“Shh, don’t cry,” Arsen soothed, his thumbs swiping at Ever’s cheeks. “You don’t belong to anybody. You’re never going to belong to anybody again. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You decide what you want to do. Do you understand?”
Ever shook his head. He didn’t understand. How was he supposed to survive on his own? He could read, he could sort of write. But he had never gone to school, never learned things like math or science. He didn’t have a real name or a place to live. How was he supposed to survive alone?
“You don’t want me?” Ever said, hating the way his voice cracked.
To his horror, Arsen’s eyes filled with tears. “What? No. I—” He shook his head. “It has nothing to do with that. You can stay here…with me. I am not making you leave. But you don’t have to do anything to stay. You don’t have to cook or clean or be my…servant. You can just…be.”
“Be what?” Ever wailed.
“Be yourself. Whatever you want to do, you can do it.”
Ever shook his head. His chest felt like it was being crushed. How was he supposed to do that? “I don’t know what you want from me,” he finally said.
Arsen tilted Ever’s head up to meet his gaze. “Nothing. Nothing you don’t want to give me of your own free will. You don’t have to do what you’re told anymore. You can just do what you want. Do the things you like.”
“I don’t know what I want or what I like. I just want to do what you want me to do,” Ever admitted, frantic.
“Shh,besenok.We’ll figure out what you like. Okay? We try everything and keep what works and get rid of the rest. Okay?”
Ever’s brows knitted together. Everything? How could they try everything? There was so much everything in the world. The world was just so big. Even this space felt too big. If he could have chosen to live just as he was, cradled between Arsen’s thighs, his big warm hands on his face, he would. It felt safe there.Hefelt safe there.
“I don’t want to leave,” Ever whimpered.
“Then stay,” Arsen said as if it was the simplest thing in the world. “Just stay here. With me. But only because you want to. Not because you think I want you to.”
Arsen released his face and Ever mourned the loss, turning to face forward again. Could he really do whatever he wanted? He decided to test his theory. He sagged back against Arsen, some of the tension leaving him when he didn’t protest. He reached for his hands, which were on his thighs, taking them and wrapping his arms around his waist, waiting to see if he would pull away. Praying he didn’t.
Instead, Arsen tightened his grip just the tiniest bit, hugging Ever from behind like it was something he wanted, too, his uneven breaths puffing against Ever’s hair.
“Tighter,” Ever said.
Arsen complied. “Like this?” he asked, voice raw.
Ever nodded. He didn’t know why the tight band around him was easing the tension inside but it was. It was soothing the panic trying to well back up inside him. They sat like that for a long while, not speaking. Not doing anything but breathing in each other’s space.
“I like your voice,” Arsen said, dipping his head to speak the words directly against Ever’s ear.
Ever turned his face into the sound without thought, shivering when Arsen’s lips brushed against his skin.
Ever settled his head against Arsen’s chest, his head tucking just under his chin. “I like your voice, too.”
Arsen held Ever on the couch for a long time. It should have been weird. Everything about their situation would be weird to an outsider. Sleeping wrapped around a stranger was weird. Not wanting that stranger out of your sight was weird. Worrying about a stranger’s every discomfort was weird.
But holding Ever didn’t feel weird. It felt like not nearly enough. Arsen wanted to pull him into the bedroom and fold around him again. He wanted to feel his body molded to Ever’s, wanted to hear him snore softly like a kitten and feel his finger’s curl around Arsen’s.
But he couldn’t. For a million reasons. Not the least of which was having to get online soon. He had an audience waiting for him. Streaming his gameplay on Twitch didn’t make him millions, but it did supplement his income. He wasn’t a celebrity, but he’d amassed a loyal following—mostly of girls—who noticed when he didn’t sign on two nights in a row.
He got to his feet, taking Ever with him. “I have to go online in the computer room for a while. Do you want to lie in my bed and listen to your music or stay in there with me?” It was clear from their conversation a few moments ago that Ever didn’t know how to make choices for himself, but Arsen didn’t feel comfortable ordering him around. Offering choices seemed like the lesser of two evils.
Once more, Ever caught his lip between his teeth. It was clearly a nervous habit but his lips were already chapped and bruised. If he kept it up, they might bleed and Arsen didn’t want that. He’d been hurt enough.
He gently tugged the skin from beneath Ever’s bunny teeth. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”
If he was being honest, that wasn’t the only reason Arsen needed Ever to stop doing that. Whenever he chewed on that lower lip, it made Arsen want to do the same. He couldn’t help it. Ever was beautiful. Not handsome. Not attractive. Beautiful. Shockingly so now that he was clean and in the light.
His hair parted down the center in soft waves and fell into big brown eyes that changed color from coffee to brandy depending on the light. He had perfect bone structure and wide eyes with long dark lashes. Even his ears were pretty.
That wasn’t just Arsen’s opinion. Nobody would ever say different. When it came to genetics, Ever had been blessed, at least in appearance. Arsen wanted to know where Ever’s parents were. How could they have let this happen to him? He shook the thought away. This wasn’t about that. It was about Arsen’s inability to control his growing obsession.
