“Okay.”
“Okay?”
I nodded, leaning back into his shoulder. My safe place. “Okay.”
Honestly,I didn’t want to leave the bed. The sheets were stuck to my skin, keeping me bound to the mattress with Elio right on top of me. Having him there helped. I had something to focus on other than the shit my head was making up for me.
When I heard a voice, I searched for the sound of his breathing instead. When I saw a hole in the wall or the upper half of a disembodied shadow, I’d close my eyes and think of him. Feel his weight against me. Feel the warmth radiating from him.
Elio mumbled against my chest, wrapping his arm tighter around me. “I was thinking.”
“Hmm?”
“I want to paint on that canvas. In the bedroom where I left it. You think I’d have time?”
I looked up at the window, trying to find the sun. I think it was around mid-afternoon, but I wasn’t sure. “I’m not sure. We don’t have to be up early tomorrow, so maybe if you stayed up.”
“That sounds good. Will you stay with me while I do it?”
“Wouldn’t dream of anything else, baby.”
We lay in silence a bit longer. I tried to will my muscles to move. Everything felt so heavy that I wasn’t sure just how successful I’d be.
One of Elio’s fingers was drawing circles on my chest, right where my heart was. “Will they be mad if we don’t come out much today?”
I shook my head, rubbing my hand up and down his back. “They know this is a lot. They’ll understand. We can come down more often, too.”
“Okay, yeah, you’re right. Do you think you’re ready to say hi to them? We can go to my old room after.”
No, not really. The idea of lying in Elio’s old bed, watching him paint, sounded a lot more fun. “Sure. I just need to find it in me to put some new pants on.”
He was already sitting up. “No need, honey. I got it.”
I wanted to argue. Really, I did. But there wasn’t much left in me to do so. It should’ve been me taking care of him, not the other way around. Right?
When he got back to the bed, I hadn’t moved an inch. I watched as he pulled the blanket off me and held a hand out. I gripped it, letting him pull me up a bit. He’d picked out a pair of sweatpants for me, and some shorts with ashort-sleeved shirt for himself. We got dressed and headed to the door in silence.
“I got you, remember? Just like you’ve got me.” Elio grabbed my hand, holding it as he opened the door with his other one.
We made our way downstairs, finding Mom and Dad in the living room. They turned our way, both in their yoga attire with mats in their hands.
Mom’s smile lines never ceased to make me happy and sad at the same time. She smiled so often, they were permanently marked there. But at the same time, I could tell she was aging. I never wanted my mom to get older. I needed her now, and I’d need her later. I’d always need her.
She hoisted her yoga mat up higher. “Hi, Cressy. Hi, El. Wanna join us for some afternoon yoga? Enlighten yourselves some?”
Dad was nodding in agreement. “Yeah, that’d be fun, wouldn’t it? We have some nice incense burning, and the birds are chirping. Perfect weather for it, too.”
“Not today, thank you.” Elio stepped forward, taking over the conversation. “We were actually planning to spend some time in my old room, if that’s okay. There are a lot of memories to sift through. And maybe even a painting.”
“A painting? Oh, El, honey. That sounds beautiful.” Mom put a hand over her heart, holding it there. “Well, your dad and I will be out front for the time being. I’ll call up when I have some food ready for you later. Just let us know if you guys need anything.”
Dad slipped his flip-flops on, shuffling around the front door. “Don’t let your brother and sister bother the two of you. You let me know if they try to.”
“Will do.”
After scarfing some leftover chicken down, we went back up the stairs to Elio’s room. I hadn’t been in it in over ayear. Our laughter clung to the walls, mixing with the incense Mom and Dad would burn every two days in here. They didn’t want the scent to fade just because Elio was gone.
The bed was just as comfy as it was all those years ago, despite its old age. Some things, just like memories, never fully decayed. It was a centerpiece of the life we used to live.
