seeds of guilt had been planted and I was feeling ill as they took root.
He was all that was standing between me and the depths… I wanted him to be more, but I could scarcely tell what anything meant anymore.
Cleaned and satisfied, the two of us rose from the tub and dried our skin with the thin cloths that the inn had provided. We didn’t bother dressing. Tired and in need of a good night’s rest, the two of us crawled under the covers on the bed and laid our heads down on the flat pillows. I found myself on my side, my hands under my cheek as I stared at the window shutter. I missed the sound of the ocean. The way the water cradled me as I slept, gently rocking me beneath her currents. I missed the salty spray of waves hitting rocks. But what I missed most was enjoying all of those things without something watching hungrily from the shadows.
Vidar rolled over, his strong arm sliding around my waist to rest against my bosom. The way he fit against my body, his chest pressed to my back, drew a long sigh from me. I found solace somehow in his chaotic, brutal presence. He was my home away from home, if the sea could be called that anymore.
I inched into him, trying to get as close as I could to his warmth, and he held me tighter as if he knew what I needed. His hot breath caressed the back of my neck. His lips kissed my shoulder. To fight the pull of the deep, I needed his belligerence. That night, I found comfort in his gentle touches and kind words, instead.
It was not where I ever imagined finding peace, but for the first time in my life, I had. I closed my eyes, thoughts of violence leaving my body like poison leaving an open wound, and I welcomed the much-needed sleep.
It's a masquerade, is it not?
This grand event we call life.
~Annabelle Keith
I’d never known Dahlia to be so gentle. Our violence matched. It more than matched. Sometimes it seemed as if we were competing. But that night, after spilling her fears about Akareth, something happened. I saw it in her eyes. I saw it... and I hated it. I wanted to soothe it, but I had no idea how.
I held her tight, breathing her in as she slept and savoring the soundless, relaxed state of her because I knew it would not last. We were on our way into the fire, searching for the most horrendous dangers the world had to give. We intended to face them, so there would be no peace for us going forward. Somehow, we’d found a moment of silence on an island that was anything but. In a place that was filled with rowdy chatter, crime, and madness. But the madness of Thorpes was predictable and petty and it sang us both to sleep.
I wanted to remember what it felt like for a while.
Hours after we’d both closed her eyes, something roused me from my slumber. I wasn’t sure why I woke up, but I felt a need to, and it was never wise to ignore a hunch. I carefully rose from the bed, glancing down at Dahlia’s sleeping form and the way the covers conformed to her feminine figure like melted wax. I didn’t want to leave her company, but I felt the urge to go to the window and check on the streets below.
