I stopped at the top of the street and turned in a slow circle, lifting my face to the sun. “Yeah. We are.”
“Tell me where to meet you.”
I gazedout over the shimmering surface of Jamaica Pond, my hands shoved deep in the pockets of my thin zip-up. It was peaceful here. I could see why Hartshorn liked it for his weekday morning runs. Autumn leaves blazed red, gold, and orange. It was crisp and sunny, which was the best combination. Days like today always forced me out of a bad mood. It was harder to feel like I was clinging to the tattered fringes of a family when the air was clear and the sun warmed my face.
I glanced over my shoulder when I heard footsteps approaching. I couldn’t have wiped the smile off my face at the sight of Henry if I’d tried. I couldn’t even believe myself with this silly grin.
“You found me,” I said, as if it wasn’t obvious.
“I always will.” He held out a small, paper-wrapped package. When I didn’t take it, he said, “Ice cream sandwich.”
“Why did you bring an ice—oh my god.” I clapped a hand to my face. “I can’t believe I did that.”
He curled his fingers around my wrist, tugging the hand away from my face. “I can believe it. You had ice cream cones on your socks. And I know how you feel about dessert buffets.”
I stared down at the ground as I tried to get comfortable with all the vulnerability he’d witnessed while I was in zombie mode. It was like the vulnerable floodgates had opened over the last twenty-four hours. Under different circumstances, I’d ask Brie what the moon was doing this week. It was so great to blame the moon. “Thanks for taking me home last night.”
“Believe me when I say I’ll put you to bed anytime.” He tore off the top half of the paper and handed me the ice cream sandwich. “You don’t even have to grind through thirty hours of surgery either. I’ll do it again tonight. Tomorrow. Any day, Whit. No charge.”
I took a huge bite of the sandwich to stop myself from immediately accepting that offer. I couldn’t imagine going home and seeing my sister again without something—or someone—to prevent us from picking up where we left off. Because we would. That was how we argued. One big fight followed by a painful series of smaller, increasingly hostile conversations before devolving into simmering silence.
“Hey.” He tipped his head to the side as he studied me, his lips flattening into a line. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head as I devoured the ice cream sandwich.No train wreck to see here.Though Henry kept looking, assessing me like he’d find an answer regardless of whether I gave him direction or not.
“If I’d known you were going to use ice cream to avoid me, I wouldn’t have brought any.” When I lifted my thumb to my lips to lick away the chocolate crumbs, Henry took hold of my wrist again, saying, “Oh no you don’t.”
He leaned in and drew my thumb into his mouth, scraping his teeth over my skin and sucking away the last of the crumbs and ice cream. When he was finished, he kissed my palm, the inside of my wrist, my knuckles.
My knees damn near buckled. I didn’t think anyone had ever done that to me—any part of it. I was a wreck. A light breeze could’ve knocked me over.
“Now, tell me,” he said, his palms on my jaw and his fingertips rubbing the base of my skull. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing. Really. I’m fine.”
His features tightened as if he was on high alert, a muscle in his scruffy jaw ticking as he stared at me. “Is it because I left this morning? I wanted you to get some rest and I knew you didn’t want me to watch you sleep.”
“Good call on that, yeah,” I said. “I didn’t expect you to stick around. Thank you for the muffins and coffee though. And checking on Brie.” I met his gaze for a second. “How’d that go?”
He laughed and looped his arm around my shoulders. “I think I should be asking you how it went.”
I stepped out of his hold. I wanted it, but I also had too many contradictory emotions inside me right now. I wanted to scream and cry and smash things just to hear them shatter. I’d sink into Henry if he opened his arms to me and I’d feel whole again, if only for a few minutes. And I wanted to laugh and bask in the sun and just not be so fucking broken anymore.
But I needed to be the one to put me back together. I needed to feel whole on my own. I knew in a theoretical sense that relying on others in that way wasn’t bad. It wasn’t wrong. But it wasn’t something I did. I’d never learned how.
I motioned to the trail. “We should walk.”
Henry fell in step beside me as we started around the pond. “That bad, huh?”
“She asked if you had a brother and whether we get tired of seeing each other because we work together.”
“No. On both counts.”
“How do you knowIdon’t get tired of seeingyou?”
“Because I know your faces,” he said easily. “You’re not tired of me.”
He brushed his hand against mine, and at first I thought it was just the rhythm of us walking. But then his fingertips slipped between mine and I realized he was asking permission. He was giving me the space to decide what I wanted.
