“How is she wrong?” Kenzie came to my rescue. “Her decision was for her state of mind, and we should respect that. We know Gallan does. He’s giving her the space she needs to heal and get better. There’s nothing right or wrong in this. This situation justis. It exists, and that’s all there is to it.”
“Oh, but thereismore to it,” Amara said, and then gazed firmly at me. “Shane wants you to make a decision – one that’ll lock things in. One that ispermanent. I think it’s about damn time you woke up and did something about it.” She pulled her long hair up in a bun. “Look, healing will take time, but if you do it alone, then the mental scars you have may never heal. I made the mistake of wounding myself over and over again when it came to Kenneth, but when he finally stood his ground and proved himself to me, proved hislovefor me, I let him in. And the result?” She pointed at her son on her lap with a warm smile on her face. “With Kenneth, I actuallyhealed, Zaira. With him by my side, I learned to be stronger and confident. I know the media, and people like Aubrey scare you, but if you really want Gallan at all – even a few months from now – then you’ll have to brave that side of things because it’s a part of his world. It’s a part of who heis. And if you wanna be in his world, then facing the press, tabloids, and a few crazy exes is a small price you’llhaveto pay.”
“I tried once and failed,” I whispered.
Kenzie shook her head. “You didn’t. You are so strong, Zaira. And even now, you’re sacrificing something important to get back to where you were. I respect that.”
“Yeah, but I don’t know for how long I’ll have to keep this going. I also don’t think it’s right by Gallan. He deserves better than this version of me. He deserves the old me.”
“Then give him that,” Sloane said brightly. “Or at least tell him that there’s hope for things to go back to how they were.”
“But what if he doesn’t want that?” Amara asked. “What if he’s ready to accept the change and move on with things? What if he’s ready for the current version of you? Did you ask him about that?”
“No.” I shook my head.
She clicked her tongue. “You really should talk to him, Zaira. Give him a chance to express himself better. You do realize that the incident must have affected him in some way too, right? I’m sure he has stuff that’s nagging at his conscience as well, so why not sit down and hear each other out instead of going different ways without clarity and full understanding?”
I shifted on my back again. “I don’t know…” I sighed. “I just…I don’t know.” I groaned when my head started pounding harder than earlier. “Fuck.” I tightened my fingers in my hair and closed my eyes.
Was I hurting Gallan by pushing him away, or was it right to let him go?
Was I damaged property now and couldn’t give him what he wanted?
What if I agreed to let him in, and he later decided that he wanted nothing to do with this new side of me?
Wouldn’t I be a fool to put myself on the pedestal, only to fall when its foundation went slack?
“I’ll make you some coffee,” Amara said to me. She handed a still-sleeping Isaac to Sloane, and then gave me a small smile before heading out of the living room.
She’d just left, though, when Isaac began crying in Sloane’s arms.
“Youalwaysdo this to me,” she said to him, which made him cry harder.
I chuckled, despite the pain in my head. “Check his diaper, maybe?”
Sloane shook her head. “He’s fine. He just hates the smell of my perfume. It’s probably too feminine for him. He’s totally his father’s son.”
Kenzie laughed. “Maybe get him some fresh air. It’ll help.”
Sloane nodded and took Isaac to the wide balcony in the living room.
Kenzie walked over to me before kneeling by my side. “You okay?” She frowned when our eyes met. “You look a little pale.”
“I’m fine,” I told her. “Just a little headache.”
Her frown deepened. “You can’t lie for shit and you know that.”
I gave her a smile. “I’m good, Ken; don’t worry.”
She leaned in and pressed a kiss on my forehead. “I know that me and the others have different opinions and reactions towards what’s happened, but the one thing we have in common is our concern for you. I want you to hear what we have to say, but act only on whatyouthink is right – for both yourself and your health.” She straightened my glasses. “Your well-being is our #1 priority, and whatever decision you do end up making will be one I’ll stand behind. I got you, even if things are about to shift. I love you and I want you to keep yourself first.” She squeezed my hand before standing up. “I’m headed to the bathroom. All the pizza I had is protesting real hard in here.” She patted her flat stomach.
“You okay?” I asked.
“I’m great. Just gotta clear up my system is all.” She stuck her tongue out at me when I scowled at her, and then, with a wink, she turned around and walked out of the living room.
I sniffed and stretched my legs on the couch. Shane’s voice – hisquestion, in particular – continued to buzz in my ear.
With a sigh, I pulled my phone out of my pocket before opening our chat page.
