I gripped the edge of the countertop. I couldn’t even feel the cold of the stone under my hands. “I never said she was blameless. But she was there and he wasn’t.”
“Mom wasthere? I can count the school years we lived with her on one hand and I won’t need all my fingers. She got the hell out every opportunity she could.”
And don’t you do the same?
“She was deployed,” I cried.
“She reenlisted right after you were born. Right after I was born. And then over and over again. She left us every chance she got.” Brie crossed her arms over her chest like she had to protectherself from my betrayal. Like I was the enemy here. “She chose to leave just as much as Dad did.”
I felt like my world was tearing down the middle and I was ripping right along with it. “How can you even call him that? He’s a sperm donor at best, a cruel bastard at worst.”
Tears spilled down her cheeks. “Because he’s the only father we’re ever going to get. Gram’s gone. Mom’s too obsessed with her new spirituality and whatever the hell else she’s doing to remember she has kids. He’s all we have left.” She sniffled. “Him and our half siblings.”
I took a big step backward and then another. It wasn’t enough. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to put enough distance between me and those words. “I don’t have half siblings and, as far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a father. Those people are not mine and I really can’t believe you think they’re yours.”
The silence that settled between us pulsed like a slap to the face.
Brie brushed away her tears, saying, “What if he’s not the bad guy here? What if Mom?—”
“What if both of them fucked up? Why can’t you consider that possibility?”
“Even more reason to meet him,” she shouted back. “If they’re both to blame, why not give him a chance?”
“Because he’s had his chances. He’s had so many of them and never once has he chosen us. But Mom did. She wasn’t perfect, but she chose us when no one else did.”
“She choseyou,” Brie said, a fresh wave of tears brimming in her brown eyes, “but she never chose me. I had Gram and that neighbor lady from the base who stayed with me when I was home sick. That’s it. That’s all I had.”
And me. You hadme. You’ve always had me.
“It’s still more than anything he ever gave you. You’re right, Mom wasn’t there much, but it was a whole hell of a lot morethan the nothing we got from him and I just don’t understand why you can’t see the difference.” I patted my pockets for my phone. I had to get out of this conversation. I pointed to the notifications on my screen as proof. They were mostly from a real estate app, alerting me to price changes on homes I’d never buy in cities I’d never move to. “I have to go.”
“Would it really kill you to talk about this?”
Would it kill you to notice that you’re repeatedly stabbing me in the back?
I stepped into shoes and pulled on the first coat I could find. I didn’t even know if I needed a coat today. It didn’t matter. I’d just take everything I could carry and figure it out later. “I’m pretty sure we just talked about it. What else is there to say?”
After a moment, she asked, “Does this mean you won’t come with me to meet him?”
I dropped my forehead against the door. “Does this mean you still think he deserves a place in your life?”
“I just need to try,” she said softly. “Even if it ends badly, I need to try.”
With a nod, I opened the door and sprinted down the stairs to Temple Street. When I hit the sidewalk, I grabbed my phone to call Meri. But I stopped before I could tap her number. I knew she’d give me exactly what I needed right now. She’d patch me up and tell me Brie was intentionally pushing my buttons because that was how she coped with her insecurities and feelings of abandonment. She’d take me somewhere for appetizers and wine, lots of wine, and she’d make it not so bad. I loved this about her. I lovedeverythingabout her.
And I called Henry.
“Hey,” I said when he answered. “Want to go for a walk somewhere? Hartshorn told me about a trail not too far from here. Said it’s his favorite spot in Boston.”
“We aren’t panicking today?”
“I don’t know, Hazlette. Did I do anything last night that would be grounds for panicking? Say anything? I need to know—did I talk in my sleep?”
“You did talk in your sleep, but it was mostly berating residents for being too slow. Just a regular day for me. Nothing new there.”
Warmth wormed its way back into my chest and it didn’t seem like my world was irrevocably fractured. For once, I didn’t feel devastatingly alone. “Then we’re good.”
He laughed. “Are we?”
