“Me too,” I mumbled around half of another cookie.
“Your sweet tooth is pretty impressive.” Sheila stood at the sink, her spiky hair hidden underneath a pink-and-purple scarf.
“My dad’s is pretty bad too. I guess he gave it to me. We had dessert almost every night after dinner. I’m sure the PTA moms would’ve been disgusted to find that out. God, it smells like heaven in here ...” I took a whiff, accentuating the inhale. “Like crack,” I joked.
“I was allowed one treat per week,” Bev said. “Don’t fall so hard for my mom.”
“Not my fault. That was all your ballet instructor,” Sheila told her. “I was just following orders, like a good mom.”
“Whatever, it doesn’t matter now. We’re eating cookies after all. Now I can eat and eat. By the way, the coconut is yummy too.” Bev leaned back against the counter, her hair slicked back in a low ponytail, only half a smile on her face.
“Give me some.” I snatched a bite, walking closer to the one person who’d quickly become my friend.
We were standing side by side at the counter, a tray of cookies in front of us. I didn’t know what having a sibling would actually feel like, but I’d always dreamed of having one. A great huge mystery to me, like a unicorn, but I wanted one, nonetheless.
“What about your mom?” Bev asked after swallowing, almost as if she was asking about the weather or what subway I took. “Do you wonder about that? Maybe she had a sweet tooth too.”
The words came out of her mouth easily. Not because she was trying to hurt me, but rather she thought we were kindred spirits. Both with single parents, always wondering about the parent who left.
I shrugged, but I couldn’t get rid of the awful feeling dogging me. Again, not her words, just the awful contradiction of my current situation. Surrounded by the sweet smell, sugary smiles, and presumed love all around me, and here I was lying to these women.
My dad had fucked up along the way, but he hadn’t raised me to be a sneak. That’s what got my ass to New York in the first place. I couldn’t sneak around and sleep with Robby. I had to be forthcoming with my overly concerned single father.Christ, I was an absolute idiot.
Finally, my guilt got the best of me. I didn’t want to come clean, but these were my friends, and I didn’t want to lie to them. Lying was wrong—my dad had taught me that.
“Um, I should tell you both something.”
“What, honey?”
When Sheila actually stopped what she was doing, giving me her full attention, I wanted to take a picture of her loving expression and keep it for later. Who knew when I would have it again? Maybe never.
“This is hard to say.” I wrung my hands in front of me, wishing I could be mixing batter, anything to take my mind off what was about to unfold. I yanked my hair out of the bun and let a few loose strands fall forward, shielding my face, and hopefully my emotions. My eyes burned, and the shiny bakery floor before me turned blurry.
“This is a safe zone. We’ve been gal pals for almost all of Bev’s life. You can say anything, right, sweetie?” Sheila looked to Bev for backup. “What happens at the bakery, stays at the bakery.”
Although she said it, I wasn’t sure she’d still feel that way after I came clean.
“That’s the thing,” I said. “For all my life, it’s only been my dad and me. He didn’t want me to look for or wonder about my mom, but I couldn’t help myself. He tried to be enough, to be both my mom and dad, but no matter how much he sheltered me, my heart wondered. I’d lie in bed at night, dreaming of my mom. What she was doing, what she looked like. Did she miss me? Think about me? Don’t get me wrong, he was great, and how I treated him this summer was bad. I was acting spoiled, like a big baby.”
“That’s only natural,” Sheila said gently, not knowing what I was about to say.
“I kept a lot from him. I’d open the window blinds at night and look at the stars. I’d find an unusually bright one and pretend it was my mom looking out for me. I’d talk to her ... not her,” I said, grabbing at my forehead. “At a dumb star that couldn’t hear me. I’d talk about my period or boys or the girls in my class, whatever was bothering me. It was never above a whisper, because I didn’t want my dad to know I was doing it. Then things went shitty with my dad.”
“It happens. Teenagers,” Sheila murmured. “That’s part of growing up. I hate to say it, but it’s the truth, honey.”
“Well, he and I had a big fight at the start of the summer, over a boy, and I kind of walked away. Ran away. Although he watched me do it. I decided to look for my mom here—because she’s from New York. I blew a lot of cash, and honestly, I didn’t know what I was doing. Just chasing after a name and not knowing much about her. It’s didn’t get me far, just broke. It was more like a wild goose chase. Anyway, then I walked into this bakery and struck gold. I didn’t plan it, but it happened. And I couldn’t help myself, I kept chasing my mom. And during that process, I fell in love with you two. It was wrong of me not to say anything—”
“What do you mean?” Bev turned to face me. “In this bakery? What does that have to do with your mom? You’re not making sense.”
“Let her talk,” Sheila insisted, as if she knew what the next words out of my mouth were going to be.
“I mean, the painting. It was signed Paula Dubois. That’s my mom. Or at least, that was her name when my dad knew her. So, I think it’s my mom. She did like art, I heard. I was so shocked when I saw it, I had to stop myself from cheering. My mom! I couldn’t believe it. And then you got to rambling, Bev, and we became fast friends, and it wasn’t two-faced or spiteful, I swear! You’re my only genuine friend ... except I kept this tiny secret. I wanted to hear more about my mom. At the time, it felt innocent, like I found a friend and my mom all at once. Like God was finally on my side, sending me two amazing things at the same time.”
Bev paced in front of us, her expression furious. “So you took advantage of my sick mom, took her painting, and what? You were going to suck every last piece of information from her, and then leave us? Doesn’t sound like you really valued our friendship like you’re saying.” She clenched her fists and stopped in her tracks. “Well?”
“No. I swear. It all just happened. Price said I should tell you, which is why I am. He was right, even though this is gutting me.”
“Who?” Sheila asked. “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to keep track of everyone involved.”
