I laughed, trying to imagine it all. I didn’t have a lot of memories of her, and all of them clashed with this story.
Crush coughed in his hand and guzzled down his drink. “The store manager didn’t press charges. Someone brought the money-filled envelope to his attention, and damn if she didn’t leave a sappy note that pulled at his heartstrings on Christmas.”
“So he let her have the toy?”
“No, the lamb was toast. Smelled like trash. There was no washing that shit out. So he gave her another one and offered her a few other toys out of pity, but she only wanted the lamb. I put it in the trunk since she still smelled, but I never saw that woman look more beautiful.” He shook his head and sighed. “You see, she did everything by the book. But someone screwed her over, so she put her baby first. Sometimes that’s what you gotta do, rules be damned.”
“I think you mean laws.”
“She loved you that hard.” A sullen look flickered in his eyes. “I bet you don’t remember the lamb or blanket, but she kept it all those years. Made me promise never to tell you that story, but I guess it doesn’t matter now. The fire destroyed everything.” He patted his chest where the tattoo of a bluebird, heart, and flames honored my mother. “It was hard losing your mama in the fire, but every Christmas, I thought about that lamb.” He blotted his eyes with a napkin. “If you knew how normal a life she wanted, you’d see how funny it was.”
“Thanks. I just wish she were here to tell it herself.”
“That’s what I’m here for. She would have taken that story to the grave. That’s what people do.”
I worried my lip for a moment. “Can I talk you into becoming a Mage?”
“You know my answer.”
“Well, what about a Vampire?”
“Fuck that. We’ve been through this, Cookie. When it’s my time, it’s my time. I’ve had a good long life, but I’m not scared of dying. Let me tell you a little secret. When you’re young, you want to live forever. You have your whole life ahead of you, you’re healthy, you’re full of energy. But when you’re old, you don’t want that. You know what people my age want? To do it all over again. To be young, to fix all the mistakes we made, to seize those missed opportunities, to grab life by the balls. I’ve had my run. I’m gonna stick around for as long as I can and do right by you, but I’m ready for the next chapter. What if your mama’s waiting for me out there? Maybe this time I won’t fuck it up.”
I teared up, disheartened that he kept returning to the same answer. “But you’ll be leaving me all alone.”
He stroked his grey goatee. “You won’t be alone. You’ve got that peckerhead.”
“You know what I mean. It’s not the same as family. You’re all I’ve got.”
“The way I see it, you’ll never be alone. Your mama didn’t understand what I always knew. You were bound to lose us eventually, and if you didn’t have kids of your own, yeah, you might have been alone. When you lived with Bonnie, you had a normal human life. But with me, I always had my buddies over so you could bond with them. I knew one day you’d figure out they were Breed, and maybe that’s what your mama was afraid of. You’re like a niece to them, and even though you’re all grown up and doing your own thing, they’ll always be there for you. That’s how wolves are—loyal to the bone. Long after I’m gone, you’ll still have family. People who will gladly tell you all my embarrassing stories and make you laugh. People who will help you out of a jam. And if you were still human, they would have sat at your deathbed when you were an old lady, held your hand, and sung to you. And that’s something.”
I gripped his arm, wishing we could stay in this moment forever. Crush always had a way of making me see his point of view, and as much as I didn’t want to lose him, it wasn’t my place to decide. If my motherwasout there somewhere, waiting for him, I didn’t want to be the reason they never got a second chance. “I don’t think she would have minded you telling me that story.”
He patted my hand. “You’re a lot like her, Cookie. More than you know.”
* * *
Crushand I spent the whole day talking. We even took Harley for a short walk. Since I couldn’t wear a jacket, I insisted the brisk air would do me good, that walking would keep me warm. Crush didn’t buy it. After he kept throwing me suspicious looks, we headed back.
Then I found an old box of Christmas decorations in his closet.
“You should really buy a tree,” I said, using tape to hang cheap tinsel on the wall in the shape of a Christmas tree.
“Where the hell am I going to store a tree?” he barked from his recliner.
“You have a garage outside with plenty of room. They make smaller trees these days. You could put one on top of the end table.”
I took two plastic snowmen out of the box and set one next to the TV.
“I don’t want that thing looking at me,” he grumbled.
I blew dust off the second snowman and set it on the corner end table. “When is the last time you put these decorations up?”
He sniffed. “Beats the hell out of me.”
I sat on the arm of his chair and tugged his black sweatshirt that saidBiker Dadon the back. “Did you put this on for me?”
His cheeks got all red, and he craned his neck as if to look around me. “You’re blocking the TV.”
