Though the summer was over, the weather was still in the mid-sixties, in the middle of the night. A few cars passed over the bridge, but we were the only people out walking.
“I wanted to give you something special for your birthday,” Lena started talking as she stared off into the darkness below. The lights from the bridge and city bounced off the water, causing it to shimmer.
“You did give me something special,” I said as I pulled her to me. “It’s been years since I had all of my family and friends together for my birthday.”
The smile she gave me was tight, not its usual beaming.
“There was one person I couldn’t get here, though. Someone I know you would’ve wanted.” Her voice was as thin as paper.
I wracked my brain trying to figure out who else in the world I would’ve wanted there that night. Aside from my family in Williamsport, most of whom couldn’t make it, I couldn’t think of who else could’ve been there to make it more memorable.
Even Chael and my mother’s side of the family from out West had shown up. Though, they didn’t stay long.
“Who?” I asked.
“Your mother.”
I gave Lena a confused look.
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I meant …” She stopped and blew out a heavy breath as she ran her hand over the high puff she wore her hair in. “I’m messing this all up.”
“My mother is dead,” I said.
She nodded. “I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to toss her name out there like that. What I’m trying to say is, I brought this.”
She dug around in her shoulder bag and pulled out an envelope.
I stiffened, recognizing it immediately. The cursive handwriting in black ink was distinguishable in and of itself, but I’d stared at the words on that envelope for years, never daring to open it.
“To My Wolf,” the letter from my mother was addressed. The one I never opened.
“Gabe.”
“Why do you have that?”
Lena flinched, and I hated that my voice scared her, but the way my insides trembled at the sight of the envelope in her hands, I couldn’t help it.
“Because you need to read it.”
“I’ll read it when I’m ready,” I said.
“When will that be?” Lena asked. “Your mother left this to you almost seventeen years ago. These were her last words to you. Don’t you want to know what she said?”
“Of course I do.” My voice came out hoarse.
“Then why haven’t you read it?”
A million excuses ran through my head, but I couldn’t form my lips to say any of them out loud.
The honest answer was that I was too much of a chicken shit to read it.
“Fear,” I admitted.
“Of what?”
It wasn’t until that moment that I realized what had held me back from reading that letter all of these years. I always thought it was the incident with my ex, the one that taught me to keep on my guard, never let anyone get too close to me. But that was only a partial truth.
“She’s gone.”
