Thankfully, he seemed a bit more at ease once the waitress left. There weren’t many people around us, which must’ve made it a bit better as well. “So, what painting are you working on now?”
“You remember that field we found and would sneak off to drink in?”
I couldn’t hold back my smile at the memory. Some of myfavorite ones—though mostly a drunken haze—were there in that field. “Yeah, I do. Is that what it is?”
He nodded, twirling the straw in his water. “Mhm. It was our best hiding spot until Moon found out about it.”
“I remember talking about it when we first started seeing each other again. We really were just a pair of delinquents, huh?”
“Menaces to society, really. We just stayed in our own lane.”
The waitress came back with our plates, setting them down in front of us. The amount of fettuccini on them was almost obscene; the plates themselves were big enough without a mound of noodles on top of them.
I could see it in Elio’s eyes. He was hesitant and worried about everything. A first date shouldn’t include fear.
Taking one of his hands in mine, I rubbed my thumb over the back of it. “We’ve got this, Sunshine. Don’t worry, okay? Let me make sure it’s not too hot, and then you can dig in. If you start to feel full, try to set it aside for a second. But if you can’t, I’ll be keeping watch.”
He sat back, letting me take one of the noodles onto my fork and eat it. “It’s warm, but it’s good to eat. Go ahead.”
The moment I said the words, he dived in. Always as if he were starving, he shoveled the food into his mouth, not leaving much time between each bite. It was something we’d work on in the future for sure, but for now, just getting him to recognize when he was full.
I ate alongside him in silence. When Elio was eating, his brain was so focused on the food that sometimes listening or contributing to conversation was hard. The food was fucking magnificent, though seeing Elio in front of me was the best part of it all.
Usually, hearing someone chew as loudly as he waswould be annoying. Without my earbuds, it was amplified, and I found myself not giving a fuck. I loved it, actually. Being able to focus on something otherwise mundane, something I’d previously taken for granted without ever realizing it.
After eating a good bit, Elio began to slow down. I was about to put my knife and fork down and ask him to give his stomach time to settle, but he beat me to it.
He stopped, swallowed the bite he was chewing, and looked at me. “I think I’m getting close to full. I’m not sure. It looks like I’ve eaten a lot.”
“Liar.”
The voice startled me at first with how clear it was. Right into my left ear. I internally shook it off, focusing on my Sunshine in front of me. This was a good thing. A momentous occasion, even.
“You’re a liar.”
What could I possibly be lying about right now? Why would they come back right at this moment? While Elio was looking at me, expecting a response I’d yet to give him.
I smiled, genuinely proud, and tried to ignore what was happening around me and only me. No one else. Because they weren’t real. “I’m so fucking happy you’re recognizing that, baby.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course. Let’s take a minute to see how things go. I was thinking, when we get home, we could watchOne Piece?”
There was sauce all over his face. I didn’t have the heart to point it out, so I just handed him a napkin and let him figure it out. “I think that sounds amazing.”
“You don’t deserve him.”
“He deserves better.”
“Liar.”
“Liar.”
“Why are you even here?”
I struggled to ignore it all. Shadows had started to creep in around the corners of my vision, some of them going as far as to zoom across the room.
It all started to settle in. The almost unbearable weight of sadness I hadn’t experienced this morning. The sticky, dark tendrils of a past I thought I was done living took hold of my ankle. They were pulling me under the table, desperate to drown me in all of it. If only I could have one fucking day, one fucking good memory, one fucking life without them around me.
