"How long have you been pregnant?" I asked. There was some slurring involved. It sounded like "How long 've be pregnant?" and ended with a hiccup.
To her credit, she smiled. That was the best thing about Matt Walsh's wife. She made everyone comfortable. She was good to people even when they hadn't earned her goodness.
"Eight-ish months. This kid has a few more weeks to go."
"Okay, good," I murmured, nodding hard enough to slap myself in the face with my ponytail.
"Back to the topic at hand," Andy announced, snapping her fingers. I wasn't certain but I got the impression she'd picked up that move from Patrick. He was a snapper. The snappiest.
Shannon leaned back against the booth with her champagne flute in hand. "Allow me to recap the key points, boss. Two guys. Both fun and pretty. Cool dudes. Big event with one of them coming up. Am I missing anything?"
"I showered with the firefighter last weekend," I confessed. "That was, uh, illustrative."
"Because you got your hands on the goods?" Lauren asked.
I hummed in agreement.
"Fun times," Tiel murmured.
"Yeah, mostly." I held up both hands as if I was weighing something. "My shower isn't big enough for too much fun. It was mostly like, 'Oh, hey, you're naked and I'm naked and we're both slippery so that's exciting but all we can do is stand here and be naked together.'" I dropped my hands, shrugged. "And then we ordered delivery from Beverly House of Pizza and watched the Yankees-Dodgers game and I scared him when I yelled at the television."
"I don't care how small the space is, how do you shower with someone and not have sex?" Tiel asked. "Not positive but I think I got pregnant in the shower."
"Will talks about getting me pregnant during shower sex but I don't think it's panned out that way for us," Shannon said.
"Chances are good that shower sex is to blame for this," Lauren said, patting her belly.
"Like you weren't trying on every damn surface in your apartment, Matt's office, and the entire city," Shannon said to her.
Lauren shrugged. "You never know what will do the trick."
"Topic at hand," Andy repeated.
"You're only saying that because you don't like shower sex," Lauren remarked.
"You're right," Andy replied. "I don't like it. I don't have pretty shiny blonde California girl hair like some people. My hair is complicated. My hair requires a protocol, a routine. And I refuse to have sex while wearing a shower cap."
"That's fair," Tiel said. "I wouldn't be able to say anything remotely dirty while wearing a shower cap."
Shannon rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. "I don't need to hear about the sex lives of my brothers, thank you."
"And my interest in getting pregnant is less than zero," Andy continued, ignoring Shannon. "So, if everyone is getting knocked up in the shower, I'll keep locking the bathroom door behind me."
"I'm with you on that," I replied. "The last thing I need is to get pregnant while figuring out what to do with these guys."
"It would either make the decision very easy or very difficult," Tiel said.
"Difficult," I replied. "It would be difficult. I'm sure of it. And regardless of any of that, I'm not ready for a real live baby child with one of these men."
"Okay, then," Tiel said. "What are you ready for?"
I blinked at her, my lips parted and words were waiting on my tongue. But I didn't say anything. I couldn't form the sounds. Instead, I swallowed it all down with a mouthful of boozy orange juice.
"Magnolia needs two things from us," Andy said, jumping in where I was flailing. "She needs help picking out a fancy dress, and some objective opinions on the dicks she's juggling."
"I am not juggling any dicks," I argued. "I'm merely rubbing them in showers."
"Oh, so there was more than one shower?" Tiel asked.
