I silently watch her turn until she’s facing me. Her eyes are bloodshot, face wet with tears.
Her voice drops to a murmur. “He just wasn’t you.”
I rest my forehead against hers. I can barely breathe, let alone look at her. We’re sobbing in the lukewarm water. We sit like this for minutes.
“I was there,” I choke my words out, my stomach sick from all the years we’ve lost because of me.
She looks up, disbelief in her eyes. “What?”
“I went to that alley, Charlotte.” I squeeze my eyes shut and place both hands on her cheeks. “I left because I thought you wouldn’t actually come. I thought I was being stupid and selfish and that you deserved better than me showing up days before your wedding day?—”
“You left?” Her voice is hollow.
“Yes.” I dip my head, sobbing again, barely able to finish my words. “Five, maybe ten minutes before you got there. We just missed each other. I should never have left. I am so fucking sorry.”
We sit in silence for a long time. Neither of us moves in the cold water.
“I tried,” Charlotte whispers eventually, staring at the wall. “After the wedding, I tried so hard to make my marriage work. I thought maybe if we started a family, things would be different.” Her breath hitches. “But when I lost the baby, all I felt was relief and then guilt for feeling relieved for having a miscarriage.”
“Fuck, Charlotte. I’m so sorry,” I say, grabbing her hand and pulling her tighter into my embrace. I sound like a broken record, but I don’t know what else to say, but I still can’t string more words together.
She continues. “Meanwhile, Eli was devastated. At that moment, I knew I had to break his heart. It wasn’t fair to either of us anymore. I left him six months later. He deserved better. I couldn’t forgive myself for pretending you weren’t the one I wanted on my wedding day.”
We sit in silence; the only sound is a droplet falling from the faucet. I press my lips to her shoulder, leaving them there for several seconds.
When Charlotte’s breath finally steadies, she turns and looks at me. “I love you. That’s what I wanted to say in the hallway the night of the rehearsal.”
Our gaze holds.
This time, I don’t apologize, finally realizing that some truths are too big for words. Instead, I tip her chin up with my finger and brush our lips together. She deepens the kiss and for a moment, our past heartbreak melts away.
Our kiss ends and Charlotte releases a deep exhale, then blinks, probably attempting to rid the daze from hours of crying. She nods toward the two mugs on the side table. “Our hot chocolates are cold.”
I huff a jagged breath. “They are. I’m ready for bed, though. I’ll make more tomorrow, if that’s okay.”
She nods, then pauses. “Kez?”
I meet her eyes.
“I’m glad you’re here,” she says, a sincere warmth in her voice.
I grab her hand and plant a kiss across her knuckles. “Me too.”
We step out of the bathtub, and she pulls the drain plug free. The gentle rush of water spiraling away reminds me to grab the softer of the two towels. I hold it up.
Charlotte attempts to lighten the mood, which I appreciate. “I was reading a new health report by a Doctor Hazel Jones the other day.” She approaches and raises her arms for me to wrap the towel around her body. “It said couples who cuddle naked together raise their heart health by seventy percent.”
Warmth spreads through my chest at the thought of a life where Charlotte and I end up together. I wrap my arms around her from behind, pulling her into a tight hug. “Are you sure it was from only cuddling?” A sly grin forms on my face.
She chuckles. “Oh, I’m certain that’s exactly what the article meant.”
I catch her lip biting grin through the mirror reflection, and we face each other. I plant a tender kiss on her forehead, then her nose and finally those incredibly soft lips. “Then we’d better listen to the doctor’s orders.” I certainly have no complaints about not sleeping on the floor.
Her smile widens. She grabs my hand and leads us to the bed. My bed? Her bed? I don’t know anymore. At this moment, I just want the simple things. I just want her.
I stir awake after midnight, my usual time for a late night snack. I smile at Charlotte’s warm legs intertwined with mine. Behind her, I press a gentle kiss against her bare shoulder, engulfing inthe smell of her vanilla cashmere lotion. I caress up and down her sides, savoring the softness of her skin and the intimacy of Charlotte being naked in my arms.
“Hey, you,” she whispers softly, tilting her head, and granting me more access to her neck.
