I almost lost my polite façade at the pointlessness of that comment but managed to say, "I'd love some time to think."
All I needed was to make it look like I'd considered his offer. And to get his hand off my elbow before the feral part of my brain took over.
"I completely understand. The last thing I'd want would be for you to make a snap decision."
He released my elbow—thank god—and held his arms open, moving in for a hug I hadn't expected. I knew I wasn't in danger but that didn't stop my body from dumping buckets of adrenaline into my system.
"Thank you again for dinner, Brecken. I hope you have an easy trip back to the city."
He leaned in to press a kiss to my cheek, and seemed to enjoy it about as much as I did. Cold sweat bloomed on my chest.
"I'll be in touch," he called as he picked his way down the walkway. Like it was a literal minefield.
I turned the handle but waited for the driver to pull away to step inside. I needed to know they were gone before turning my back. I knew I was spiraling into hypervigilance when I flipped the deadbolt but I also knew it would pass. I just needed to breathe through it and remind myself this was my home, I was safe here, and no one could take it away from me.
I rushed to Bagel's crate before even turning on the lights. He bounded out, running in circles and whining his outrage at being left here all alone. "I know, I know," I repeated. "It was terrible of me to leave you. Never again, friend. Never, ever."
He followed from a careful distance as I flipped on the lights in the kitchen and living room. I'd need some tea to settle down and I had time to mix up some bread dough for?—
The doorbell rang and my entire nervous system jolted at once.
Bagel rushed to the door, sniffing and yipping, but it took me a beat to get moving. I shot a text to Jamie, telling her to call me in three minutes if I didn't get back to her before then. She, of course, responded withWHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING ARE YOU OKAY WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!?
I glanced through the peephole but it was old and rusty, and the lighting out there was more back alley, less front door. I knew it was Brecken. Either he'd come back with another anemic offer—separate penthouses! vacations on different private islands!—or he was here to nudge me toward whatever plan he'd already drafted for our life. Or I'd completely misread him and he was going to scream me into a corner until he got his way.
A hand hooked in Bagel's collar, I edged the door open. But I didn't find Brecken waiting on the other side.
I found Jude with a small child sobbing on his shoulder and a thunderous glare in his eyes. I stumbled back, too blindsided to notice Bagel behind me.
As I lost my balance, Jude's hand shot out, his grip closing around my wrist and holding me steady.
And then he barked, "Who the fuck was that?"
chapter forty-six
Jude
Today's vocabulary word: omission
Audrey's pulsehammered under my fingers and the tangible truth of her made me feel whole for the first time in weeks. Fully formed. That final piece slotted into place.
But also— "Who the fuck was that?"
"Excuse me," Audrey said, wrenching her hand from my grip, "but under no circumstances are you welcome to show up at my home and demand anything after you've spent the past two weeks ignoring my calls."
The dog at her feet started barking—howling—and that was all the encouragement my son needed to wrap up his overtired tantrum and tune into the situation. He rubbed his tear-stained face into my shirt and lifted his head. His eyes went wide and happy at the sight of the pup, and he signed, "Meet the dog? Please?"
I straightened his glasses. "You know the rules."
With a sniffle, he turned his gaze to Audrey. I'd meant to watch him sign but my attention hooked on her quiet gasp and then the way she brought a hand to her neck, up to her partedlips. Her soft gaze stroked over him like she just couldn't believe he was real. The same way I did.
I cleared my throat, saying, "Percy, this is my friend Audrey." I rubbed a hand down my son's back. "Audrey, I'd like you to meet Percy. He says he likes dogs a lot and wants to meet your dog if that's okay."
She nodded for a second, her lips pursed together as she continued staring at him. Then she seemed to snap out of it, sucked in a rough breath, and let a bright smile transform her face. She waved to him as she crossed into the living room, saying, "Hi, Percy. This is Bagel. He has some big feelings and doesn't always want to be close to people, but if we sit down on the floor with some of his toys, he might come visit. Do you want to do that?"
He wiggled right out of my arms and bolted toward Audrey as soon as his sneakers met the floor. He plopped down next to her on the rug and took the toy she offered.
Percy launched into an endless series of questions about Bagel as the dog took slow, cautious steps toward them. I interpreted as he signed to Audrey and something about watching them together grabbed me by the throat and dug its claws in tight. He wasn't one to warm up quickly, and I was sure the dog had a lot to do with it, but standing here now was like the first breath after being underwater too long.
