“Yeah, that’s what I’m going to call you,” he said as if it wasn’t negotiable.
Why rabbit?He was certain it wasn’t a compliment. His hand fluttered to his throat in an overly feminine gesture Lucifer hated. “I really wish you wouldn’t.”
“I mean if you feel that strongly about it...”
He pressed his mouth into a firm line. “I do, yes. Quite strongly. Thank you.”
Shepherd smiled with too many teeth. “Hey, you’re welcome. Anything for you… rabbit.”
Un-fucking-acceptable.
Elijah huffed before turning and stomping his way into the house like a petulant child. Once in his room, he unplugged his cell phone from the charger only to find three missed calls from Lucy and one text in his group chat from Wyatt that ominously read:
Wyatt:Did you see him yet?
The sting of betrayal was almost too much to bear.
Elijah: Tell me you two didn’t know about this?
He watched as two sets of dots danced. Charlie was the first to respond.
Charlie: Know about what?
Elijah flopped back on his mattress.
Elijah: My new bodyguard! The Last Highlander.
Wyatt took longer to respond.
Wyatt: Hey, Charlie is the one that recommended Linc to Lucifer, so this is her fault.
That traitor.
Elijah: Charlie!
Charlie: What? I was drunk.
Wyatt: You’re always drunk, you lush. But he’s insanely hot, no? Did you know he has an identical twin brother? An identical gay twin brother?
Elijah took a minute to ponder the notion that there were two of them, trying to lasso back thoughts of being spit-roasted between giant ginger twins.
Elijah: That is hardly the point.
Wyatt: This is exactly the point. Play your cards right and maybe you can get yourself a big, burly gingerbread man to put his icing all over your cake.
Elijah bit his lip, refusing to play this game with them. Charlie and Wyatt thought everybody should be getting laid all the time because they were both always getting laid. Wyatt had his hunky fiancé, Linc, and Charlie… she was more about the hook-updu jour. They were constantly trying to assure Elijah that there was no problem that dick couldn’t solve.
This was a disaster. He didn’t want somebody looming over his shoulder twenty-four hours a day. He needed at least one place where he could just be himself, one place where he didn’t have to hide who he really was. He had things… personal things he liked to do… things he needed to be alone to enjoy.
Charlie: Wyatt’s right. If Lucifer handed you some man candy, I say eat him.
Elijah: You’re forgetting the highlander likes tacos, not eggplant.
Charlie: But his brother likes eggplant!
She followed up her tweet with two eggplants and a peach emoji.
Elijah: Listen, nobody is putting their eggplant in my peach. Got it?
