A big, stupid blush started at the edge of my cheeks, only spreading further. “It’s complicated?” It was hard not to add the question at the end there. “We were best friends from elementary to high school. Even lived together for a long time. When I started dating Jude, I eventually stopped being friends with him, and we only recently connected again. But…”
“But?”
Was she going to think it was too soon? Or judge me? I rolled my shoulders, curling into the uncomfortable feelings between them. “We’re a little more than that now? Like, I don’t know. I really like him. But differently. Which is crazy, but it just feels right. And we’ve kissed. A lot. Maybe it’s too soon. I don’t know.”
“Do you feel like it’s too soon?”
“Not really. But shouldn’t it be? It feels so right, though.”
“Then I don’t see a problem with that. If everything is healthy and doesn’t feel too fast for either of you, I don’t see why you couldn’t explore a different kind of relationship. You guys seem to have already been really close in the past. But, I’ll keep an ear out for any signs that may be different as we keep up with our sessions, and if I think it’s impacting either of you, I’ll bring it up to discuss. Deal?”
Her couch really was fucking comfortable. The entire room was. Even just her demeanor. I think I liked her. “Deal.”
When she grinned, it was like light shone through her teeth, which I didn’t think was possible. “I know coming here today must’ve been really nerve-wracking. I wanted to take a minute to acknowledge that.”
Her praise made me a little uncomfortable, though I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. “Yeah, um, thanks. I was honestly in the parking lot, terrified Jude would, like, see me or something and start an issue.”
“Do you think he would search for you to do that?”
I looked down, staring at my hands in my lap. “I don’t know, honestly. I really don’t. He hasn’t made any attempts that I know of, but I’m still scared.”
“It makes sense to fear that. Is there any legal protection in place for you?”
“No. And I don’t plan to change that.”
“Okay. I can respect that.”
“I just don’t want to go through all of that. The system failed me with my parents; I can’t imagine how they’d treat something like this.”
More typing. Just a few sentences from what it sounded like. “How did the system fail you with your parents, if you don’t mind answering? Any questions I ask, you’re allowed to decline.”
Remembering my mom and dad wasn’t exactly something I enjoyed doing. I’d all but forgotten them at this point. Why would I let them take up space in my brain when they didn’t want me to take up space in their lives?
I thought over my life before moving in with the Millers. A deep, dark cave of nothing but betrayal from the two people who were supposed to love and care for me the most. “They shouldn’t have had me, honestly. I’m glad I’man only child. They were abusive, neglectful, mean—just awful. The school noticed at one point, and I know they made reports, but nothing ever came from them. I was just stuck.”
“Did anyone ever come to your house or talk to you directly about those reports?”
Thinking back, there were a few very nice ladies who’d come to talk to me during school and even at home a couple of times. “Yeah, but like I said, it didn’t go anywhere. I mean, you could take one look at me and realize something was off.”
“So, no one was ever truly there for you except for Crescent and his family.”
“Right.”
Christina typed up a few sentences on her computer, her face entirely impassive until she looked up at me. When she did, her eyes told me everything I needed to know. The way her eyebrows came together and her eyes sunk in on themselves reminded me of Crescent’s mom and how she looked at me the day they told me I’d be moving in with them. “That really fucking sucks, Elio. I won’t sugarcoat that with you. I can see just how much that’s affected you, and I can only imagine how all of this still affects you in your adult life. As well as your daily life.”
Huh. When she put it so bluntly, yeah. It really fucking sucked.
Crescent was far moreconcerned than I was after my appointment ended. He kept asking me questions, trying to make sure I was feeling okay and stuff like that. I kepttelling him I was fine, and he kept double and triple-checking to make sure I was being honest.
Like when Sarah asked if she could come over to hang out and check on me. Crescent seemed far more convinced that I’d be too drained to handle something like that. I talked his ear off until he believed me, though, and now Sarah was with us in the living room, eating some chocolate chip cookies Crescent had made at two in the morning.
She bit into one, talking around her mouthful. “Why have I never gone to Love ’n Sugar before? These are fucking amazing.”
Crescent laughed from beside me, shaking his head. “I don’t know. I always work mornings until two in the afternoon, so just stop by during then and you’ll definitely have something I’ve made.”
“You’ll have to text your schedule to me. Or maybe not, because then you’ll be seeing me almost every morning.” The last bit of the cookie disappeared, and she dusted her palms of any crumbs before shifting in the chair. “So, what did you guys get up to today?”
I swung my legs over Crescent’s lap, sinking into a reclining position. “I had my very first therapy appointment today.”
