“Lilah?”
Ben’s voice reaches me, and the concern in it makes me inwardly cringe. I want to acknowledge him, but this situation is awkward. I don’t have the energy to soothe him right now. Even if I did, what could I say?
I’m fiiiiine. I got stabbed, but supposedly Xavier didn’t mean it, okay?
Before I can gather the courage to open my eyes and face him, Xavier’s voice cuts through the room, sharp and commanding.
“She needs to rest, McKenzie. Now’s not the time.”
The air shifts, charged with an undercurrent of tension that wasn’t there a moment ago. Part of me wants to get involved, but the other half wants to see what they’ll say if they think I’m asleep.
God, I’m a nosy bitch.
“I just want to see how she’s doing, X. That’s all.”
Ben’s voice is tight, controlled, but there’s an edge to it, a hint of anger simmering underneath the surface. If he challenges Xavier in any way, I’ll have to intervene.
Boys and their testosterone… I swear it’s the stuff of legend. And stupidity.
“She’s fine,” Xavier says, his voice equally sharp. “But you barging in here isn’t helping. She’s been through enough without having to deal with this.”
“This?” Ben’s incredulous laugh is mocking. Bitter. “You mean me being here? Or you stabbing her?”
The accusation echoes in the room. I breathe deeply to keep my panic at bay. They won’t kill each other because they’re not allowed to. I think.
“How did you find out?” Xavier asks. “You weren’t there.”
“You’re not the only one who went through the first Trial.”
“Who did the Order pick as your target?”
Quiet fills the room, spreading like a dense fog. I wait for Ben’s answer like it’s the key to understanding everything that happened. Or it could be that I want to know what he’s gone through. He’s still my brother, my family, no matter what he’s done.
“It was this girl I messed around with last year,” he says.
“And?”
“And what?” Ben blows out a breath. “You know what, X.”
I crack my eyelids, gazing up at him from underneath my lashes. Ben’s face is contorted with emotional anguish and self-loathing. The painful sight of it makes me wish I hadn’t seen him this way. I slam my eyes shut.
“No, I don’t, McKenzie. Before you throw shit my way, maybe you should tell me about what you’ve done.”
“I didn’t mean to do it.” A deafening pause, and then, “I killed her.”
“Why?” Xavier asks.
His voice is even, lacking judgment, while I lie there in complete horror. I know both of them are assassins, and I know they’ve killed other people, but for Ben to admit it out loud? I don’t know if I can stomach it, no matter how many times I hear it spoken.
“I kept second guessing what the Order wanted from me,” Ben says. “I knew it was a loyalty test, but to what extent? Would I pass if I simply wounded her, or was the point for me to kill her without hesitation?” Ben groans, the sound muffled as though he’s covering his face. “I couldn’t take the chance of failing.”
“I’m assuming you didn’t.”
“I passed,” Ben says, his tone full of disgust. “But did she have to die? That’s something that’ll fuck with my head for a long time.”
“You know the position we were in,” Xavier says. “I had to throw my knife at Delilah in order to protect her. I believe they would’ve killed her otherwise.”
“I think you’re right. I just hate seeing her like this.” Ben sighs, the sound full of defeat. “There had to be another way.”
