“How can you say that?”
“Do you know the type of shit I was getting into before I met you?”
“Fighting?”
“That was the least of all my bullshit. For a short stint, I was even selling drugs.”
“What? Why?” I never knew that.
He shakes his head and shrugs. “Dumb teenage shit.”
“It wasn’t just that, Mark.”
“Yeah, nah, the truth is I was always searching for something more. To be something bigger. You know how rough it was for me growing up being Connor O’Brien’s little brother. Everyone saw me as his shadow. Even my own father.”
“You wanted to be just like him.”
“Yeah, because everyone expected me to be just like him. My dad started teaching me to fight at the same age he taught Connor. But he’d always say shit like,‘C’mon, kid, when Connor was your age, he knew how to throw a fucking punch the right way.’ Or, ‘Connor was two years younger than you when he learned this shit.’”
I reach out and take his arm, squeezing it.
“Don’t feel sorry for me, J.”
“I don’t. I just think it’d be hard to grow up with that kind of comparison.”
“It was fine, or so I thought, but then I got older and wanted to make a name for myself. Hence, why I started fighting at a local gym, but that wasn’t enough. They all knew my brother and compared our styles, just like my dad. So, I sought ways to make a name for myself.”
“Is that why you were doing all those fights after school and stuff?”
He nods. “But once you and I got together, I cut a lot of that shit out. Fighting was still in my blood, though. I don’t think I could ever give that up. Not then, especially.”
He turns to me, staring at me directly in the eye. “You saved me before that fall. And yeah, I fucking fell apart when I woke up in that hospital, and they told me I’d never walk again. But what was worse was that you weren’t there.”
Taking his hand in mine, I squeeze it. “I thought I’d be the last person you’d want to see in the hospital. I couldn’t look you in the eye and not tell you what I’d done.”
“You didn’t do shit.” He glances over at his chair. “Do I wish I could still walk? Yeah. Hell, yeah, but I have a life. A damned good life, and whoever’s looking out for me up above made sure I made it through that hellish time without killing myself to get to live it. Don’t feel sorry for me, J.”
“I don’t.”
“Good, because this chair isn’t stopping a damn thing in my world.”
I laugh as he pulls me into his arms to straddle him again.
“Last night, while I was holding Colin, you said you wanted kids. Is that true, or were you just caught up in his cuteness?”
My smile widens. “He is a cutie, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, looks just like his uncle.”
I shake my head, laughing. “Yes, it’s true. I’ve always wanted to be a mom.”
“Me too.”
“You’ve always wanted to be a mom?”
I giggle as he begins tickling me up and down my waist.
“You know what I meant.”
