I shake my head. No, my boy's not fine. How could he be fine?
"Where's your first aid kit?"
"Under the sink."
I don't want to let him go, too afraid he'll disappear if I do. So I stand with him still in my hands, uncaring that it's harder this way.
I quickly go to the sink and crouch.
"I'll take it, Daddy."
Sebastian opens the drawers, but I grab the kit myself, holding him with one arm as if he might vanish if I let go.
I hurry to his bedroom and lay him on the bed as gently as I can. He's shivering, soaked through, and pale. My stomach twists as I take in the cut again. It's not gushing, but it's still open and bleeding.
Do I need to take him to a hospital?
"I really am fine," he murmurs.
I narrow my eyes. "I decide whether you're fine. And obviously you're not. Now lie there and let me take care of you."
I clean the wound, disinfect it, and then bandage it. My hands are steady, even though inside I'm unravelling.
Once I'm sure he won't bleed out, I grab a towel, wet it, and return to him. I undress him carefully, clean every inch of his body, then dry it. I grab some clean clothes and dress him. When I slide his trousers up, I catch sight of old scars along his thighs. My teeth grind as rage floods me. Not at him, never at him. But at the thought of him hurting so deeply, alone, without me there to protect him.
Sebastian is mine.
Fucking mine.
And I'll be damned if I ever again let him hurt himself like this.
The sudden, overwhelming overprotectiveness nearly crushes me.
"Daddy?" he asks hesitantly, biting his lower lip.
"It's okay, boy. I've got you."
I strip down to my boxers, toss my wet clothes aside, and climb under the blankets. I pull him into my arms and lock him there. My body is taut as wire, but even if I tried, I can't relax.
From all the scenarios my mind ran through tonight, finding him bleeding out in a bathtub with blood clouding the water and his head slipping under was never one of them.
Just like that, in one moment, I could have lost him.
I squeeze my eyes shut, but the sight of him in that bathroom still flashes before my eyes.
I wish I knew what to say, how to soothe him, how to help. But it's like my mouth is full of lead and I can't speak.
Never in my life had I been as scared as I am right now.
I just hope holding him in my arms is enough for now. I hope it gives him some comfort and makes it clear I'm never letting him go.
In this moment, I vow: no matter what, no matter how dark it gets, I will never let go of Sebastian.
He's mine.
From now on till our last breath, he's mine.
Chapter twenty-three
