I closed my eyes, deciding not seeing anything would be better than seeing the shadow before us. “There’s nothing left to be sorry for, Sunshine. If things hadn’t happened the way they did, we might not be where we are now. At least, that’s how I like to look at it. But I did wonder, and still do wonder, about that day. How abrupt it was. You left me signs, and I just ignored them.”
“Jude wanted me to stop being friends with you and move out. He talked about it sometimes. He said you wanted me as more than a friend, and I always said that wasn’t true. But then he fed me all these ideas. So many ideas. I thought he loved me. I truly thought he loved me.”
I held him closer to me, soaking in the way he felt in my arms. “Do you not think he did?”
He rolled off me, lying on his back. I followed him, opening my eyes to stare at the side of his face. He was watching the ceiling, staring at it like it had the answers to a hundred secrets. “Not like you do.”
My heart took on a different beat, stopping and startingwith a whole new rhythm. I knew that if I put my hand on his chest, his would be the same. Two souls, bound together. One heart, beating for each other. A dark moon, yearning for the rays of the sun.
Elio turned his head toward me, his eyes searching my face. “Oh, honey.” His voice was soft. So fucking soft, I didn’t think I’d be able to hear it if I had my earbuds in.
When his thumb swiped beneath my eyes, I wasn’t sure what it was for. Until I felt a tear fall just right, flowing into my ear. I was crying. Without even knowing it, I had been crying.
“I know you love me, Cres. Because I love you, too. In a whole new way than I ever have before. But for you, it feels the same. Like our friendship before had always been more, and I was just blind to it.”
I didn’t try to wipe the tears as they fell. I let them blur my vision, turning Elio into a haze of beauty. My throat felt tight, a hundred thousand words trying to push through at the same time. When I finally spoke, it was shaky, cracking after almost every word. “You love me, too?”
Seeing Elio nod was the final straw. The cold, hard proof I needed to understand that, yes, Mom and Dad had always been right. The universe knew. It always knew.
“Oh, fuck, baby.” I gasped the words, smiling so hard through them that my cheeks were starting to hurt from the strain. He could feel my love?
He could tell how much I loved him? That I always had?
“Oh, fuck, baby.” The same words, with a whole new meaning. My smile turned into a grimace as the tears started to burn. I took a deep breath, holding it in, trying to keep from feeling it. From saying it.
If he could feel how much I loved him, could he feel how strong I’d tried to be for him?
Was it enough?
Was it ever going to be enough?
“Let it out, Cres. I’m right here.” His hand was on me.
Elio was holding me. The moment I exhaled, I realized that Elio was holding me as I broke.
When I looked at his face, I could see the shadow people around him. Three or four were lurking in the corners of the bedroom, taunting me just by existing.
“You’ve done so much for me, honey. Let me do the same for you. Let me help you. Let me love you, too, in the wayyoudeserve.” His voice was so sweet. So full of life, and light, and fucking sunshine.
I leaned forward, crying into his shoulder. “My Sunshine.”
“Something has been bothering you, huh? Something you haven’t told me about.” He petted my hair, holding me close. “I’ve got you. And I’m never letting you go, either.”
With each heaving sob, more of the dark, sticky tendrils that’d taken over most of my body came out. Elio whispered in my ear, heartbreaking, soft whispers of encouragement I could feel deep in my heart. The same heart he shared with me.
He held me until I couldn’t cry anymore, nothing left except odd, pained whimpers coming out of my mouth. Gently, he pulled my face away from his chest, wiping the stray tears from my cheeks. My nose was running, my eyes were damn near swollen shut, and I couldn’t see a thing.
I couldn’t see anything clearly, at least. Elio was there, blurry and bright. The sun had moved just right, hitting the suncatcher, casting a rainbow over his face.
He looked like an angel again. A beautiful, glowing angel. I was sure he had the most beautiful wings, large and strong enough to take us both into the sky, where nothing else seemed to matter. Where the sun could touchour skin, warm our bones, and show us the meaning of it all.
The love I had for Elio could never be measured in simple words or even grand gestures. It was all-consuming. It was obvious and necessary. I’d never not loved him.
He cupped my face in his hands and pressed his lips against my forehead. “We don’t have to talk about it now, but I do want to talk about it eventually. Do you think your family will let us stay in bed for a while longer?”
“Yeah.” I had to clear my throat, my voice raw and shaky. “They won’t bother us until we come out.”
“We’ll stay in here, then. I can cuddle you until we’re ready to go eat and spend time with them. How does that sound?”
