“Earlier?” Ever echoed.
Arsen nodded even though Ever wasn’t looking at him. “The kiss…”
Ever lifted his head, folding his palms under his chin as he looked up at Arsen.
“You are? Why?”
That brought Arsen up short. What did he mean, why?Because I don’t want to be another person who victimizes you and takes away your choices.“Because…I should have asked for permission.”
“Oh. Is that a thing?” Ever asked.
Arsen blinked at Ever. “It’s supposed to be, yeah.”
“Oh,” Ever said again, thoughtfully. “They never ask in my books. It’s always guys taking what they want. They never say they’re sorry.”
That was disconcerting. “There’s a difference between fiction and reality,besenok. Your body is your own.”
Silence stretched between them like a line pulled tighter and tighter, the tension only snapping when Ever whispered, “You can have it.”
Arsen’s breath punched from his lungs in a gasp as he willed himself to calm down.
Ever didn’t just say that. He couldn’t have. There was no way he’d just casually offered up his body to Arsen.“What?”
Ever tipped his head, doe eyes looking at him curiously. “My permission. To kiss me. Whenever you want. You have it.”
There was no universe in which Arsen would ever be worthy of someone like Ever. He was truly the sweetest boy in the world. “I—”
Ever shook his head, eyes closing, his voice filled with disappointment. “I’m probably not that good at it. But I could learn.”
Chert. There was nothing Arsen wanted more than to teach Ever anything he wanted to learn about kissing or sex or anything else. But this wasn’t the time or place. Cree was right. They were all perverts.
Maybe Arsen was misunderstanding. “What do you mean?”
Ever dropped his cheek to the hands resting on Arsen’s chest, hiding his face. “That was my first.”
“First?” Arsen echoed.
“First kiss.”
“Ever?” Arsen blurted.
Ever’s head popped up, looking at him in confusion, like he wasn’t sure if he was calling his name or asking for clarification. “Yes?”
Arsen wanted to kick himself. Of course, it had been Ever’s first kiss. Who would Ever have been kissing? Nobody good. Nobody who would be gentle or take care of him or make sure he was safe. That flicker of rage sparked in Arsen’s chest. He hoped that woman was burning in hell.
“I didn’t know,” he said for lack of anything else to say.
“Was I supposed to tell you?” Ever asked. “I didn’t know you were going to kiss me. Or I was going to kiss you. I’m not sure who kissed who,” he admitted, seemingly distracted by his own train of thought. “But…I’ve done other things. Not things I wanted to do. At least, not with the people who did them.”
Arsen found himself squeezing Ever tighter. “None of that counts,” he promised.
Ever frowned at him. “It doesn’t?”
Was it dismissive to say his experiences didn’t count, like they didn’t matter? That wasn’t really what he was saying. But how did he say the things other people had done to him were valid but weren’t the same thing as sex between two willing people?
Arsen tried to remember how Jericho had explained it to them all those years ago, when they’d gotten the first of many sex talks.
“Sex without consent isn’t sex, it’s assault. Jericho’s been drilling that into our heads since we were old enough to even truly care about sex.” Arsen listed off Jericho’s rules on his fingers. “Always wear a condom. Always get tested. Always get consent.”
