“What if I don’t live up to the fantasy he’s been carrying around since high school?”
She snorted. “That’s actually hilarious because it hasn’t been a fantasy for months. You’re married, doll. You live with him, you have lots of wild sex with him, and you sort of have a kid together. I think you can put those worries to bed—unless he’s busy railing you in it.”
“James.”
“Speaking of which,whyisn’t he railing you right now? That sort of declaration requires the immediate removal of all clothes and inhibitions. You should have this convo naked. It would go much better.”
“He went out to check on the fences,” I said with a shrug. “But”—I frowned at the time on my screen, realizing I’d lost a full hour to those old notes—“it shouldn’t take this long.”
“The many joys of farm life,” she murmured. “Go find your husband. Tell him you love him and you’re not sure how to make it work but you want to try.”
“Can I use those exact words?”
“Is there a guest room at your house and a seat around your holiday table for me?”
“Always,” I said.
“Then yes, by all means, borrow all of my words.” She grinned, adding, “I love you and I want the best things for you.”
“I love you and I want the best things for you too.”
“Okay. Enough of this.” She sniffled and dabbed at her eyes. “I’m meeting some swingers for dinner and I need to put my face together. You need to find your husband and give yourself permission to trust big, amazing, scary things. Maybe you also need to give him permission to love you the way he’s always wanted. If he’s felt like this since high school, maybe it’s time for you to step up and do the hard work.”
I nodded. If all of this meant what it seemed to mean then I didn’t back Noah into a fake marriage corner any more than he needed me to defend against Christiane. He might’ve rescued me but he did it because he wanted to—because he wanted me.
I felt self-important and silly thinking that but a small piece of me recognized the truth and that piece shouted over all the other pieces playing the same old broken record ofno one wants youandthey’ll leave just like they always do.
Noah wouldn’t leave. Not even if I left him.
When the call ended, I sat there for a minute, searching for homes for all the new emotions filling my chest. I pulled in several deep breaths and pushed to my feet, the notes and laundry basket under my arm.
The kitchen was empty and the windows were streaked with rain. Noah’s radio was still seated in its charging station and his phone was on the table. As I stepped into my tall rain boots, I called up the stairs, “Gennie, I’m running over to the shed for a minute. I’ll be right back.”
“Aye aye, captain,” she shouted.
With my hood yanked over my head and my hands clutching the coat close to my chest, I jogged across the gravel drive toward the shed where Noah kept his four-wheelers. I figured I’d find him in here, messing around with his gear and generally avoiding me, but the shed was empty and his favorite vehicle was gone.
“I guess that leaves this one,” I muttered to myself as I fired up the older vehicle. As I drove out of the shed, two other ATVs pulled up in front of the house. With the rain and all their weather gear, all I could make out were large, possibly male shapes. “Noah?”
“No, it’s Tony,” one of the drivers called. “Bones.”
I came to a stop beside his vehicle, the rain whipping at the side of my face. “Have you seen Noah?”
“We came here looking for him,” Bones said, gesturing to the farmhand in the other vehicle. “He’s not coming through on the radio. He must’ve broken down out there.”
“He left the radio inside. His phone too.” I climbed out of the vehicle and headed for the steps. “Come on,” I yelled to him. “I need you to stay here with Gennie while I look for him.”
“You—oh, no.No.He’d kill me if I let you go out in the dark, in this weather. No, ma’am. We’ll look for him.”
“I’m going, and if he has a problem with it, he can work it out with me.” I opened the kitchen door to find Gennie mixing a glass of pirate juice. “Mr. Bones is going to hang out with you for a few minutes while I help Noah with something. I’m sure he’d love some pirate juice.”
A soaking wet Bones came up behind me, saying, “Your husband is going to kill me and then fire me and then dismember me for letting you take an ATV out in a storm. We take our ATV safety seriously around here, in case you hadn’t noticed, ma’am.”
“Pirates dismembered some of their prisoners,” Gennie said.
I glanced between them. “Sounds like you have plenty to discuss.”
With a great sigh, Bones said, “Go down the hill, past the orchards, near the marsh. There’s a pumpkin patch down there, the one we use for wholesale pumpkins and squash. Not the pick-your-own patch up near the farm stand. It’s flat but you have to watch out for streams. In this weather, they’ll be running high. Don’t try to cross them.”
