“Things went… further.” He gave a harsh laugh. “I didn’t want to do any of it, but he was just so good at convincing me that it was normal. When I tried to tell my mom that I didn’t want to go anymore, she got mad, said I was spoiled and that millions of kids would kill to take his class. When I flat out refused to go, she explained that he had an in with the biggest director in Hollywood and making my teacher happy meant doors would open for me but pissing him off would lead to my being blacklisted. Maybe it was true, maybe it wasn’t. I didn’t know. I just knew there was no getting out of it for me.
“Then one day he said he wanted to practice some scenes on this stupid, ugly daybed he had in his office, said we should practice more adult stuff, so I’d feel comfortable in front of the cameras. I let him do the things he usually did, touching stuff, but he wanted more this time. I didn’t want to. I said no, but he didn’t care. When it was over, he told me it wouldn’t be so bad next time. I couldn’t let there be a next time. It had hurt. A lot. Bad enough for me to tell my mom. Bad enough for her to call our private doctor.”
Some part of Shep had known where the story would lead, but hearing Elijah say the words induced a strange sense of calm in Shep, the kind of calm that washed over him when he’d decided something. This man, whoever he was, would pay for hurting Elijah, all he needed was a name and he was certain he or Webster could find it with this information.
“Why didn’t he go to jail?” Shep asked, remembering how Elijah had said the police were corrupt.
Elijah scoffed. “My mother said jail wouldn’t benefit anybody. She hired an attorney instead and sued, said we’d keep his secret if he paid. He didn’t seem to have money of his own, not the kind my mother asked for, but the director did. I don’t know why he agreed to pay for another man’s crimes, but he did. He paid and my mom signed a contract to keep quiet.”
“So, he’s still out there… teaching?” Shep asked, keeping his inflection as neutral as possible.
“Part of the agreement was that he never teaches children again. My mother threw in the clause and then acted as if she was Mother Teresa. It was the very least she could do.”
“Is that why you left acting?”
“Sort of. I told my grandpa what happened. He was on the first flight out of Montana. He and my mom got into a huge fight when he realized what she’d done, and my grandpa took me and left. I didn’t see my mom again for eight years.”
Shep had a million questions, most of them having to do with how Lucifer had wormed her way back into Elijah’s life, but he let it go for now.
Elijah fell silent but his sorrow was like a living thing taking up space between them. “I want to help you, but I don’t know how.”
Elijah rolled onto his back so that Shep was looking down at him. The boy’s eyes were wet, his nose red. “You’re doing it. This helps. Just you being here… it helps.”
“This doesn’t feel like helping. Finding that man and ripping his arms and legs off seems like it would be a better use of my time.”
Elijah gazed up at him, his hand grazing Shep’s cheek. “It was a long time ago. It sounds crazy, but most of the time, I don’t even think about it, about him. I’ve just sort of bricked it off behind some wall in my brain. It’s just easier that way.” He lifted enough to press a lingering kiss to Shep’s lips, but there was no heat behind it, no promise of something more. Just a kiss.
They lay like that for a while, just looking at each other, which was a rather strange way to kill time but Shep found he enjoyed looking at Elijah more than almost any other activity that came to mind, so he’d do it for as long as Elijah let him.
“I want us to have sex,” Elijah blurted. “Like, you know,sex-sex. If that’s something you want too.”
Shep’s brow raised. “What? Now?”
Eli rolled his eyes, smiling. “No, not now, like when we’re ready for that. I’m not like broken or anything. I just haven’t wanted to be close to anybody like that before. There were too many variables with me being in the closet and me being a celebrity and me being able to trust somebody to keep my secrets.” Shep made a noise of agreement. He trusted very few people. “Are you…” Elijah’s voice faded.
“Am I what?”
“I know you haven’t had sex before, but do you think you might want to top or bottom? You know, when we do…”
“Whatever you want,” Shep said without hesitation.
Elijah scoffed. “No. I’m serious. Do you have a preference?”
“I just want whatever you want. It makes no difference to me.”
Elijah’s eyes widened. “You’d let me top you?”
Shep didn’t understand Elijah’s wonderment. How many ways could Shep say he was Elijah’s? “I would.”
“You trust me not to hurt you?”
“I trust you.” Shep thought about it for a long moment. “But you could hurt me though if you needed to. If that’s your thing. Whatever you need, I want to be the one giving it to you.”
Elijah’s brows knitted together, his expression dubious. “You’d let me do anything to you? Can I carve my name on your ass?”
Shep dropped a kiss to Elijah’s lips. “If you want to.”
Elijah’s pupils dilated, his breath quickening. “You don’t mean that.”
