After my dad’s death became old news last year, and Roman was named the new Administrator, Dorran and I decided to leave Riverside. Living in the city where we lost all but everything wasn’t doing wonders for either of us, so I sold both the Adler estates, and Dorran soldFinesse, and we moved to Anaheim, California. And, because Dorran has reopenedFinessein Anaheim, Varsha and Alex have joined us.
When I started my YouTube channel just a couple of months ago – dedicating it solely to fashion – I wasn’t expecting it to reach an audience so quickly, but it surprisingly has. I continue to gain more and more traction with each video I upload, bringing me one step closer to my ultimate goal of turning myself into a well-known name in the industry before I can start a brand of my own. Getting there will take a while – lots of setups and milestones and competition – but I’m determined, and I believe in myself, so I should be fine.
“Cigs?”
I wipe the tears and snot off my face, then look up. “Alex, hey.”
He gives me a small, forlorn smile. “You ready to head out? I kinda wanna leave.” His voice cracks, so he blinks and clears his throat.
I get to my feet and dust the mud off my hands and jeans, returning his smile with an understanding one of my own. “Sure, yeah.”
He glances at Mave’s grave, then brings his gaze to mine. “You okay?”
I push a few errand strands of hair behind my ears. “I think so.” I shrug. “Honestly, it’s not an answer I’ve perfected yet, because the question kind of makes me want to scream.”
He clicks his tongue. “Fair enough.”
“And you?”
He lifts a shoulder and slides his hands into the pockets of his trousers. “I have to be, right? It’s how it’s supposed to be, after all.”
“Not necessarily, no.” I notice that his eyes have misted over, so I erase the distance between us and pull him into a hug. “I love you, Alex, and I need you to know that you don’t have to be strong if you don’t want to be.”
He hugs me back and sighs against the side of my neck. “There are days when I feel like I am – strong, I mean. But then there are days when I can’t stand his absence. I go mad, and then I just feel…”
“Numb,” I provide, then move back to look at him.
“Yeah.”
“I wanna say it’s all part of the healing process, but you and I both know that’s bullshit. Whatever we’re experiencing, it justis, and it’s fucking tough. Exhausting, even”
“I’d probably knee you in the gut if you said that anyway,” Alex remarks, and I can’t help but laugh at his comment.
Dorran and I’s condo is currently under construction, so we’ve been crashing at the one Varsha and Alex are sharing. There are nights where we reminisce about some of our good memories with Jayce and Mave, and then there are those where we drink ourselves to the point where we don’t feel anything at all.
Alex once again clears his throat, then jerks his head to the right. “The others have left, it seems. We should go as well.”
I look to the side, and notice that Dorran and the others have indeed left.
I nod at Alex. “You go on ahead; I’ll meet you guys in the parking lot.”
“You sure?”
I nod again. “Yup.”
He gives my arm a quick squeeze, looks at Jayce’s grave one last time, then starts walking out of the cemetery.
Once he’s gone, I make my way to Jayce, pull another rose out from the back pocket of my jeans, and place it below the gravestone.
“He hates it when I fuss over him,” I say, referring to Dorran, “but Iamtaking care of him, I promise. Of all 3 of them.” I step back and glance between Mave and Jayce, and then, with a slow exhale, I turn around and head towards the parking lot.
Solo and Dorran are having a conversation when I reach my Cadillac, whereas Alex and Varsha are standing next to Jayce’s Jeep, which Alex now drives.
“You kids sure you don’t wanna stay a while and have a few drinks with me?” Solo asks.
Dorran shakes his head. “We should get going, but the next time we’re here, we’ll stay for a round.”
Solo ruffles his curls, then gives him a one-armed hug. “I’ll take your word for it.” He comes around and embraces the rest of us, then gets in his SUV before driving out of the parking lot.
