“I got you. I’m here.” His words were breathless, rising in pitch at the end.
His hands moved from my upper thighs, traveling to my sides. He held me, keeping me in place, though not tight enough to stop my movements. I could feel his fingers digging into me, but they didn’t hurt.
I threw my head back, squeezing my eyes shut as bursts of life, hope, and pure fucking joy shot through my entire body. My thigh muscles tensed, making it harder to thrust into Crescent, forcing me to move my entire body instead of just my hips. I felt him tremble underneath me, our moans harmonizing, singing along to the symphony we’d been following.
As cum soaked through my pajamas, I lay there, motionlessexcept for the heavy rise and fall of my shoulders. Crescent wrapped his arms around my back, keeping me against him.
And everything—despite all the bad—felt like it’d be okay. As long as I had him, it’d all be okay. The hope I needed, the hope I never should’ve lost, was holding me tight and would never let me go.
I folded my shirt,putting it aside with the clean pile of laundry. The basket seemed to be endless, a mixture of Crescent’s and my clothes waiting to be sorted. I’d needed a task of some sort. Something like cleaning, or adjacent to it, or I might’ve lost it. So, laundry while sitting on the couch it was. “Did you know?”
Crescent was in the kitchen, cooking us dinner. I heard the scrape of the spatula against the pan stop. He paused before calling back to me, “Know what?”
“That you liked me more than a friend? When we were in high school.”
It sounded like he’d pulled some plates out of the cabinet, setting them on the counter. They’d be the same size, no doubt. We’d have the same portions. And when I finished the first plate, we’d wait twenty minutes to see if I actually wanted seconds, or if I was full, and my brain just wanted more. It still freaked me out sometimes. “I wouldn’t say I consciously knew that I had a crush on you or anything. I knew you were more to me, but I didn’t really know what that meant.”
I’d always hated folding pants. For some reason, they never looked right to me. Where did the legs go? And whywere they never even? They had to be even for Jude, or he’d always pitch such a fit about it. I thought, after so many years of being yelled at about it, I’d figure it out.
As I held the sloppily folded jeans in front of me, I realized it just wasn’t going to happen. They’d always be weird and uneven when I did them. “Oh.” I set the jeans on Crescent’s pants pile. “Well, did you mean what you said that one time? I remember you said you wouldn’t get a girlfriend as long as you were my best friend.”
“Definitely. I mean, I had appreciated your looks, and I knew deep down that I didn’t want to date anyone. I just didn’t put two and two together for a long time. A very long time. You were just a part of my heart, Sunshine. I guess I didn’t need to think about it any deeper than that.”
I thought back to that day, when Crescent had shown me the daisy-picking game. The day I’d decided to ask Jude out and sentenced myself to years of nothing but hell. “You were a part of mine, too. In a different way, but a part of my heart either way. I’m glad I can have you in this way, too.”
He peeked out of the kitchen, a smile on his face. “God, I’m glad too. Come on, let’s eat dinner.”
I looked down at the basket and piles of clean clothes in front of me. “I still have some of this to do, though.”
“It can wait until after we eat. No big deal.”
A dark, domineering presence sat at the back of my neck, breathing down it. “It shouldn’t take me too long to do. You can start eating without me.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “The laundry can wait, Sunshine. You don’t have to finish it right this second. I can even help you after we eat.”
“No!” Realizing just how loudly I’d yelled, I cleared my throat and tried again. “No, don’t worry about helping me. I’ll just finish, and then we can eat.”
“Elio.”
“Crescent.”
His head tilted to the side, one of his eyebrows raised in question. “Can you tell me what’s really happening here?”
I didn’t want to, really. I was afraid it’d sound stupid when I said it out loud. So, I shrugged instead of voicing my fears. If I voiced them, they were real. The panic could gain entry and settle in my bones, finding a home right where they sat. I didn’t want to have the panic. If I avoided it, I couldn’t feel it, right?
Crescent walked toward me, sitting down on the cushion next to me. “Is it the laundry or the food part that’s bothering you?”
“Laundry.”
“Is it the laundry, or is it stopping the laundry that’s bothering you?”
“Stopping.”
I refused to look at him, even as he turned sideways to look at me better. If I ignored it all, the static of fear would turn off in my gut, wouldn’t it? “Is this related to a house rule?”
That was it. All it would take was one word. A simple yes out of my mouth, and the dam would open. The floodgates would release. I didn’t want to drown Crescent in my ocean of problems. They weren’t his to bear, but mine to wade through.
“Baby, do you feel safe here?”
