Ever shook his head violently. There was no way he was using all of Arsen’s hot water. He could take cold showers. He was used to it. Just taking a shower at all was a luxury to him. Jennika had made him use the hose outside. He’d scrub in the sink if Arsen asked him to.
“No arguments,besenok. Just do it.”
Ever flushed so hot he thought he might start sweating. He followed Arsen to his bedroom, unsure what else to do, standing in the doorway as Arsen rifled through his drawers. This time, he gave him a pair of gym shorts and a pale yellow t-shirt from his own dresser.
When he turned his back, Ever brought the fabric to his nose, inhaling deeply. It still smelled like Arsen. Or maybe Arsen smelled like the clothes. Either way, Ever wanted to be wrapped in that smell again. He’d take a shower because Arsen asked, but he’d make it really quick so he didn’t use all the hot water.
Ever did his best to scrub himself quickly, washing his face and hair and body with as much efficiency as he could, keeping the temperature lukewarm at best.
Still, when he emerged—dressed but hair still dripping—Arsen was clean, hair also slightly damp, wearing a pair of black joggers and another oversized hoodie, this one a blinding neon green. How many sweatshirts did he own? Had he showered in the sink?
Ever must have looked confused because Arsen gave him a smile. “I just ran and showered next door. There are communal showers over there. I figured it would be easier. That way we both got hot water.”
Ever flushed. He’d made Arsen shower with other people just so he could get clean. Shame pooled in his stomach like acid. He was making a burden of himself.
“Your hair’s all wet,” Arsen said. “You’re going to catch a cold.”
Ever’s eyes went wide, his gaze darting to the bathroom then back to Arsen, his pulse starting to thud hard in his ears. Was he supposed to dry his hair before he left the bathroom?
Arsen took his hand and led him to the sofa, pushing on his shoulders until he sat. Before he could even guess what Arsen intended to do, he was sliding into the space behind Ever, his whole body surrounding him just like last night, his thighs warm as they pressed against Ever’s hips.
“Is this okay?” Arsen asked softly.
Ever chewed on his lower lip, goosebumps erupting along his skin. Was it? Being this close to Arsen felt…nice but it also made him feel shivery inside in a way he’d never really felt before. The more Arsen touched him, the more he wanted him to continue and he didn’t know what to do about that. Was that normal? Was anything about this normal?
Finally, he nodded. What else could he do?
Arsen took the small towel from Ever’s shoulders and began to rub it on his hair. Ever closed his eyes, enjoying the heat of his body and gentle friction of the towel against his scalp. He didn’t know how long he sat there, but, suddenly, Arsen’s gentle touch became slightly more aggressive until Ever realized he was no longer drying his hair but just messing with him.
Ever snatched the towel from his head without thought, turning to glare at Arsen before realizing what he did. Fear spiked through him, but Arsen just laughed, looking down at him, then picking at the pieces of his hair.
“You look like angry baby chicken.” Ever glowered at him, lips forming a pout. “Very cute baby chicken,” Arsen clarified.
Ever didn’t know why that distinction nullified him a bit, but it did. He faced forward once more, afraid to look at Arsen’s face for too long. He let him finger-comb his hair until it parted down the middle. When he dropped his hands, Ever stayed where he was, unsure if he was allowed to leave but also not really sure he wanted to.
When Arsen didn’t ask him to move or leave, he found himself relaxing against him just a bit. He gnawed at the inside of his cheek, waiting for…something. Instructions. An order. Some clue as to what he was supposed to do next.
“Are you okay?” Arsen asked after a few moments.
Ever jolted. Had he wanted him to move? He tried to get to his feet, but Arsen’s hands appeared at his hips, holding him in place.
“Don’t run away. I wasn’t trying to scare you off. But you can sit next to me if you’re uncomfortable. If I’m making you uncomfortable.”
Was he uncomfortable like this? No. He liked it there. But he wasn’t sure he was supposed to. He stayed as he was, stiff in Arsen’s arms, as he tried to figure out what Arsen was saying.
Did he want him to sit next to him or was that the compromise to him not staying in his lap? Did he want him to move? If so, why had he stopped him? Tears formed in his eyes, but he blinked them away. He was such a big baby. He just wanted to be normal. What did normal people do in this situation? Was this even a normal situation? Did people sit in other people’s laps? Adult people?
“You’re okay,” Arsen said again, his hand soothing over Ever’s hair. “You can do whatever you want,besenok. You know that, right? You don’t…belong to me. You don’t have to follow my orders.”
Ever whipped his head around, turning his body just enough to study Arsen’s face, trying to decipher his words. What did that mean? If he didn’t belong to Arsen, who did he belong to? Was there someone else? Was there someone else coming for him? The tears brimming just moments ago broke free, spilling hot down his cheeks as he shook his head. “No.” Arsen frowned, but Ever just shook his head harder. “No,” he said again with more force.
Once more, Arsen’s hands were on him, this time on his cheeks. They were big and rough and still smelled faintly of motor oil. Ever wanted to bury his nose in that scent, but he didn’t know why. He didn’t know anything. He was overwhelmed. He hated this. He hated this so much.
“No, what?” Arsen said, his face a mask of confusion. Don’t cry. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to belong to someone else,” Ever said, panic welling within him. “Can’t I just stay with you? I’ll do whatever you want. I can cook. I can clean. I can run errands. I always come back.” Ever’s mind raced. What else could he do? “ I-I can do…other things…” He trailed off, hoping Arsen understood what other things he was willing to do to not go anywhere else.
Arsen’s confusion turned to…something else. Disgust maybe. Did Ever disgust him? That somehow just made him cry harder.
