I jerked my head to the side, looking at him. “Of course I do. What kind of question is that?”
He reached for one of my hands, holding it in his. “A valid one. If you don’t feel safe, then I need to do something different. But if you do, then I can remind you that, with that safety, you can tell me anything. Anything at all. And you’ll be okay. You know why?”
Goosebumps ran along my arms, the hairs therestanding on end as the breath from my demons ran down my back. Down my shoulders. Across my skin, over every inch of me. “Because you’ll never let me go?”
“Yeah. I’ll never let you go. No matter what, I’ve got you, and we’ll figure it out.” He squeezed my hand reassuringly, looking me straight in the eyes.
The deep, golden honey brown I’d come to know as a sign of security warmed me from the inside out. He could handle a dip in the ocean, right? “If I didn’t have shit done, I couldn’t eat. If I was still working on something, like folding laundry, I had to finish it before I ate. I could pause if I was cooking him dinner, but I’d have to wait at the table with him. Watch him take his first bite. Insult my cooking. I had to do all of that first, finish my task, and then I could have my food. Usually on a small plate, with a small portion. Sometimes, I wouldn’t have one at all. I was supposed to have everything done by the time he got home anyway.”
A disturbance muddied the honey in his eyes. His lips turned up, forming a scowl. “If I knew I wouldn’t go to jail and leave you here all alone, I’d kill that fucking bastard. Do you know that? Fucking murder him.”
“I knew the rules, Cres. I still disobeyed them.” The dam had cracked. Cold, deadly water had started to leak through, washing the world in front of me away. There wasn’t anything for me to hold onto. I was flailing, helpless to eventually being dragged away.
“They weren’t fucking rules. It was control. Control in the cruelest, most fucked-up way possible. Humiliation in its most disgusting form.”
I sank into the couch, looking at the laundry instead of him. Control, sure. Humiliation? Is that what the deep shame and guilt were that I felt every time Jude came home and I wasn’t done?
Crescent took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Okay. How about we both tackle the laundry, and then we can eat together? It’ll feel uncomfortable, but then you can see that nothing bad will happen. Do you think that’ll help?”
Together? He wanted to deal with my shit together? I tried to focus on his hand—the gentle, perfect skin of his palm. “You’d do that?”
“Of course I would. I’d do anything for you. You know that, right?”
I nodded because, yeah, I think I really did.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Holy fuck.Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck.A constant phrase in my mind that had played again and again. Elio was snoring on my chest, his entire body damn near wrapped around me.
Elio.
Elio fucking Hampton. The same man I’d kissed a hundred times by now and come in my pants with. My best friend, now something so much more in a way I’d never imagined.
Did he know I’d never touched anyone before? That our first kiss wasmyfirst kiss? When he got on top of me and made me come, that’d been the first time I’d ever done anything with anyone. Could he tell?
Holy fuck.
Sometimes, when we were apart or he was sleeping like this, I thought about it. Hard. I thought about it so hard that Istarted to freak out, like I was doing right this second. I should take him on a date, right? Would he like that? Or would it be too much, too soon? Where would we even go?
My brain was going a thousand miles a minute. There was so much going on that it’d clouded the deep, indescribable sadness weighing just below the surface. I knew it wouldn’t last too long, but I’d take it where I could get it. My ears were hurting because of the earbuds I kept stuffed in them, but nothing was playing for the moment. There weren’t any disembodied voices whispering to me, either.
I reached up, slowly pulling one of them out. My Sunshine’s snores were even louder without them, and that much more endearing. Special. I felt honored to be so safe for him that he was able to sleep so soundly on top of me. He hadn’t stirred at all since I’d woken up.
I listened to the sound of him breathing for a little bit, simply looking down at his face in awe. He looked so peaceful like this. There were no worries to deepen his frown, no tears shining in his eyes, no quiver of his lips when he thought I couldn’t tell he was having a hard time.
Elio was content and relaxed. I loved seeing him like this. I loved being the one to hold him like this.
I think I loved him.
Which was an honestly terrifying thought. I’d loved him as his best friend almost our entire lives, but this was different. This was too soon, right? Far too soon. Definitely too soon for me to say anything.
My alarm started to blare, startling me, which in turn startled Elio. I reached beside me, grabbing my phone from the nightstand to make it shut up.
Elio’s eyes opened one at a time. They took a moment to focus as he inhaled through his nose, which turned into a yawn. His hair was everywhere, all disheveled despite having slept on my chest for most of the night. When hefinally looked at me and seemed to realize it was me, he smiled. A big, bright, sleepy smile. “Morning.”
His smile was infectious. Hearing his voice without my earbuds was heartbreaking. Realizing just how much I’ve missed because of a stupid fucking condition that’d ruined my life was agonizing. But his smile, so sweet, so warm, so Elio, was infectious. So I smiled in return, trying to whisper the same words back to him.
My mind was full of far too much, with barely any time to say the words plaguing it. “Wanna go on a date?”
