“Noted.”
“I’m sure you know how to diffuse a heated situation.”
“Yes. I can definitely diffuse a situation,” he hedged.
He just didn’t always want to.
Soothing music drifted into Elijah’s ears courtesy of his waterproof Bluetooth earbuds. The sun beat down on him as he floated naked in his salt-water pool, doing his best to drown out the incessant sound of his manager screeching at him from beside a lounge chair. He refused to open his eyes. Whatever she wanted could wait. His therapy podcast said he deserved a day to himself.
Something light and smelling of vinyl bounced off his forehead. He popped open an eye to see a pastel-colored beach ball bobbing beside him. At the edge of the pool, Lucifer stood in a black fitted suit and a pair of five-inch Louboutins, brandishing the pool skimmer like it was a samurai sword. She’d pulled her inky black hairback in a severe ponytail, making her look as though she’d had one too many facelifts. Her lipstick was an angry red slash against her olive skin and even though he couldn’t hear what she said, her flushed cheeks and scrunched-up face let him know she was furious. Lucy was always furious, her volume setting broken on ten.
When she started to stab the aluminum rod into the water like she was spearfishing, he let his feet touch the bottom of the pool, yanking out his earbuds and tossing them at her feet. He tried to keep his voice calm, but it crept up an octave, anyway. “You know, I don’t ask for much, Lucifer, but tomorrow is script reading day and you know before script reading day I like to float around in the pool and listen to Yanni and get myself into the mental headspace necessary to embrace my character. This...” He waved wildly towards her. “Whatever this is you're doing… is not respecting my process. It’s the opposite of respecting my process. Honestly, you’re really just kind of bringing me down right now so can we just table whatever’s set you into a psychotic rage this time?”
“For the last time, don’t call me Lucifer,” Lucy growled. “I don’t give a fuck about your process. I need to talk to you. Now.”
Something twisted in his gut, but he forced himself to stay breezy. If he cracked, she won. “I say this with love, Lucy. You don’t look very good. I think the stress of this job might be too much for you. You aren’t getting any younger.”
She clenched her jaw which only bolstered his courage. Her lips twisted into a snarl. “Get out of the pool. Now, Eli.”
He made a gesture like he was parting the Red Sea. “Now doesn’t work for me… clearly, geez. Are you eating enough magnesium because I’ve heard a deficiency can make you constipated which can make people really cranky and you, Lucifer, seem really full of shit.”
A snicker came from somewhere near the topiaries flanking the sliding glass doors. Elijah felt the blood drain from his face. Why hadn’t Lucifer said they weren’t alone? There were rules. Her rules. He could be gay, but not too gay. Elijah Dunne was the alpha gay: masculine, sporty, everything the world needed him to be. Everything Lucy needed him to be. But it was too late to pull that mask back on now. It was Lucy’s fault for bringing a stranger into his inner sanctum.
He shielded his eyes, unsure of what was happening. “Who’s there?” he called, narrowing his eyes as a man emerged from the shadow of the awning and approached the side of the pool. Elijah did his best not to stare, but it was impossible. “Lucille, why is this ginger giant blocking my sun right now? And why is he dressed like there’s a lumberjack competition nearby? Did I miss a memo or an email?”
Lucy cocked her hip, flinging the skimmer at him like a javelin before crossing her arms over her chest. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, Eli. Meet Shepherd. Your new bodyguard. He will be your shadow.”
Elijah would have seethed at the smug look of victory on Lucifer’s face any other day, but he was too busy trying to force his brain to function. In hindsight, maybe he should have stopped at one gummy bear edible instead of three.
The man standing before him had to be six and a half feet tall at least. He had shoulder-length auburn hair, but he’d swept the top part off his overly symmetrical face in some bastardized version of a man bun that shouldn’t look hot but somehow worked on him. He had a beard too. Elijah hated beards. They were gross and most guys were using them to hide a weak chin… but his dick was not getting the message. It was already attempting to say hello to the stranger. Damn this heated swimming pool.What was he supposed to do with this lumbering behemoth?
Elijah floated closer, head spinning with possibilities as he tried to force his anxiety back down to his baseline of six instead of the twelve that had his heart racing. In the sunlight, the man’s eyes weren’t green or brown but literal gold, so light they almost glowed like some mythological creature. He also had freckles everywhere. Freckles were not hot. Freckles were why laser treatments existed. This guy was like a unicorn, a unicorn in the skin of the world’s hottest, tallest, lumberjack highlander.
Elijah blinked rapidly when he realized he was picturing his new bodyguard in nothing but a kilt slung low on narrow hips. He pinched his thigh hard enough to bring tears to his eyes. No good would come from heading down that road. Lucy held out a giant blue towel, but his gaze flicked to the stranger. “Yeah, I wasn’t expecting company, so I’m not wearing a bathing suit.”
Shepherd—which was just a stupid name—squatted beside the pool, his gaze falling below the waterline. “Oh, I know. You were floating face up when we got here, and this water is crystal clear. My compliments to your pool man.”
His voice… that voice would be a problem. He needed to focus, to erect a mental roadblock to keep from fantasizing about his new bodyguard.But isn’t the safest place in the world under this hulking lumberjack of a man?Nothing would hurt him under there. He fought a groan. He also needed to stop thinking about the word erect immediately.
He plastered a wan smile on his face and maintained eye contact as he ascended the pool stairs like a queen walking to her throne, accepting the towel from Lucy and wrapping it around his waist. As he passed the taller man, he flicked his gaze upwards, sucking in a breath as he took in those strange eyes from mere inches away.
A knowing look slid across Shep’s face as he hooked one brow upwards. “You okay?” he asked, a smile playing on his lips. Jesus, he even had freckles on his lips. His very kissable perfect lips.
Elijah slicked his hair back with both hands, his lip curling in a sneer. “You smell like an ashtray.”
Whatever reaction he’d hoped for, it wasn’t the slick grin that split the older man’s face. He leaned into Elijah’s space, inhaling. “And you smell… salty.”
“I don’t like you.”
Shep’s hand slapped over his heart. “That’s a shame. I had us already picking out curtains.”
Elijah pulled a face. “Wow, you’re hilarious. Did we pay extra for that or are you another hack comedian trying to move out of mommy’s house once and for all?”
The giant ginger did this thing where he scraped his top teeth along his bottom lip before grinning and it was the single most erotic thing Elijah had witnessed in his life. If he had been wearing panties, they might have fallen off. He swallowed hard, forcing himself to concentrate as the other man spoke.
“I get paid to guard your body. The jokes I give for free, rabbit.”
“Rabbit?”
