“You did nothing to be ashamed of back there,” he reiterated. “I don’t give a damn what anyone in that bar thinks of your reaction, and neither should you. Staying low kept you from becoming that bear’s target. You don’t have a Packmaster around to tell you that, so maybe you need to hear it from me. I had an uncle killed by a grizzly. One swipe took off half his head. And what you’re dealing with—it’s no one’s place to judge. They don’t know what you’ve been through.”
“Easy for you to say.”
Tak withdrew his hand, eyes downcast. “I know about trauma. Everyone deals with it differently.”
I noticed the bend in his voice and treaded carefully with my question. “What could traumatize an alpha?”
Tak turned away and rested his forearms on his knees. “Killing his mate.”
I sat up, my eyes wide. “Say that again?”
After a long stretch of silence, he finally spoke. “Maybe you should call that cab after all.”
His admission made my heart drop. Maybe I should have taken him up on the cab, but I had to know more. “On purpose?”
Tak’s knuckles turned white as he squeezed his fingers together, and I watched his sculpted features contort. When he tried to speak, he choked on a sob, his body shaking as he buried his face in his hands. I’d rarely seen that depth of sorrow.
When his emotional break subsided, he wiped his face and heaved a sigh. “I’m an alcoholic. I used to be, anyhow.”
My heart sank. If this story involved physical abuse, I wouldn’t be able to offer him words of comfort. That was where I drew the line. My heart had no room for any man who would strike a woman.
“We weren’t actually mated,” he continued. “We didn’t hide our relationship, and we were as close as any mated couple, except for the living-together part. Her father knew about my problem and wouldn’t agree to the pairing. We could have gone behind his back, but she didn’t want it that way. His approval meant something to her, and she thought he’d warm up to me in time. My drinking never affected my behavior toward her. I always treated her with love and respect. It was just something that became bigger than me.”
“Why did you drink?”
Tak wiped his face again, his voice changed from the pain. “I don’t know. Maybe to cope with living in my father’s shadow. I could list a million excuses, but none of them matter. I lost control.”
My hand slid away from his back when he grabbed the water off the end table and gulped it down. “What happened?”
He set the bottle on the table and turned to face me, his eyes downcast. “I was drinking at the bar one night, and she showed up to bring me home. I made her laugh. Even when she was mad at me, I could make her laugh. She handed my keys to one of my packmates and insisted on driving me home in her car. It wasn’t the first time she’d come to my rescue, but maybe it bruised my ego that particular night. Once outside, I snatched the keys away from her and got in the driver’s seat. She tried to stop me, but I’m a stubborn wolf. I distracted her with kisses until she laughed. Then I promised to drive slowly. We lived out in the country, and there isn’t any traffic late at night.Whydidn’t she get out?”
I shook my head.
“I don’t remember the drive or anything else until I woke up to the smell of fuel and pine. We’d hit a tree, and it almost split the car in half. She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.” Tears filled his eyes so quickly that they spilled down his cheeks before he could blink.
Something dark flickered in his expression, and I drew back.
Tak gripped a pillow and hurled it across the room with such ferocity that it made me jump. He sprang to his feet and punched the wall, his fist leaving a crater. “She suffered because of me. She died because of me. Alone, on the hood of a car! I wasn’t awake to hold her, to comfort her, to tell her that I was sorry.”
I felt a catch in my throat and stood up. “You don’t know what could have been done for her. An alpha’s magic doesn’t always work. Don’t torture yourself over something you can’t change. The fates are in control of our lives.”
He spun around, his nostrils flaring. “The fates didn’t take her out of this world;Idid. It wasn’t her time,” he growled. “And I’m the one who had to tell her family. I brought shame to my tribe—to my father. You see an alpha standing before you, but I will never be a Packmaster.”
I reached up and touched the dark patterns on his face, tears welling in my eyes. “Is that why they did this? To punish you?”
He shook his head. “I did it after I got sober. Let my sins be a cautionary tale for the younger generations. They need a reminder every single day of the price they’ll pay for selfish choices. The symbols show I’m a wolf who strayed from the pack.”
I brushed the pad of my thumb across his cheek. “Maybe you were meant to stray for a reason.”
He stared at me for a few breathless seconds and then pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was surprisingly gentle at first, and as his arm curved around my back and he pulled me closer, I felt dizzy with the taste of his tears and the scent of him. He claimed me with that kiss, and I stood on my tiptoes, my body melting against his.
When he broke the kiss and backed away, I looked up in confusion.
“It’s not right,” he said, his voice husky. “I can’t take advantage of a virgin.”
I blinked at him in surprise before a flurry of laughter escaped. I covered my mouth, unable to process what I’d just heard.
Tak frowned. “I don’t understand you city Shifters.”
