55.
November 12th, 2020
“Imagine what would happen if a drop of wine fell into Isaac’s mouth right now,” Sloane said to Amara, who’d just finished drinking her wine and had placed the glass next to her phone on the table to her right. “I’ve never seen a drunk baby, so it’ll be fun to watch yours act wise and tell us how good of a mother you are to him.”
Amara looked down at Isaac sleeping soundly on her lap, and then up at Sloane before giving her a deadly scowl. “I can’t believe you just said that. He’sone, Sloane.ONE.” She clicked her tongue. “The only word he’s spoken so far is ‘goo-goo’. I don’t know what in heaven’s tits does that mean, but Kenneth seems very happy with it. Says it’sgoodprogress.”
Kenzie cackled and took a sip of her wine. “Oh, the joy of parenthood.”
Sloane agreed in the form of a grunt, whereas Amara nodded with a crooked smile on her face.
The drive to hers and Kenneth’s penthouse had been a blur, because my brain was too busy trying to clear the fog that Shane’s question from earlier had caused. And when Amara had opened her door to let me in around an hour ago, I’d almost stumbled into her house and thrown myself on her large living-room couch.
It felt like I had zero strength; like a massive weight had been placed right on the center of my chest.
It wasn’t easy dealing with the heavy stuff in life, especially when you were constantly bouncing back-and-forth between pain and confusion.
Amara had called Sloane and Kenzie over to make it a small pity party for me. I’d consumed more pizza and wine in the past hour than I have in the last six months. It didn’t hurt that the company was comforting and highly welcomed.
Amara looked at me, and her expression quickly softened. “You okay?” she asked.
I hugged Coco, her two-year-old bunny, closer to my chest and buried my face farther in his soft and comforting golden fur. “No, I’m not,” I mumbled. I closed my eyes and nuzzled against his neck, to which he let out a tiny huff and began licking my jaw.
“You should talk to Gallan, Zaira,” Sloane suggested. “Things didn’t exactly go smoothly the last time you two interacted. Maybe reach out and see where he’s at right now.”
“But why would she do that?” Kenzie jumped in. “He walked away from her all those weeks ago. It’shimwho should reach out to her. Not only that, but he should also apologize to Zaira for his behavior.”
“But Zaira wasn’t exactly welcoming to him then, and neither did she give him much to go by,” Amara said. When I rose my head and looked at her, she raised a brow and pointed a finger at me. “It’s true and you know it. You blamed him for something that wasn’t even his fault. You didn’t reason with him; you didn’t tell him how you really felt in that moment. You pushed him away just because he wasthereand was an easy target for you. You had so much on your mind at the time that you found the nearest outlet and poured all of your pain and anger and accusations on it – onhim.” She frowned a little. “Instead of opening up to Gallan and seeking calm and safety in him –withhim – you made him the villain. You let go of the one lifeline that could’ve pulled you out of the ocean and onto solid ground way better and quicker.”
I felt a pinch in my heart at her words. She wasn’t wrong, was she? And I knew that her giving me a dose of tough love was her way of telling me what an idiot I was.
Coco wiggled in my arms. With a kiss on his nose, I gently put him down, and watched as he ran over to his litterbox before jumping in.
“Motherhood has turned you into a badass bitch,” Sloane said to Amara, who rolled her eyes at her best friend.
“I’m legit scared of you now. Not even going to think about messing with you,” Kenzie added, and chuckled when Amara flipped her off.
I sighed and lied down on the plush couch with my head on the armrest. “You know why I did what I did, Ams,” I told Amara. “It was a defense mechanism for me, and I’m still not sure I wanna let it go.” I rubbed both hands over my face. “God, I’m so done with everything.”
Isaac made a noise in his sleep, so I shifted on my side in order to look at him.
He was beautiful, with a head of dark hair and eyes so blue they’d grip you on the spot. He was also the cutest, chubbiest, and the happiest baby I’d seen. He was always smiling, whether it be while drinking milk, playing, or peeing and pooping in his diaper.
I wish I could go back in time and be a baby again. No stress about the real world, or the hassle of dealing with its ups and downs.
“Do you want kids, Zaira?” Amara asked.
Our eyes met, and when I gave her a little shrug, she huffed and rolled her eyes.
“You’re being impossibly annoying right now,” she said, which made me laugh.
“Sorry,” I told her.
“It’s not Amara who needs your apology,” Sloane stated. “It’s Gallan who does.”
I glanced at her. “You’re supposed to be onmyside.”
“There are no sides here, babe. You’re wrong, and you know that.”
