Levi’s brows went up, heart stuttering in his chest. “You said your mother committed suicide.”
“That’s what they told me. That’s whatMalachitold me. But I think he lied. To protect me.”
“How old were you?”
Shiloh ran his tongue along his lower lip. “Six.”
Levi shook his head. That didn’t make any sense. “You really think you had the strength at six to push an adult woman off a roof?”
“People do all kinds of things when they’re scared. She was trying to take Mal and I with her. She thought she was protecting us. Sometimes, I wish she’d succeeded. I wish Mal hadn’t stopped her?—”
“Don’t say that,” Levi snapped, the idea of Shiloh not existing in his world too painful to consider.
“It’s the truth. It’s the only thing I know for a fact is true. Everything else is all…muddled together. Sometimes…”
“Sometimes…” Levi pressed.
“Sometimes—not often,” he added hastily. “But sometimes, I just…lose time.”
“Lose time?”
Shiloh nodded. “I have these…holes in my memory. These big, blank spaces. What if I hurt other people in those times? What if I’m just as bad as Micah? What if I’ve killed innocent people?”
“Do you remember hurting anyone—besides the memory of your mother and maybe that douchebag who raped you?”
Shiloh hesitated, then shook his head. “No.”
Something loosened in Levi’s chest. “Listen, if you pushed your mom off that roof, you did it to save your brother and yourself. And if you somehow pushed that asshole off the balcony, he fucking deserved it. You’re not a bad person. We’re not bad people. Micah is bad. Naomi is bad. Crazy or not. Butyou’renot bad. You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever known.”
Shiloh shook his head like he was rejecting Levi’s words. “But what if I’m also a killer?”
Levi shrugged. “Then you’re in good company, because there’s not a single person in my life who hasn’t killed someone. Not one.”
“Except Ever,” Shiloh said.
“Ever has a body count, too, Dimples. We’ve all killed before. We all had our reasons. I’ll never believe you’re a bad person. Your heart is too big.”
Shiloh scoffed. “You don’t even know me.”
“Sure, I do,” Levi said, dropping back onto the mattress and making grabby hands at Shiloh until he laid down as well, letting Levi make him his little spoon. “You’re my soulmate. I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.”
Shiloh sucked in a breath that broke in the middle. “You can’t say things like that.”
Levi buried his nose in Shiloh’s hair, inhaling the scent of his shampoo. It smelled like lavender. “Why not?”
“Because I’ll start believing it.”
Levi pressed his palm flat over Shiloh’s heart. “I need you to believe it. I need you to believe it with everything you have. Sometime soon, I’m going to kill your brother and I need you to be okay with that. I need you to keep looking at me the way you do right now.”
“I wish we could just do it now,” Shiloh said. “I wish Malachi was safe and Micah was dead. Maybe then we’d have some shot at a normal life.”
“Just hang in there. Once we get Malachi out of jail, your brother’s dead. It’s just a waiting game.”
“If he suspects something, I’m fucked,” Shiloh whispered.
Levi tightened his hold. “I’m never gonna let him hurt you ever again.”
Shiloh craned his head back to look at Levi, his expression pained. “You can’t promise that. If it comes down to me or you, promise me you’ll choose to save yourself.”
