“I know Willow and I got off on a rough start.”
“You got that right.” He laughed.
I leaned closer to him, bumping our shoulders together as I continued. “But I can see how much she loves you. She takes care of you.”
Looking back at the rushing water in front of us, Crew shifted so he was leaning back slightly. “You’re right, she does. She meddles a lot,though. Sticks her nose in places she shouldn’t. Especially when it comes to you.” He glanced at me, though it was only for a second before he turned back to the water. “How did you get into the house?”
I put my hands behind my back, leaning my weight against them. This way, I could look up at the clouds above us as they turned gray and covered the sun. I wondered if Mother Nature purposefully let the sunlight out for a little bit, knowing Crew needed it, before she let the clouds take over again.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure how Crew would react to what I had to say. I’d do it all over again if I had to, but I knew the oddest show of affection or care could scare him.
Humming to stall even a moment more of time, I let my head fall back and closed my eyes. “You weren’t acting like you usually do. It’s your eyes, Pretty Boy. They give you away.”
I couldn’t see him, but I could hear a shuffle from his side. His shoulder brushed mine as he turned, pushing me slightly off-balance.
“What the fuck does that even mean?”
Dropping my head back in front of me, I opened my eyes. Crew was looking right at me, facing sideways. When I looked into his gaze, I could see it.
His body language was an act. The scowl lines, the downturned eyebrows, the menacing clench of his fists. I could see through it all because the mounds of ice he held in his eyes were dripping and waning under fear. Just beyond the horizon, a large cage sat, abandoned by everything around it.
Inside that cage was the real Crew. I’d seen glimpses of him more and more through our time together. I hadn’t broken the lock completely, but the bars were eroding. Getting weaker.
Reaching slowly so I didn’t scare him, I cupped the side of Crew’s face. He startled a bit, which broke my heart. “When you’re sad, or when you’re anxious, the small lines here”—I traced the indentations with my thumb—“get narrower. When you’re panicking, or angry, your eyebrows turn ever so slightly, and a storm brews in your eyes.” I caressed his eyebrow, smoothing my thumb over the scar there. “I can see the real you in your eyes, Crew. They’re a portal to your soul. And you keep the real you under lock and key, don’t you?”
“I-I don’t understand.” Crew shook his head, my hand moving withhim. “That doesn’t make sense. You—okay, so you pay that much attention?”
“Absolutely, I do.” I pulled my hand away, forcing my attention to the water once more. “I care about you. What I see the least is when you’re happy. When you’re happy, all the clouds in your eyes disappear and they sparkle.” I couldn’t hold back my smile as I thought back to earlier when he realized where we were. “Fuckingsparkle,Crew. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world. But I knew something was going on, and when you blew me off, that made it even more obvious.”
“I’m allowed to not want to hang out with you, Price.”
I nodded. “Of course you are. I’m not saying you’re not. I’m saying you were getting quieter as the days went on, antsier and more anxious. You went to the back of the restaurant more often. I could see a massive fucking hurricane brewing in your eyes and then you canceled our usual meet-up. There were massive red flags that I couldn’t ignore.”
Crew was silent. I gave him time to process what I was saying, to understand that I wasn’t trying to take away his free will, but that I was trying to protect it.
He had looked sosad.I knew in my gut that something was wrong. Something was haunting him more than usual. I was scared he’d do something detrimental, like hurt himself.
And I’d been right in the worst kind of way.
I scrubbed a hand over my face, deciding to let it all out at once after a few moments of silence. “I texted Willow asking if she was at home. When she said no, which meant you’d lied to me, I got a bad feeling. The kind that gnaws at you and begs you to do something. So, I told her I needed to see you. That I needed to check on you. She didn’t ask any questions, just told me where to find the spare key and asked me to keep you safe.”
Bracing for anger, or some sort of sassy comeback, I waited. The breeze picked up, and the clouds had gone gray, adding more of a chill than before. It nipped at my skin, but I didn’t move.
Until Crew lay on his side, placing his head straight into my lap. He faced away from me, giving me a view of his grown-out hair. There were at least four inches of brown amongst the bleach blond, clashing together. I wondered if he was going to dye it blond again. It remindedme of the time he’d mentioned “needing” to be blond, though he never explained that part to me.
I was still mildly in shock at how Crew cuddled up into my lap. Speechless, even. I’d expected him to get angry that I texted Willow like I did.
“Did you tell her I was okay?”
“Yes.”
“Did you tell her what I did?”
“No. You didn’t need emergency medical assistance, so I didn’t want to betray your trust. I know all too well what it’s like, Pretty Boy. But if you’d hurt yourself to the point I couldn’t help you, you bet your ass I would’ve told her.”
He nodded, his head rubbing against my thigh. “Makes sense. She extended her stay at her friend’s house. Must’ve thought we needed more time.” He moved onto his back, looking up at me. “She knows I do it. Or did it. I hide it from her now because she just tries to take it away from me, which only makes me do stupider shit.”
I understood that. “Like that pill in your box?”
