Magnolia: Just watching the Bruins slaughter Phoenix.
Magnolia: Go for it.
Dating App Guy 7: What's your muff like? Is it full and bushy?
Dating App Guy 7: If not…would you grow it out?
Dating App Guy 7: I like a big full bush. The kind that spills out the side of your underwear.
{ blocked }
Chapter Six
My date was sittingat my mother's dining room table.
"This is Troy," my mother said as I stood frozen in the doorway. She popped up from her seat and joined me, wrapping her arm around my waist and gesturing toward him. "I thought this would be a great way for all of us to get to know him. Make it a little easier on you, you know?"
"Easier," I said, barking out a laugh. "This is easier?"
In all of my wildest dreams, I'd never imagined my mother would leap this far into my romantic life. This was several steps beyond swiping and proof that no good deed went unpunished. Not a one.
Agreeing to this experiment was a gesture toward assuaging my mother's concern for me. It wasn't something I would've adopted on my own and now I had to do it as performance art.
And do it while my brothers watched.
"Wait," my brother Ash said, holding up his hand, "I thought it was Trent. Since when are you Troy?"
"I thought it was Trevor," my brother Linden said, shaking his head as he stared into his beer. "Fuck if I know what's going on here."
"And I thought it was Sunday dinner," I said. "Not speed dating."
"It's not speed dating," my mother argued. "There's only one of him."
"Trey," Ash yelled, pointing at the deer in headlights. That deer had the privilege of being my date for this gathering. What a treat for him.
"Travis," Linden replied, barely looking up from his beverage.
"Tristan," Ash continued, still pointing at the dude.
"Triton," Linden said.
"Truman," Ash replied.
"The two of you," my mother called, waving her hand at my brothers. "We have a guest. Stop being a-holes."
There was one thing I knew to be absolutely true about these men I'd shared a womb with: when presented with an opportunity to be assholes, they took it.
"Trace," Linden continued.
"Targaryen," Ash roared, as if throwing down someGame of Thronesmade this shitshow more amusing.
"Trapper," Linden said.
"Tracker," Ash replied.
"Treat," Linden said.
"Tremain," Ash added.
