“We’re gonna go sleep at my mom’s place. It’s not like she’s using it.”
That was good enough for him. He bounded down the stairs, stopping short when he saw Shiloh drinking a blue sports drink. “Shiloh?”
Shiloh’s head jerked in his direction, face crumpling. He abandoned his drink to clumsily crawl over the blanket, getting to his feet, then nearly tripping as he fell into Levi’s arms. “I’m so sorry,” he sobbed.
“Shh,” Levi said. “You have nothing to apologize for. Let’s go home.”
Levi stared up at the ceiling, only just able to make out the design on the panels above. The only light was from the almost full moon cutting a swath across the stark white comforter. Shiloh was tucked beneath his arm, head on Levi’s chest, right over his heart where he liked it. Neither could sleep.
They’d showered together as soon as they’d arrived, Levi scrubbing quickly while the hot water loosened the mess on Shiloh, then spending the next hour making sure nothing ofMicah remained on him. They still hadn’t discussed it, but it was hanging over them like a swinging sword.
Levi was playing with Shiloh’s damp curls when he asked, “Are you going to leave me?” in a barely-there whisper.
Shiloh’s soft question cleaved Levi’s heart in half. “What? Why would you even say that?”
Shiloh shrugged, the finger absently tracing patterns on Levi’s stomach never slowing. “I know what I did. I kn-know how badly I-I know what I did,” he said again, this time more definitively, like Levi was judge, jury, and executioner and Shiloh wanted him to know he would accept whatever punishment he handed down.
“He had it coming,” Levi said. “We were going to kill him tonight, anyway. Wedidkill him tonight. Not you, us.”
Shiloh swallowed audibly. “I would have killed him, though. If Mal hadn’t done what he did. I would have kept tearing at him until there was nothing left. I can’t believe Nico had to call Thomas in to clean up my mess. So embarrassing.”
“It’s not embarrassing. They’re family. Nobody understands what you did more than they do. Hell, you impressed the twins. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone do that. Ever.”
Shiloh huffed like he was trying to laugh but couldn’t. “So, you don’t think I’m some kind of monster.”
“If you’re a monster, then there are no humans. Because you’re the sweetest, softest boy I know. And I think you’re amazing. Considering the abuse you endured, I’m honestly shocked you didn’t snap sooner. Especially without your meds.”
“Mal told you?” Shiloh asked.
Levi pressed his lips to Shiloh’s curls. “Yeah, withdrawal can cause all kinds of symptoms according to Lucas and Atticus. It could have contributed to your outburst. They want you to talk to a doctor friend. Ever’s therapist. He…knows us. Knows what we do.”
“Do I have to?” Shiloh asked, burying his face against Levi’s chest. “I don’t want to listen to some guy ask me ‘and how does that make you feel’ over and over again.”
Levi squeezed him tight. “Baby, you have trauma. You have been the victim of your brother’s abuse since you were little. You need to work through that and find ways to cope so you don’t have any more blackouts.”
“If therapy is so great, why aren’t you seeing a therapist? You have trauma, too,” Shiloh countered.
Levi froze, wracking his brain to come up with a suitable answer. “I don’t have trauma. My mom drinks a lot. Boo-hoo. People have it way worse,” Levi said, a strange tightness building in his chest. “Like you. And Ever.”
Shiloh lifted his head to look at Levi’s face, touching his hair gently. “Your mom hurt you. She abused you. She gave you to people who also hurt you. That changes a person.”
Levi heard Shiloh’s words, but he couldn’t stop staring at him. He was so beautiful. “You’re so beautiful.”
Levi watched Shiloh grow flustered even in the dim light. “Don’t try to fluster me. If you want me to go to therapy, you need to go, too. You do want me to go to therapy, right?” He held up his pinky, brow raised in challenge. “Deal?”
Levi heaved a sigh.”Fine, but he’s going to tell me there’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Then you have nothing to worry about,” Shiloh said breezily, like he knew how wrong Levi was. Shiloh rolled onto his back. “Can you just, like, lie on top of me?”
“What?” Levi asked around a chuckle.
“Zane and Noah said that pressure releases oxytocin and activates the…parasympathetic nervous system.”
“And that’s a good thing?” Levi asked, rolling to his side to stare down at Shiloh.
Shiloh nodded quickly. “It helps with panic attacks.”
“Are you feeling panicky?” Levi asked, brows knitting together.
