“What do you believe in, Vidar Woelfson?”
“I believe in no god. I make my path and I am responsible for every choice. Every mistake.”
“And do you take comfort in that?”
“Great comfort. When you know your life is in your hands, it’s liberating. Devastating at times, but worth the freedom to choose. It is a great burden to bear knowing you are fully responsible for your future, but it is a burden I gladly carry. It’s a coward’s way out to blame your actions on a higher power. To blame your failures on something else and to rely on that thing for your successes.”
My fingers slowly crawled up his chest to the jagged scar that stretched down his sternum.
“But control is a lie,” I muttered, coiling my fingers around the necklace that now held his pendant around his neck. “I could so easily take that freedom from you like my mother did when she made you kill your father.”
“But you can choose not to,” he whispered, grabbing my wrist and easing my hand away from his chest. “And that is not the will of a god. That is you. We chose not to kill each other when everything in this world was driving us to do so.”
I met his eyes, sinking deep within those umber depths. They lit up against the firelight, making his eyes look full of flames.
“I would never hurt you,” I whispered. “Not if it ismywill controlling my hand. You know that, right?”
He sat up, lifting his head toward me. “Then say you love me.”
The statement caught me off guard. I blinked at his words, finding them to be almost amusing.
“You know I—”
“Believe it or not, you have not said it. Not once.”
“Words are too simple to describe—”
“Words are easy.” He tucked his knuckle under my chin, lifting it as soon as I lowered my eyes from his. “It is just one. One small word. I’ve said it.”
My heart ached as if I was short of breath. I tried to move away from him only for him to catch my hips and pin me in place.
I felt like a coward.
“Dahlia. If you cannot say it, then tell me why. Was I too rash when I said you loved me up north?”
“No.”
“Then say it.”
“How do you know you love me?” I blurted out.
He chuffed as if the question was too ridiculous to take seriously. But despite that, he hesitated too long to instill any confidence.
“For starters, I risked my ship to get you back from Collin.”
“You tease death every day. How much value does your life really have to you? And, if you recall, I was not the only thing on that ship that you wanted. David was there and I know he’s like a son to you.”
His brows furrowed. “Talk to me. I cannot know all. Our dreams together—the ones I remember—are less clear than anything I’ve ever known. So, talk to me. Tell me what is on your mind. Truly.”
“What if there is doubt?” I finally said, wincing at the words once they left my lips.
Vidar’s eyes narrowed. “Is there now?”
“Every time you touch me,” I began. “Every time you are inside me or even speaking to me, I do not hearhim.You are the shield through which damning thoughts cannot reach me and I cannot bear the thought of you not being here, but… I cannot help but think of how selfish that all sounds. I do not want to lose you because I do not want to lose myself.”
Vidar paused, his grip on my hips loosening. “Him. You mean Akareth. I thought you were questioning his existence and now you’re afraid I’m the only thing standing between you and him?”
“I don’t know what to believe, but I know that something is pulling me into the darkness. My need for vengeance distracted me for eighteen years. Now… I find myself clinging to you in a different way, but for much the same reason. You are the one that stopped me from jumping into the sea that night when all I could hear was his voice. Perhaps it truly is all in my head and I am going mad, but the fact remains. You keep me here in reality, a place I’m finding harder and harder to cling to as the days pass.”
