Sebastian
Daddy's arms hold me so tightly, it almost suffocates me. I don't mind. If I could, I'd bury myself under his skin and become part of him.
I'm finally feeling like myself.
The fog from earlier and that oppressive darkness no longer have their claws in me.
I know I scared Daddy, but I didn't expect him to waltz into my apartment. How did he even know where I live? Before I ask anything, I suppose I owe Daddy an explanation.
No. Owe isn't the right word. I hate owing people. Usually, they owe me things. That way is much more fun.
I poke around in my feelings, trying to figure out where this desire to explain myself comes from. It's a foreign feeling. First time I've felt it. Fascinating.
I love new experiences.
Especially when they're connected to my Daddy.
After a few minutes, I realize that the answer is simple: I just want to share with my Daddy. That's it. I want him to know the real me. Even if I have to buy a house, tie him to a room, and keep him there because he'd be terrified of me. I pout at the thought of Daddy being afraid of me. He has nothing to be afraid of. I would never hurt him. I can't say the same about anyone else.
"Daddy?"
"Yes?" he croaks the word so quietly, like he's afraid to speak louder.
"I didn't try to kill myself. I wouldn't. Not when I have you." Maybe that last bit scares him because he shivers, but keeps holding me.
"What… what happened, Sebastian? Why- why did you hurt yourself?"
I sigh and search for the words I never needed to use before. I bite my lip, the sure sign I'm nervous. Fuck it. Daddy already claimed me. There's no going back. I would do anything for this man, even if I'm not sure he'll stay once he sees all of me. Not that he'll have another choice.
"Sometimes I have these dark moments and thoughts."
"Dark moments?" Daddy starts to stroke my head. The motions soothe me.
"Yes. They can be triggered or come from nowhere. But the two are different. Tonight it came from nowhere."
"Can you share more? I want to understand you better, little one?" Swoon. My heart is melting.
But the topic we're discussing makes me pout.
"The darkness comes out of nowhere. It's very oppressive. It consumes me, and no matter what, I can't shake it. It brings a haze in my mind like I'm me but not really."
We sit in silence for a bit before Daddy softly asks, "Does it happen often?"
"Not really. From time to time," I shrug because I don't keep a record. "But this oppressiveness, the darkness, the hollowness, the fucking haze… I hate it. The only way I can get rid of it is to get it out from under my skin."
Daddy shivers and cradles my head like he can keep the darkness away.
"Is that why you cut?"
"Yes. I've done it before and it always works," I say, almost cheerfully.
Daddy pulls back and looks at me. The lights are on, and thank fuck for that because I can see my Daddy clearly. His eyes are glassy.
I jump in bed or try to, but Daddy holds me in place.
"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" I ask, panicking.
"I'm not," he rasps.
