Levi choked on a sudden sob, all those emotions swirling within him escaping in the most humiliating way possible. His face crumpled, his tears coming too fast to wipe them away. There was no way to even hide the shuddering sobs wracking his body. Why was he wasting his tears on someone who had never once even considered his needs? How many times had he gone hungry? How many times had their electricity been turned off? Their water? How many men had hurt him so she could get a fix? “Fuck her,” he managed. “Seriously, I don’t know why I’m crying. She doesn’t deserve my tears.”
Shiloh pulled himself into a sitting position, then manhandled Levi until he was lying between Shiloh’s legs, Levi’s upper body against his chest, his face buried against his naked torso as he tried to stop the torrent. What was wrong with him? This might be the single most embarrassing moment of his life. Not because he was crying, but because he was crying over someone who didn’t deserve his tears.
Shiloh didn’t say anything, just let him cry, running his fingers through Levi’s sleep-tangled hair, working out the knots roughly, distracting him from the pain in his chest. He shushed him, rocking him as best he could, like he was soothing a child. Levi let Shiloh comfort him. He’d never let anyone see him cry. Ever. Not Nico. Not Jericho. And he would never let another soul see him waste his tears on Naomi.
Except Shiloh.
But maybe he was right. Maybe he wasn’t crying over this Naomi, but the imaginary one he’d longed for his whole life.
He didn’t know how much time passed before his tears ran dry, sitting up enough to look at Shiloh, contrite. “Sorry.”
Shiloh blinked at him in confusion. “Why are you sorry?”
Levi looked pointedly at Shiloh’s bare stomach. “For getting tears and snot all over you?”
Shiloh’s lips twitched in a soft smile. “I mean, we’ve swapped spit, sweat, you came inside me. I think I can handle snot. Besides, selfishly, it’s really nice to not be the one falling apart right now. I’m always the fragile one. The one who needs protecting. How many times have I cried on you since we met? Malachi has wasted most of his life shielding me from everything.” His expression grew dark in the barely-there light in the room. “Even myself.”
Levi frowned. “What does that mean?”
Shiloh swallowed audibly, looking anywhere but Levi’s face. “I need to tell you something, but I’m afraid you’ll hate me. Especially after what they just said about your mom.”
Levi was shaking his head before he could finish speaking. “Never. You’re nothing like her.”
“Don’t say that. You don’t know what I’ve done.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “I don’t even know what I’ve done. Not really.”
Levi turned Shiloh so he faced him, taking both his hands in his. There was something to be said for doing this when they were both naked, both equally vulnerable. “Explain.”
Shiloh looked like a rabbit caught in a hunter’s scope, all nervous energy, like he sensed danger. “You know how earlier, during my phone call with Micah, he said I was crazy?” Levi nodded. “What if I told you he’s right?”
Levi snorted. “I’d say it’s unlikely.”
Shiloh made a sound in the back of throat, high and reedy, like he couldn’t help himself, his voice barely audible as hewhispered, “ I think I’m the one who pushed Mal’s friend off that balcony.”
Levi’s eyes went wide. “Why do you think that?”
Shiloh shook his head. “I-I have these dreams sometimes. Except…not. More like flashes, pieces of memories that are trying to put themselves back together.”
Levi shook his head. “Those are just dreams, baby. Dreams are weird.”
Shiloh licked his lower lip. “I can feel my hands on them…can feel the force of the effort it took to shove them over the edge. Can see them falling…landing.”
He shuddered as if reliving it in his head. Levi couldn’t imagine Shiloh killing anyone in cold blood, but it was clear Shiloh believed it. That was all that mattered.
“When you say ‘them,’ do you mean that guy who raped you?” Levi asked, maybe a little more bluntly than necessary.
“I consented,” Shiloh muttered.
“Fourteen-year-olds can’t consent to sex with adults, baby.”
“But did he deserve to die for his crimes?” Shiloh asked.
“Not to be an asshole, but there’s a saying Jericho tells us all the time. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Sometimes, the consequences of a person’s actions come back on them tenfold. But he started it. I would never hold you accountable for getting even with someone who assaulted you.”
“What if it wasn’t just him?” Shiloh asked, finally meeting Levi’s gaze.
Levi stared at him in concern. “Who else?”
“My mother…” he managed, choking on the words.
