This was all very inconvenient because I needed some information about the guy who'd walked her to the door and touched her like he knew her in a way that was mine.
I'd held it together for two and a half hellish weeks. I knew I couldn't do it much longer, and I lost a little more control every time I thought about watching that asshole go in for a kiss. Which was constantly.
Beyond all of that, I needed to be with her tonight more than I needed anything else in the world. To apologize to every inch ofher perfect body for the way I left after the wedding. To serve my penance any way she wished. To tell her I knew I didn't deserve another second chance. To confess that this scared the hell out of me, that the power she held over me was raw and overwhelming and the only thing that'd ever felt right to me. To beg her to take me as I was, stretched too thin and not nearly enough of anything for anyone, and show me how to make this work.
I heard a sharp, excited inhale and blinked down to see Bagel licking my son's hand. I expected him to look up at me with a huge, toothy grin but it was Audrey on the receiving end.
She'd said something once about a heart beating outside my chest and—yes. It was that.
"I think he likes you," she said. "Try rolling a tennis ball across the rug. He likes to play fetch but only if he doesn't have to go very far. I'll be right back."
She pushed to her feet and into the kitchen with zero acknowledgment that I existed. That was…exactly what I'd expected after seventeen days.
I found her leaning against the sink, her arms crossed over her chest and her gaze fixed on the floor. I stood on the other side of the island. If I sat down—if I stopped moving at all—I'd crash. Fall asleep right here on the granite countertop.
Eventually, she said, "What the hell happened, Jude?"
I pushed a hand through my hair. Swallowed hard. "There was a fire. Brenda forgot about a pan on the stove, and when the alarms went off, she fell getting into the kitchen. Broke her hip and a few bones in her leg. Burns on her chest and arms. And half the house is gone." I dipped my head to meet her eyes but she wouldn't give me that. "Percy was there when it happened. He tried to get her out of the house. That was the call I got at the wedding. That's why I had to go immediately."
She swung a glance to the living room. "Is he all right?"
"He caught some very minor burns on his leg and inhaled a bit of smoke. He needed some breathing treatments though he's doing better now. The burns are fully healed, which is great, but we have bigger problems." I rubbed my forehead as an exhausted breath rattled out of me. "Brenda didn't recognize him. Told him to stay away from her and get out of her house."
"What? Why?"
"The doctors think she's been having a lot of small strokes for months, maybe longer, and that's caused her to develop a form of dementia." I shifted back toward my boy. It was good to see him smiling again. Even better to see him this far away from me without a trace of panic. "They're recommending an assisted living placement."
She nodded slowly as she took this in, her arms still crossed and her gaze still evading mine. Then, "Why are you here?"
The past few weeks had been an endless slog of one decision after another. Treatment plans and custody amendments. Doctors and lawyers, therapists and insurance agents. Packing up what was left of a home that wasn't mine and selecting a long-term care facility for a woman who liked to tell the nurses I was stealing from her.
All this time, I hadn't been able to think beyond the next minute, the next step. Holding Percy through the nightmares, the panic, the separation anxiety. Waiting for the court to catch up with all this. The only moments I'd had to breathe came between doctor visits and claims inspections and nightmares, and even then, those breaths were shallow and inadequate, like I was sprinting up a mountainside.
All I could say was, "I didn't know where else to go."
She lifted her gaze to mine, her pale brows pulled tight and her mouth firmed into a rigid line. "Your mother would've welcomed you with open arms, as you're well aware."
I dropped my hands to the countertop, leaned forward. "And you're well aware I'm still waiting for some answers about the guy who was all over you at the door."
"I'm free to spend time with anyone I want and obligated to justify none of it to you." She made a tart little expression that I wanted to bite off her lips. "Last I checked, I'm a single woman and the statute of limitations on whatever the hell we had going on has lapsed."
I didn't have the energy to pretend that I didn't want her back.Needher back. That I wasn't prepared to fight for her. "The last thing in the fucking world you are is single. You've been mine since the first time you rolled your eyes at me when you were fifteen, princess, and I've been yours even longer."
She held my gaze for a beat, fire burning in her hazel eyes. I figured there was at least an eighty percent chance she was about to throw me out. A tragedy, considering my kid was already in love with the dog.
But then she asked, "How much longer?"
If this was what she needed, I could do it. Confess my deep secrets, unburden my mortal soul. No problem. And that was what I wanted her to realize. There wasn't a rung too high for me to climb. Not then, not now.
I circled the island, stopping beside her at the sink. "You were in the pew ahead of me on the first day of school. Your hair was up in a bun but you had a little braid around the bottom of the bun. I spent the entire service wondering how you did that." I brought my hand to the back of her neck. "I knew my entire life would change if I could kiss you right"—I swept her hair over one shoulder, pressed my lips to her nape—"here. I had no idea what it meant to crave someone that way but I knew I wouldn't be complete without you. And that's never changed."
A shiver moved through her as I kissed the slim column of her neck, the line of her jaw. "But we didn't talk until—until?—"
"Until second semester. Mmhm. You ignored the shit out of me for months. It was brutal." I wrapped her hair around my palm, gave it a tug to tip her head to the side as I mapped her neck. "I don't think you've ever truly known how much power you wield over me. That you can destroy me and I'll still come right back and ask you to do it again."
"I'm not the one who disappeared and didn't bother to return a text."
I ran my lips over the shell of her ear. "Awful, isn't it?"
