Brenda shrugs. “I don’t know. That’s why I’m here. I wanted to ask him if there’s any chance for us.”
“Us?” I repeat, my voice a squeak.
“Yeah. I know he cares about me, or he wouldn’t have tried to get me into rehab.”
The word “us” echoes in my mind, the implications reverberating with unspoken and unanswered questions. Brenda’s mention of rehab adds another layer to the complexity of their relationship. There’s clearly a history of feelings that I wasn’t aware of, but it doesn’t matter.
Xavier wanted to be there for her.
“I see.” I force the words from my mouth, eager to be finished with this conversation. “Like I said, Xavier’s not here, but you two do have a lot to talk about.”
Brenda’s lips thin. “I’m not trying to screw you. I just need to get away from Eric. He…” She shudders. “Anyway, I’ll see you around.”
Her words, meant to smooth out the tension, only amplify my fear. A year is a long time to fulfill a contract.
Chapter 42
DELILAH
Brenda turns and walks away, dragging her feet as though heading toward an execution. Maybe she is. The recruits weren’t allowed to kill each other in the Bride Hunt, but what restrictions do they have with us?
Her departure does little to ease the tight knot of anxiety in my stomach. I shut the door and lean on it with my eyes closed, attempting to draw deep breaths to steady my nerves. Feelings of helplessness wash over me.
What the fuck am I supposed to do about this? Can I do anything?
Being in this vulnerable position as Xavier’s bride has my emotions shifting from uncertainty to a simmering anger. The more I reflect on the situation, the more righteous indignation heats me all over.
I pace the room, muttering to myself. I don’t deserve this shit. If Ben were my recruit, he’d treat me with respect and kindness. Xavier, on the other hand, is a huge risk.
If I thought aligning myself with him would provide me with a semblance of safety, I was mistaken. Our relationship is a minefield, leaving me to navigate it while constantly worriedthat the next move could be my last. Meanwhile, Xavier strolls merrily through this situation without a care in the world.
The realization halts my steps. And has me raging. If Xavier thinks he can do whatever he wants while I sit and wait for him to dictate my life, he’s in for a surprise. I refuse to be a trophy. Or worse, a tool in his game of power, easily traded or discarded.
I retrieve my phone from my pocket. My fingers hover over the screen, my body humming with bitterness. I need to feel like I’m not alone, like someone gives a shit about me and isn’t willing to toss me aside.
After selecting Ben’s name, I type out a quick text asking him to hang out. My hands grow sweaty while I wait for his response. My foster brother might’ve said I was the most important person in his life, but right now, I want him to prove it.
My phone buzzes, and I open the text with trembling fingers. Relief washes over me when I read that Ben is heading over. Leaving Xavier’s room against his wishes is a small step in my plans for rebellion, but any effort to regain control over my life comforts me.
Minutes later, there’s a knock on the door. I check the monitor before opening the door to find Ben leaning against the wall. His presence, familiar and welcoming, immediately puts me at ease.
“I thought you were pissed at me,” he says. He smiles, a genuine expression that reaches his eyes, making them bright with affection. For me. “But I’m glad you texted.”
“I realized that I’m angry about this entire situation. But it feels wrong to be mad at you.”
“It’s so good to hear you say that, Lilah. Ready?” He offers me his arm in a gesture that’s full of camaraderie, rather than authority. “I think it’s time for me to introduce you to the world of video games.”
I grin and weave my arm through his, allowing myself to be led away from a room that’s more of a prison cell than a sanctuary.
When we reach Ben’s dorm room, I find it similar to Xavier’s in appearance, but the vibe is completely different. Ben has his stuff everywhere. One look, and you can get a feel for who he is as a person, even down to the candy bar wrappers lying right next to the trash can.
“So you're a slob now?” I ask with a smirk.
He chuckles. “I guess so. We didn’t have enough money for junk food, so I didn’t know I sucked at picking up trash until I had the means.”
I duck my head, not wanting him to feel my disconnect. I might be part of this university and the Order in a way, but I don’t have the finances that comes with it. It’s one of the reasons I’m a bride to begin with.
“You want something to drink?” he asks.
