“You should be thankful to be alive.” What else could she say? Colum was alive and now she was Ronan Sutherland’s wife. Somehow, life would go on. She swallowed hard and struggled to keep her emotions out of her voice. “You’re healed, but you are still extremely weak. You’ve still got some serious mending to do for a few days. Just be patient. We won’t know for a while if any of the damage is permanent.” The damage was permanent all right. Her heart would never be the same. She had to stay strong. She never broke her word. Ever.
He snorted at her advice and pointed a shaking finger at Granny and Trulie. “Did the two of ye ever stop to think that I wouldna wish to live out my life as a lonely cripple—as a useless bit of a man good for absolutely nothing?”
Granny and Trulie stared down at Colum for a long moment, both their faces grim. “You will never be alone, Colum. You know that.” Granny touched a bent finger to his boot as she shook her head. “Kenna will have you up and around in no time. You’ll see.”
Colum aimed his scowl back at Kenna. “Tell her. Tell them all.”
Kenna turned away. She couldn’t do this any longer.
“And you!” Colum thumped his fist against the side of the wagon, then pointed a shaking finger at Gray. “You, my chieftain, should know better than any what my wishes would be. I canna serve this clan anymore. I canna bear the thought of living such a life . . . alone.” Colum’s bitter laugh filled the air as he raked a shaking hand through his matted hair. “Am I to become amusement for the great hall then? The lame warrior, forever alone and pitied by all and unfit to care for anyone?” His hoarse voice cracked as he shouted at Kenna. “Tell them, Kenna. Tell them what else about my life has been ripped away. Tell them all what ye did in the name of just keeping me alive.”
Kenna tensed against the assault of his pain and remained silent. She’d had no choice. Someday, he would understand. Maybe.Kenna swallowed hard. No. He would never understand. But at least he would be alive.
Gray punched the side of the wagon and turned away. His broad shoulders slumped as he pulled Trulie into his arms and held her close. He lifted his head and glared back up into the wagon. “I did not make this choice for ye. But I will help ye through this, old friend. My heart breaks for ye. I know the truth of yer pain.”
Kenna gripped the side of the wagon until the rough wood splintered into her flesh. She closed her eyes and bowed her head as Granny pushed her way up beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “What are they talking about, gal? What the devil is going on here? Why the hell are you all so glum? You should be thrilled our Colum’s alive. He may not even walk with a limp once he’s had a chance to finish healing. Why is everyone acting this way? It appears to me that there’s been more lost here than what I’m seeing.”
Kenna didn’t answer. She just sagged back against the wagon’s side and pressed her face on top of her hand, still gripping the wooden slat. How had life gotten so complicated? How was she ever going to get through this?
“Kenna! Answer me, gal. What the devil has been lost here? Colum’s alive. Why is he talking so?” Granny squeezed her arm as she peered into her face.
The cold numbness settled back over Kenna just when she needed it most. Thank goodness.Numb was the only way she would be able to survive this. She lifted her head and glanced back one last time at the despair on Colum’s face before dragging herself to her feet and stumbling to the back of the wagon.
Ronan suddenly appeared and held up his hands to her. A combination of sadness and compassion shimmered in his eyes.
She slid her hands into his, allowed him to lower her to the ground, then held tightly to his arms. She had to get through this without collapsing. With her back forced straighter, she turned to face her family. “Can we please talk about it later? I am so very tired from all of this.”
“Kenna!” Colum barked out her name, his pain and fury ricocheting the word across the bailey.
With a hard swallow, she bowed her head, unable to face him.
“I will never forgive ye, Kenna,” Colum’s rasped out, his voice raw and broken. “I will never forgive ye nor stop loving ye ’til they lower me into the grave.”
She didn’t turn or respond. If she didn’t look at him, she just might get through this without collapsing. “Granny, I really need to rest.”
Confusion and concern wrinkled Granny’s brow as she adjusted her spectacles higher up the bridge of her nose and glanced from Colum to Kenna. “Why . . . of course, child. I’m sure Trulie will have a bath taken to our private solar. I’ll get you all cleaned up and tuck you in bed myself.” Gray helped Granny down out of the wagon, then sadly turned away as she hurried to Kenna’s side. “Kismet and I will stay with you as long as you like while the others get Colum cleaned up and settled.” Granny hugged her close and kissed her cheek as though Kenna were still a child. “It’s gonna be all right, gal. We’ll watch over you. I promise. It’s gonna be all right.”
Kenna bit her lip as she gently pulled away from Granny’s embrace. She closed her eyes and leaned closer to Ronan, clutching his arm. She took a deep breath, opened her eyes, and lifted her chin. Time to fess up and seal her fate. Time to keep her word. “My husband and I will need our own rooms, Granny. It wouldn’t be proper for me to return to the tower suite I shared with you and Tamhas.”
She ignored Granny’s sharp intake of breath as she turned to Trulie’s dropped-jaw expression. “Would the west tower be okay for us to use for a few days? Could you have the bath sent there?”
Gray cleared his throat and nudged Trulie out of her stupefied trance. “Of course. West tower rooms. Bath. You and your . . . ” Trulie stalled out and bit her lip as her bewildered stare shifted to Ronan. “ Your husband?” Husbandcame out more like a high-pitched squeak instead of an actual word. The title spread like wildfire among the crowd. Astonished whispers hummed through the bailey like the droning of angry bees.
Ronan bowed his head in a graceful nod and tucked Kenna’s arm closer to his side. “Thank ye, Lady MacKenna. A good night’s rest will strengthen the Lady Sutherland for our return trip to Draegonmare. I hope to leave on the morrow.”
“I wish to hell ye would have left me buried in that damn mountain!” Colum’s roar echoed through the courtyard as he pounded against the side of the wagon. His enraged howl shook the cart as he fought to free himself of the tangled blankets. Swaying like a wounded beast, he dragged himself to the rear of it and glared at Kenna. “Why the hell did ye not let me die? How could ye condemn me to such pain?”
The cold numbness shielding Kenna sent her into welcomed oblivion. She gratefully wilted into the spinning void and gave herself to the waiting embrace of the unfeeling darkness.
CHAPTER31
Colum slumped sideways in the chair. He yanked free the knot of small pillows the servant had placed behind his back and threw them across the room. He needed none of their damnable comforts. It would take far more than a few goose down pillows to ease the raw ache burning in his soul. He stared unblinking at the coals of the hearth until his eyes burned. The smooth wood of the staff propped against his chair heated beneath the rubbing of his thumb.
Wasn’t it strange how much could change in the wee bit of time it took to blink an eye? One moment, he was alive and whole. His woman loved him and all they needed to do was lay claim to the promise the future held: children, home, and growing old together as they walked through the years to the grave. And now . . .
His gaze slid to his outstretched leg and its mottled, bruised skin. Fresh scars puckered the muscles, red and winding around the limb from ankle to hip like a living vine. His leg managed to bear his weight, but the knee refused to fully bend. The wood of the twisted walking staff cracked as he dug his fingers into the grain.
Never would he have believed it if he had not witnessed it for himself. Kenna had willingly chosen to join with Sutherland. How could the woman think he would want such a thing? Where was the honor in living out his days as a cripple? Why would anyone wish to live just to watch the woman he needed with all his soul go to another man? He would never wish such a fate on his worst enemy.
