“Not one I was willing to make.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
He looks away, the silence stretching out between us like a chasm. I can’t cross it, and I’m not sure I want to. Being around this man is a risk, not only to my welfare but to my emotions.
“Xavier,” I say, prompting him gently. “Tell me.”
When his gaze locks on mine, it’s full of remorse, an emotion that has no place in the eyes of a killer. I’ve never seen him look so… human.
“They know,” he says quietly, as if admitting a cardinal sin.
“Who?”
“Everyone. The leaders of the founding families know how I feel about you. If not, then they wouldn’t have used you against me. To test me. If I didn’t throw the knife at you, they would’ve killed you. My refusal would’ve shown them my loyalty isn’t to the Order. That it belongs to you.”
“Does it?”
His brows snap together. “What do you think?”
“I’m lying here with a stab wound. I’m not sure what to think. You were so… cold and distant the last time I saw you.”
“I had to act like it didn’t matter if you were hurt.”
I bite my lip. “Did it?”
He stands to his feet, fists clenched, his body towering over me. “Of course it fucking did! Watching you get dragged up there and tied to the board? Then seeing you bleed out?” He briefly closes his eyes as though in pain. “I never want to go through that again. Ican’t.”
I stare at him with my mind racing. Xavier claims to care about me. Is it because I’m his bride, his property in the eyes of the Order? Or is there something beyond this secret society that’s just between the two of us?
“You could’ve warned me,” I say.
“Until I saw you on the rooftop, I didn’t know what they were trying to accomplish.” He crosses his arms over his massivechest. “How did they get you out of the room? There’s no way they could’ve gotten to you unless you opened the door.”
I freeze. That’s the last thing I want to tell him. The reason I ended up bound and gagged was because the person on the other side of the door said that Xavier’s life was in danger. That threat was enough to get my cooperation.
Maybe he’s not the only one who’s undergone a test of loyalty.
“I’m tired,” I say, desperate to avoid the subject.
He studies me for a moment. “Get some sleep.”
I close my eyes obediently. Xavier returns to the chair, the sound of it sliding against the wooden floor the only indication of movement. He doesn’t leave.
“You don’t have to stay here and watch me,” I say. “I’m sure the nurse is able to do their job without you hovering nearby.”
“That’s not happening.”
I shrug before turning onto my side, giving him my back. It’s the only way I’ll get any sleep with him staring at me.
“Delilah?”
“Hm?”
“I’m glad you’re not dead,” he says, his voice carrying a teasing lilt.
A reluctant smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. “Me too.”
The soundof the door opening in the silent room brings me back into awareness. I’m lying on my back, and my body still feels as though it’s under a weighted blanket. But the haze of medication dulls the pain, and I’m grateful. I wish the turmoil in my mind could be treated as efficiently with prescription drugs.
