“About two days.” He chuckles. “‘Lonzo, Jodie and Micah’s oldest son, saw the plans and the hot tub and he got so excited.” Joel shakes his head, grinning at the memory. “He begged me to include it.”
“And by ‘beg’ you mean he didn’t even have to ask. You just relented,” I guess.
He looks down at me with narrowed eyes. “Were you there? I folded like the legs on a ten-minute old foal.”
I burst out laughing while Joel shakes his head in shame.
“Damn grandkids. Makes you say yes before they even ask.”
“So true,” I agree, shaking my own head. I turn to Joel, so that our bodies are front to front. “My oldest grandbaby is almost five, and all he has to do is say ‘grandma’ in that little voice and bat those long lashes and he can have anything he wants.”
“Damn bullies are what they are,” Joel gripes.
I grin, noting the love shining in his eyes.
After a few more minutes of Joel explaining how this place came to be, I lay my head against his shoulder.
“I was nervous to wear my bikini,” I confess before I think better of it.
Before he speaks, Joel slides a hand along the side of my body until he reaches beneath the water, extending his hand down to my thigh. The feel of his hand on my skin sends a chill coursing through me.
“Nervous that I’d rip it off of you the moment I saw it, right?” There doesn’t seem to be an ounce of laughter or joking in his tone.
I pull back and look up at him, my arms intertwined around his neck. “It took me a long time to reclaim myself after mydivorce. I never hated my body, but the changes that come with having kids, forgetting to take care of myself, and regular aging does a number on even the most confident woman.”
Joel runs a hand over my cheek and pushes a stray hair behind my ear. “You didn’t forget,” he says above a whisper.
“Huh?”
“To care for yourself. You didn’t forget. You were never given the chance,” he tells me before kissing my forehead. “It wasn’t until you left that bum that you had room to focus on yourself.”
He pauses, his eyes meeting mine. There’s a blazing fire, hotter than the steam from the water we’re soaking in, there.
“I’m glad you finally left him,” he says. “Because if you were still married to that loser, I wouldn’t have been able to fall in love with you.”
“Love?” I ask, surprise evident in my tone.
“Yes, Ellyn. I’ve fallen in love with you,” he tells me. “For years, I believed I would never love again. Truthfully, I never believed I was worth it. I had my one great love, and I was lucky to even get that,” he continues.
“And then, somehow, after years of giving in to that belief, you moved in right next door.”
Smirking, he shakes his head.
“Then you went and argued with me over putting up Christmas ornaments.” He chuckles.
“Why was that funny?” I ask, laughing too.
“Because I swore I would never speak to you after that. Like, you were some evil grinch sent to ruin my neighborhood’s perfect streak of having every home decorated. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you from that moment on,” he confesses.
“Why did you believe you didn’t deserve love?” I need to know.
He hadn’t said it like he would never find love, but more so that he wasn’t worthy of even bothering to try. As if he wasn’t good enough.
Joel moves his gaze to stare off into the distance. A kaleidoscope of emotions flash through his hazel eyes. Not all of them can I interpret but within them are shame, fear, nostalgia and at last resignation.
“I told you a little about my parents.”
I nod.
